How have I upset my friend?

catch_me_if_you_can

Your "friend" isn't my OH's SIL is she? She phoned my OH the day after his mum died to tell him a few "home truths" about him being "a bit quiet and uncommunicative" the previous day :mad: :mad:

Going back to your friend, I think the waitress didn't help the situation. I would always assume if someone says "white coffee" they mean filter coffee with milk. Your friend over-reacted and seized the opportunity to put the boot in - I think you're better off without her. I can understand your shock at her outburst!

Try to put it out of your mind xx

xxdeebeexx

Hi thanks for the comments.
Having slept on it ,I think the comment about the cost of the coffee was probably the cause of the upset.

Having said that, I had not done it deliberately..... at worst I was thoughtless.
My friend, however, when we later spoke on the phone, clearly knew she was going to upset me.Before she launched into her list of 'home truths' she told me that she had something to say that she knew would upset me...... she went ahead anyway.

My self esteem and confidence are very fragile at the moment. My parents have been desperately ill one after the other.
My lovely dad is just recently home from a stint of about 9 month in hospital. Twice we had the phone call go to his bedside, but he is well now and looks beautiful. Mum is well too.
For the last 7 ot 8 years, hospitals are about the only outings I've had other than the school run or Tesco (oh and a football match).

Because things are 'quiet' at the moment I was able to meet my friend
I was so pleased with myself and so happy to be out, on my own without the children..... I must have forgotten to pack my manners.

My friend phones 4 or 5 times a week, so although we haven't seen each other for about 18months we speak regularly.

Even when my parents have been ill I have given her time and listened to her problems. An example of the type of problem she has is..... the cleaner hasn't wiped out the microwave... what do I think she should do about it? Do I think the cleaner should wash the soap dish?

One of the 'home truths' was about when we last met. My husband, myself and 2 sons took her to a football match at Wembley. To get to the match we had to walk to the bus stop. You can imagine the excitement of my husband and boys...... everyone marched out and walked as fast as they could to get to the bus stop.. just in case the bus came early. Friend was very offended because she got left behind,only for a while, and told me that we should have left earlier and walked together at a leisurely pace and that this incident completely spoilt her enjoyment of watching England play at Wembley. This was her one chance of seeing England and it was ruined!

Thank you for letting my purge my soul. It has really helped to see this written down

I am too tired to spend time with people that are so easily offended. I need to spend time with friends who can love me the way I am, who will step in to help me when I am out of my depth. People that I can laugh with and not have to tip toe around..... friends that will forgive me immediately if I make a blunder.

Any one for coffee?

dx

londonsurrey

She sounds isolated, bored and self centred, so even small irritations are magnified. It might sound odd, but she needs some real problems to get her teeth into.

I love your description of how you want to be loved. It sounds warm, encompassing and full of mutual laughter.

And yes please. Mine's a milky one, two sugars and a tablespoon of Baileys. Hic.

Make-it-3

I imagine the coffee incident was a little embarrassing for your companion (although it doesn't sound like the waitress was very helpful either) especially if you were paying and made her feel awkward.

However, the more you tell us about her the more "needy" and a "hanger on" she sounds. She is either very lonely or someone who just likes to complain about everything. While you may listen to her gripes on the phone several times a week, she is clearly narked that you haven't had quality time together one-to-one for a long while and then you went and spoilt it by creating an atmosphere

Only you can decide whether to forgive her or just drop the friendship tho.

catch_me_if_you_can

londonsurrey wrote: »

And yes please. Mine's a milky one, two sugars and a tablespoon of Baileys. Hic.

and hold the coffee

catch_me_if_you_can

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

I am too tired to spend time with people that are so easily offended. I need to spend time with friends who can love me the way I am, who will step in to help me when I am out of my depth. People that I can laugh with and not have to tip toe around..... friends that will forgive me immediately if I make a blunder.

Any one for coffee?

dx

Totally agree xx

Newly_retired

I think perhaps you may have been so very absorbed in your family issues over the past few months and your friend equally taken up with her ( superficial?) lifestyle that you have in fact grown apart.
Or maybe you were both just a bit stressed out that particular day.
I agree, the waitress could have been more helpful.
I know nothing about coffee names ( never drink it myself).
You could have settled for something - anything, just to move on.
You could have avoided commenting on the price and just bought any coffee.
Your friend is the biggest offender by making a big deal of the whole incident.
However the Wembley match does maybe throw a bit of light on the way you treat her? If you knew that you would be rushing out for a bus it would have been wise to say so in advance. I would not want to be left behind in a football exit crowd especially if I'd been taken by a friend.
Going back to your meet-up-- what else did you talk about in your time together? Was it friendly, or one-sided? Whose side?
Does your friendship work both ways? I'm not sure that it is going to carry on as she obviously feels disgruntled and now you feel offended. How will you feel if she doesn't contact you again. Will you break the silence?
How would you like things to proceed in the future?
Would you really miss her if she is no longer in your life?

Iris_Blue

Aww you have had it bad Dee. You need to look after number 1, because no one else does. If your friend isn't happy with you being you then she isn't much of a friend.

I learnt a lesson at 28 when my best friend fell out with me over nothing. Some friendships last a week, some months, others years and some if we are lucky enough forever. I think that we are meant to meet those people and share experiences but then that's it, it goes however far it goes.

Mojisola

I can't believe some of the replies on here! If I couldn't comment on the price of something with a friend of 34 years without a rant telling me where I was going wrong in my life, then what was the point of all those years of friendship? I've had conversations with old friends about the price of stuff in cafes - we usually have a laugh about how no-one would have paid that much for it when we were younger.

The waitress and the friend were in the wrong in this situation. Neither of them should have made Dee feel so uncomfortable.

Dee - you have enough hard stuff going on in your life at the moment. You do not need someone who will moan to you about the problems with her cleaner. If she was a true friend, she would on hand to help you when she can and, at the minimum, be a sympathetic ear for you.

Cut the ties to this woman!

poet123

I am thinking that there may be an income gap her that has not been apparent to your friend before but became apparent at the coffee shop. You mention she has a cleaner, and then that you mentioned the cost of the coffee and paid using luncheon vouchers. Perhaps she was embarrassed, but that is no excuse for her dragging up stuff that really hurt you. If you want to save the friendship (and you may not) I would leave it a few days then ring her and say you have been thinking about what she said and would like to discuss it.