How have I upset my friend?

Teenie_D

Aww deebee you sound like such a lovely person and your friend is very lucky to have both you and your family in her life. Like I said before there is nothing wrong with using luncheon vouchers, don't feel that you shouldn't use them. TBH it sounded like SHE spoiled your day, especially when you don't seem to get out much she does sound very self centred. It would be a shame after all this time if the friendship was ruined but like you said it doesn't sound like you need this in your life right now.

Sambucus_Nigra

the_cat wrote: »

She sounds like a self absorbed selfish cow to me!
One of those 'friends' who is only there for her own benefit, has to be the centre of attention, gets off on finding fault in everything. Only happy when being a misery. Not much of a loss quite frankly


PS I never know what to order either! A latte is all frothy which I hate and I don't know if there is a specific non-frothy version..... i just order tea. You can't go wrong with tea!

I agree- you've lent her money and she is spending it on a cleaner whilst having a go at you for letting your kids get excited about a footie match. Drop her like a stone if you are getting nothing back from this friendship.

And - if you want a milky latte with no froth - ask for it 'wet', and if there is too much froth, ask them to top it up.

Savvy_Sue

I've been thinking a bit more about the football incident. She sounds a bit like my FIL, who's got a bit better over the years but used to have very clear ideas about how well-brought-up children should behave. And clearly, I had failed ...

It helped once I'd worked out what a few of his expectations were, and could drum these into the boys: eg make sure you say good morning to Granddad the minute you first see him when we're staying there, make sure you say good night to him personally when I take you up to bed, and above all, make sure that he is listening before you start saying anything to him and that you speak very clearly! Because he's deaf, and didn't have a hearing aid, but if he didn't hear them speaking it was THEIR fault, because if he hadn't heard it, they couldn't have said it (even if everyone else in the room heard them!) and there was there was no point them repeating anything he hadn't heard because that was no good, they were now only saying it because ... I'm not sure why, but it didn't count, anyway.

Now, for MIL's sake I was and still am prepared to drill the boys - especially as FIL now has no short-term memory so everything has to be said multiple times, and each time has to be as clear and fresh as the first time you said it or it doesn't count.

But for a 'friend'? Nope, they take the boys as they find them.

xxdeebeexx

Thank you for your replies.

I have read the thread from the begining again and realise that I haven't made it clear that lunch was NOT the outing.

The outing was a visit to an exhibition that we were both interested in.

Part way round the exhibition I suggested a sandwich and drink which she accepted. We left the exhibition and went to a local coffee house, planning to return later. We later went back to finish looking around. My friend wanted to go round again but I needed to get home for the boys as it was school holidays.

I had had a wonderful time,

dx

geri1965_2

pearl123 wrote: »

Maybe after 35 years you just irritate her sometimes.

I've had a friend that I've known that long, since we were kids, and she has never, ever annoyed me and I cannot remember every having cross words or an argument with her!

The OP's friend sounds like a nightmare. I've had friends like that also and I can't be bothered with them anymore.

lindsaygalaxy

Okay, first of all, please stop beating yourself up over this. The fact that it is bothering you so much tells me (and everyone on here) what a kind and good friend you are! Your 'friend' on the other hand - find a new one! I have a best friend since school, we can go months without seeing each other, sometimes barely a text, we are pretty open with each other and wouldn't think twice about moaning about the cost of something. We would also laugh about something like the coffee incident. We lead different lives - I have a family to support and she has a good job with good pay living in a cheaper area. We both understand that we have busy lives. We have on occasion got grumpy with each other, usually shortly followed by sorrys and moaning that we dont get to catch up enough.

Spend your energy and time on the people that deserve it. If she contacts you tell her you are waiting for an apology for her out of order behaviour.

*max*

It sounds to me like she is a very self-absorbed person. Reading about this and the football match incident, it seems like anything she is involved in/has been invited to has to be all about her - no matter that there are other people there. She expects to come first.

On that basis, she will have seen the coffee "incident" as you spoiling HER day out, and she found it intolerable.

Don't beat yourself up about it, it's just the way she is - me me me! I have to say, I wouldn't be able to remain friends with her. but then I have very little patience for selfish people.

pinkclouds

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

I had had a wonderful time

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

I have just received a postcard, in the morning post, telling me that she had a fantastic day out with me and that she thoroughly enjoyed herself!

The coffee incident was a shambles and the phone rant was OTT but the pair of you had a good time asides from that. Any chance both of you are affected by current personal circumstances? (Your ongoing care duties, her dull life, etc.)

The person who was at fault was the numpty waitress. If I order a coffee - anywhere - I order a "[normal] black coffee". If I get questioned, I tell them to give me the equivalent. If the coffee menu jargon is too impenetrable, then I don't see it as my problem to decipher. If they don't want to make a sale, then it's their loss.

If you're going to do a string of "ifs" then... if the waitress hadn't mucked up the order then you wouldn't have made a scene and if you hadn't made a scene then your friend wouldn't have gone off on a weird rant. Don't keep replaying old conversations. I used to do that as a teenager and it's pointless. Always onwards and upwards. With or without your friend of many decades.

pearl123

I think also that friends especially those you have know for a very long time can sometimes forget personal bounderies.

poet123

Have you sorted it out now OP?