Im Upset, and I know Im Being Selfish But.....

pavlovs_dog

a lot of the things i was going to suggest have already been suggested.

first things first... :grouphug: dont beat yourself up about your crazy/irrational/selfish feelings. they're part of the 'grieving' process. its a hell of a big change, for you as much as for them. you're not going to get used to the idea overnight. it will take time to get used to it, and no doubt when they first leave it will be hard.

but on the positive side... contact is so much easier nowadays than it used to be. skype/webcams/email have already been mentioned. nothing beat receiving a parcel or handwritten letter. they'll come home once a year, and you'll go to them when you can

with regards to you not being able to afford trips to singapore, i might just have an idea (im full of them lately arent i :rotfl: ). is there a halfway point between uk and singapore where you could all holiday together. by sharing cost and cutting distance in half for all of you, its almost sure to work out cheaper.

alternatively, can you start saving tesco vouchers now, so that you can convert them into airmiles later down the line. im sure you'd get plenty within 3 years, if not enough to pay for the trip, then at least enought to make a serious dent in the cost.

sarahlouise210

You have already had some good advice re webcams and skype and email etc...so I will not say that again ! What I will say is that I understand what you are saying, I feel your pain and I would feel exactly the same. I consider myself grown up..but if my mum was to move abroad i would be distraught ...I would honestly grieve!! Not everone is the same - some of us can let go ..and some of us cant and really feel the need to have our parents close to us. I would say that you should start to deal with your own feelings - you are making so much of how yur daughter will feel ..because it easier to say..but I anticipate that it is really you that is crying out ..."what about me?" At the moment you can only see the pain and the amount you will miss them - once they have gone and you have seen how easy it is to keep in touch you may feel a bit better and realise that 3 years will fly by. There is absolutely no substitute for a real life cuddle though...

Savvy_Sue

DH came home from work on the day I'd had my booking appointment with the midwife with DS3, and said "They want me to move to Sutton Coldfield".

I was in bits for weeks, at the thought of moving 100 miles or so, away from all my friends. Couldn't tell anyone without blubbing. Had to try and stay cheerful for the children and supportive to DH.

So I can understand your reaction. And you know it's selfish, so there's no point pretending you're NOT upset. So rant away here, and hopefully, gradually, the pain will diminish.

Good thought from Pavlov's Dog, too! Where IS half-way from here to Singapore?

nearlyrich

Savvy_Sue wrote:

Good thought from Pavlov's Dog, too! Where IS half-way from here to Singapore?

Dubai, you can get inexpensive flights there, join the airline frequent flyer schemes etc.

I can understand your pain but they deserve the chance to experience a different way of life and I am sure you will keep in touch by skype and email etc.

Don't let this drive a wedge between you, you only have one mum and dad and it would be a shame to fall out over this.;)

jbbonce

divadee wrote:

they have said they will buy us a skype phone so we can atleast talk for free as often as we want, and we have email etc...

you are right about heart and head!! i know deep down they have to go, just inside bitter and twisted about them going!! its selfish and horrible to feel like that but at the moment, i just fluctuate from a crying wreck to being an angry bitter thing.

i don't think it's horrible and selfish at all. You have every right to be upset, and it is a reflection of the quality of your relationship with them that you feel so strongly about it. Obviously you can't stop them from going, but perhaps you should have a good old talk with them about how you feel. Perhaps they don't realise just how much you value them.

Tiger_greeneyes

Three years may be a long time but it's not forever

Look at it another way - if you were given a fabulous job in a fantastic location, and you really wanted to take it... would your parents be pleased for you, even if they were going to miss you, or would they get the hump and make it hard for you to go? How would you feel if they gave you a hard time for going?

My niece misses me now that I live where I can only get to see her once or twice a year, and I know it makes her cry sometimes - but as much as I love her to bits, I can't live my life just to make her happy - and nor should I have to - I refuse to be made to feel guilty for living my life in my own way.

You're incredibly lucky to have such a close relationship with your parents - I lost both of mine by the time I was 30. Of course it will be hard to wave goodbye, but at least they're coming back again!

There's no law to say you have to be happy for them, or supportive of their choices, but you obviously love them to bits - so try keeping the negative stuff to yourself, for their sake. This should be a happy and exciting time for them so let them have their moment!

roswell

Tiger beat me to what i was going to say.

i_love_it

I havent read all the replies but i did see someone say perspective! I think it is fantastic that you parents have the gumption to do such a thing at their stage in life, you should be proud of them and support them, You'll know that being a parent yourself does not render your own life obsolete.

There is much medium to stay in contact now,anywhere in the world and imagine the experience for all involved through visits.

Without preaching, because everybodies individual circumstances are important to them, but some people don't have parents or children or even partners, you got it all.....

Make it a positive experience, it absolutely can be.

Good luck

seven-day-weekend

A view from the other side.

We upped and went to Spain nearly three years ago, after my husband took early retirement from teaching, leaving our son (who is an only child and has no partner/children) at home in England.

We did it with his total support. He knows we have our life to lead. We speak to him every day on the phone and go to the UK once a year. He can't afford the flights to come here, although we have paid for two flights for him.

TBH, it has been good for him. He has become much more confident and independent.

Your parents have brought you up. Why shouldn't they have their own life now?

If I'm honest, your thead has quite upset me that you should resent them going.

Yes, of course you will miss them, but I think you should put a smile on your face and wish them well.

smitty2702

Hi

It must be hard for both you and your parents, try and think of the good things for them in it though and it will help ease the pain for both of you. Also think what a fantastic time you will have when you do get to visit them.

Claire