How have I upset my friend?

xxdeebeexx

This week I went out with a friend I have known for 34 years. We haven't been out together for a number of years as I care for my elderly parents and have children.

We were having a lovely time, or so I thought.
We went into a cafe for lunch.... my treat.
My friend wanted a sandwich and a cup of tea, I wanted a wrap and a cup of coffee.

The assistant asked me what coffee I wanted, so I replied "Just an Ordinary white please". She repeated the question and I repeated the answer. She wanted to know which coffeee i wanted and I hadn't got a clue about the fancy names! So she asked if I wanted large or small coffeee.
In the end I left the coffee and just paid for the sandwich, tea and wrap using luncheon vouchers.

When I sat next to my friend I remarked that £1.99 for a small coffee was expensive.

Any how, having talked on the phone later in the week it seems that this incident has ofended my friend!
She claims that I should have just had any drink...... as it was about "Sharing the experience together!"
She went on to say that she felt really sorry for me because I was out of my depth and clearly hadn't been out for a coffeee for at least 10 years!
She then went on to put me straight and tell me a few "home truths" She was very unkind and quite spiteful.

I am completely lost about the significance of the coffee.
I have been a good friend to this lady over the years. I have lent her money. Sent a large tesco shop when she was short of money and allowed her to reverse the charges so that she could speak to me on the phone when she was down.

What have I done wrong?

dx

PS I know I should be asking her but I don't want any more 'home truths' as I'm still reeling from the last onslaught!

pps

I have read the thread from the begining again and realise that I haven't made it clear that lunch was NOT the outing.

The outing was a visit to an exhibition that we were both interested in.

Part way round the exhibition I suggested a sandwich and drink which she accepted. We left the exhibition and went to a local coffee house, planning to return later. We later went back to finish looking around. My friend wanted to go round again but I needed to get home for the boys as it was school holidays.

Mk14:37

Goodness only knows, but I doubt it has anything to do with the coffee. There is most likely something else that she is worried about - not necessarily to do with you - and she is focussing the negativity on something entirely unrelated.

whitewing

I sometimes want to invite an older relative of ours out for coffee with us, or a light lunch in a cafe, but she would say that such-and-such a price is expensive, why don't we just have a coffee at hers. Yes, it may be expensive for a coffee, but it can be quite cheap for a treat, compared to an evening meal in a restaurant for example. Sometimes one needs to do something a bit different.

I have another friend who goes out virtually every day to buy something, pub lunch etc, so much so that she doesn't ever really enjoy anything. She always finds fault with something and points it out (politely). I wouldn't be able to go out with her too often as it takes the shine off things.

I sound a right grump. I do think you have to have a budget when you go out with friends, and then not worry too much about the relative values of purchases without that budget as the important thing is that you are together.

lady1964

Sounds to me like your friend is the one with the problem!

So what if you don't know the names of the huge choice of coffees available? In the great scheme of things, does it matter? You like what you like & why would someone who you consider a friend be so spiteful to you?

If this was someone I thought of as a friend, I'm not so sure I would anymore and if you've not been out for a number of years, would you really miss her if you didn't see her again?

I don't know what brought on nasty comments and 'home truths' but she sounds like the sort of friend you could do without. You treated her to lunch & she's basically thrown it back in your face. Cut your losses and her loose from your Xmas card list.

Oh & I agree, £1.99 for a small coffee is expensive. I had a latte in a cafe today, it was in a small cup and cost £1.80, it wasn't really a latte either, just an ordinary cup of coffee with a bit of froth. I live overseas and often pay £3 for a latte but it's a proper one, in a tall glass with a long spoon for skimming off the tasty frothy bit at the top and for having a good stir

londonsurrey

It sounds like you're a thoughtful soul going about your life, taking care of those about you. Where you notice a lack, you seek to supply a remedy.

Your friend sounds like she's not as competent/lucky, and has leant on you on occasion. She might have been grateful, but she's definitely a tad resentful!

It sounds like lacking your nature and resources, where she notices a lack, she not only can't/doesn't fix or ignore it, but also fixates on it, gathering it as ammunition or justification for her own superiority. This collection grows and festers, and you saw the resultant non-productive explosion.

coolcait

I'm sorry, but only your 'friend' could really explain why she reacted this way.

The rest of us can guess. No more than that.

If you haven't been out with her for several years, what would you be losing out on if you didn't see her again?

getzls

What have you done wrong you ask? Let her pee on you and use you for years. Give her the elbow.:cool:

londonsurrey

getzls wrote: »

What have you done wrong you ask? Let her pee on you and use you for years. Give her the elbow.:cool:

No, no, no, don't give her anything more!

*I'll get me hat*

xxdeebeexx

whitewing wrote: »

I do think you have to have a budget when you go out with friends, and then not worry too much about the relative values of purchases without that budget as the important thing is that you are together.

I agree.... I can fret a bit over prices but on this occasion I think the comment was to mask the fact that I din't know what i was doing.

Having said that anyone who cared about me would have stepped in and suggested the 'correct' name for the type of coffee I was trying to describe.

dx

whitewing

I wouldn't have because I don't know how to pronounce half of them either!

I am surprised the waitress didn't make you feel more comfortable about it to be honest.

I am with the others in that it sounds like your friend has a real problem.

xxdeebeexx

lady1964 wrote: »

Oh & I agree, £1.99 for a small coffee is expensive. I had a latte in a cafe today, it was in a small cup and cost £1.80, it wasn't really a latte either, just an ordinary cup of coffee with a bit of froth. I live overseas and often pay £3 for a latte but it's a proper one, in a tall glass with a long spoon for skimming off the tasty frothy bit at the top and for having a good stir

Mmm, I don't even know what a latte is or how you would say it!
Maybe I need to do some research.

dx