Im Upset, and I know Im Being Selfish But.....

Iona_Penny

I think you are in shock and finding it hard to accept that they could do this to you. I want to say turn the situation around...how would you feel if your half had this opportunity for three years? How would you feel if your parents were stiff and restrained on the phone after you broke this news?

I think what your feeling is completely understandable, and you can be as upset as you like in private; personally I think you should say it has been a huge shock to hear but now you are thrilled they have this opportunity and can't wait to make the trip you will be saving hard for. If they have decided to go anyway scrub the word resentment from your vocabulary and let the parting be happy tears not tears of rage. :shhh: :wave:

JennyW_2

Stargirl wrote:

OK, so you feel upset, thats understandable. But at least they will be coming back. I, like so many others, have lost a parent, so make the most of the time you still have and stop feeling sorry for yourself or you will regret wasting the bit of time you still have before they go.

Its their life so let them live it and enjoy it.

Would you want to deny your parents this opportunity just because it makes you feel bad? I’m sorry but yes, that’s selfish. You cant expect people to rearrange their lives in order to make sure you remain happy. You’re not losing them, it’s just a different way of life, you will adjust and so will your daughter. I’m sure when she’s 13 she’ll have different things to occupy her

They are only going for 3 years. I lost my father just over 2 years ago and he’s never coming back – I’d rather be in your situation – at least I would get to see my father again. I'd give anything to do that

I’m very close to my mum and should she decide that she must move away for a better way of life, who am I to stop her? People have paths to take in this life so let your parents take theirs.

Bewitched2761

I have lost both my parents and all I can say is I wish i was in the position that your in, be happy for them divadee , put your own feelings to one side and just enjoy the fact that they are with you and are obviously living life to the full.
Three years isnt so long and with communication the way it is these days speak to them as often as you can.
I wouldnt tell them how you feel, just try and be happy for them

hollydays

I do feel for you,but it sounds like you are a loving close family.Some people would give anything for the loving relationships you have,and little Miss divadee no doubt has become a lovelier person for it.No one can take that away from you,or her,thats the positive side.

cupid_s

I know this isn't the same, but when we lived 1 mile from my MIL and FIL we hardly saw them. Maybe for 1-2 hours a week. At that time we were living with my parents and we never did much together as a family. We all had other seemingly more important things to do than spend time with each other.

We moved away to do postgrad degrees and now we live 130 miles away from them but spend more time with them now than ever. When either set of parents come to visit it's for a whole weekend or even longer and we do more fun stuff. I appreciate the time we spend with them more now as we don't see them as often.

When you do go and visit them, or they come home, the whole time will be spent together I imagine and your daughter will get 2 maybe 3 weeks non-stop time with your parents rather than an hour here and there. Maybe you'll then have the opportunity to do much more fun things that you wouldn't have bothered with if they were only round the corner.

And it's only 3 years it'll go quicker than you think.

iwanttosave_2

Awww diva

I know pretty much how your feeling, my Mum and step dad decided to move to Spain on the spur of the moment (pretty much anyways) with my 11 year old brother.

I was livid to be honest and thought it was very selfish of them just to up and leave like that esp as I had just had a baby and taking my brother away. I am a girl who needs her mum, we used to talk every day at least twice and ask each other advice ect so to have her miles away with nothing but her mobile to contact her on is horrid, she doesn't keep in contact because of the cost.

There have been times that I really needed my mum like a year ago when I had postnal depression or at christmas when my grandad had two strokes. But I guess I have come to terms with it now to be honest. Its hard sometimes but its like anything bad, it gets easier in time. You have every right to be mad IMO.

You have the knowledge that they are coming back in 3 years, keep that in mind, its not that long when you think about it.

We should be going over to see my mum at the end of the month, she doesn''t know cos she thinks we can't afford to get over there this year but got a cheap deal. Gonna send her a mothers day card saying "sorry we can't come, maybe next year" and just turn up at the bar

Tiger_greeneyes

Divadee, you also said that your daughter cries loads. Maybe this is an ideal opportunity for you to help her grow and learn how to deal with upsets and losses in her life. She may be picking up on your sadness and thinks that the right way to deal with situations like this is to crumple into tears. I think it's very sad.

Try turning the negativity into positivity. Take the fantastic advice given by all these lovely people and teach your daughter how to deal with disappointments in life. Point out that her grandparents have an amazing opportunity and how pleased you are for them to be beginning their new adventures, even though you'll miss them etc etc - there's no shortage of positive vibes you can use.

You can give your daughter the wonderful gift of strength, you just need to seize the opportunity.

Jet

Just to put it in perspective. I have no living family except distant family - uncles and cousins. I have a son who is the same age as little Miss Divadee who has no grandparents at all, no siblings and only one set of cousins who live in the UK but who we only get to see twice a year.

You still have your family. You can talk to them everyday and e-mail and you know that "out there" there are people that love you and care for you.

Be grateful for that and cherish what you have - one day you may not.

slinks

please don't deny your parents the happiness they deserve in such an amazing opportunity.

like it's been said, there's webcams, emails, telephone (so many deals on mse for cheap calls) and at least one visit in person.

it'll be hard but they need to know you supprot them, even if you don't want to. no point becoming distant, arguing and it turning a bad relationship just because you don't want them to go - what a waste of a loving relationship!

i have experience of both leaving my family and my family leaving me. as an 11 year old i had to board when my parents moved to the other side of the world to work. sure it was hard, but at the same time it was a great experience as i got to do things and go places i wouldn't have been able to otherwise. your daughter will learn to appreciate this too kids bounce back.

donna-j_2

I think you are all being really hard on Divadee. My parants live overseas, they've been away for 13 years, and it is very difficult at times. To say 'get a grip, I've lost my parents' is not at all fair, you could say similar things about getting upset about anything in life.