Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

Sambucus_Nigra

Plushchris wrote: »

What about being sent to their room? Grounded?

Wheres the line drawn with this?

Everyone keeps banging on about smacking causing psychological damage and pretty much saying there is no difference to ritualistic beatings.

Why is 5 mins on the naughty step any different to 2 weeks in the cooler?

I'm just pointing out that solitary confinement (be it naughty step, sent to the room, grounding etc) could also cause psychological damage.

Dont get me wrong, I'm more likely to use the naughty step than smacking, certainly in a first instance, but does/could that make it worse? Will all those 5 mins on the naughty step add up and actually be worse?

All punishments could cause some psychologial damage - if you take it to it's ultimate conclusion. But then again, so can some parent/child relationships. So what do we do - remove all children from their parents just in case? Nobody is saying there is no difference to ritualistic beating - but you just don't know do you? Some on here who were hit are saying they hated it and their parents for it. Some don't seem to have minded.

My initial point of people on here being 'OMG get out' when a spouse is hitting an OP but still happy to smack their children does indeed seem completely wrong. After all, the adult can make a decision and walk away, the child cannot.

Mojisola

bestpud wrote: »

I don't agree with smacking but did smack my son once that I can recall - he had run across a busy road and I was so panicked and then relieved, I ended up smacking him and telling him to NEVER do it again. I'm sure you can imagine the scene!

I've never understood this. What are you saying to your child - "I was so worried that you were going to be hurt that I'm going to hit you".

janninew

Person_one wrote: »

Actually, the bits I've quoted here were the best bits, and the ones that make me think hayleyc will do a good job.

I don't think for a second that she'll hit her children, I expect she feels she can't be categorical though or she'll face the kind of comments from you that I have!

Do you know hayleyc? How can you think for a second that she will never smack her children, even she has admitted she can't be sure she won't! I'm sure she is a big girl and can be as categorical as she likes The difference is hayleyc has children and understands that having every good intention in the world can fly out the window when your child is being badly behaved. I think her attitude is similar to most parents, they don't want to smack and don't 'coldly' plan these punishments in advance as you seem to think.

Mrs_Imp

Mojisola wrote: »

I've never understood this. What are you saying to your child - "I was so worried that you were going to be hurt that I'm going to hit you".

Because if you give your child a great big cuddle, they're going to start to associate running out in to the road with getting lots of lovely nice attention. Not a good thing. And there's no easy way to reason with a child who's running away from you towards a road. Just like you can't easily reason with a child who's eating aspirin.
'Don't eat those'
'Why not, mummy eats them'
'They'll make you poorly'
'They don't make mummy poorly'

For those wondering how the naughty step or 'time out' could cause psychological problems in a child, I suffered bad dreams and a fear of the corner in the kitchen after only one time in the 'naughty corner'. I hate to think what I would have been like if I'd been sent there more often.

Each child is different and will respond differently to different methods of discipline. Smacking worked for me, the naughty corner did not. For other children it's the other way around.

Person_one

Stick 'em in the chokey:

meritaten

Its very easy for people to say 'I would never smack my child' - its a darn sight harder to stop yourself when you are severely under stress!
I got smacked a LOT as a child and swore I wouldnt smack mine - and yet I did! I am not proud of it - but there were extenuating circumstances.
Like the time my 3 year old DS1 bit me on the face and hung on like a pit bull! it was only a slap across his leg that made him let me go! I had to go to A&E cos the bite was deep and bled and frankly, hurt like hell!
or the day my dad died and I got home from trying to resusitate him to find the police there and DS1 (again!) accused of stealing Car Badges - I couldnt help it - I just snapped and slapped him!
I really dont approve of hitting - but I do understand that 'sometimes' parents really are driven beyond reason.
I DONT approve of slapping as a punishment - I think that there are many other measures that can be taken

Mojisola

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Because if you give your child a great big cuddle, they're going to start to associate running out in to the road with getting lots of lovely nice attention.

And there's nothing you can do inbetween a "great big cuddle" and hitting a child?

Besides, a child would only associate going in the road with cuddles if that was the only time they were cuddled.

Felicity

Hey ho, I think whatever works for your family. I know violence in any form is not welcome in mine.

jayII

Felicity wrote: »

Hey ho, I think whatever works for your family. I know violence in any form is not welcome in mine.

This says it perfectly. :cool:

Anubis_2

Violence breeds violence.... I don't agree with smacking and I have brought up four kids. However children DO need to know where the line is, so how you punish your child is your choice.

Whichever punishment is used can "damage" a child, but there is no such thing as an undamaged child or a perfect childhood.

If there was, then such a child would be extremely under developed emotionally and think the world is pink and fluffy, and the slightest bit of pressure would tip them over the edge.

So giving your child a perfect, idealistic childhood can have a rebound effect because the world is a jungle out there, and one they would be too weak to survive in.