Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

hayleyc_2

janninew wrote: »

Gosh yes, my view of parenting before I had a baby was so different to the realities! Having a 2 and 4 year old must present some challenges, you were brave to have them so close together, think I would like a 6 year gap between my daughter and the next one!

The youngest isn't quite 2 and the eldest is 4 and a half so it's not too bad 'cos my son understands that his little sister is only young and can't understand everything in the same way he does. My SIL will only have 18months between her two and I don't envy her!

Person_one

janninew wrote: »

Really?! Even though she has said she can't promise that she won't hit her children in the future? If she does smack them, will she then be a bad mum?

I wish people who post would tell us how many children they have and their ages! Would be interesting to know! People with no children have all these views about how they will parent, the reality is often very different! I always said I would never give my child a dummy, a few weeks later she has one to settle her at night. Until you are there and dealing with problem that arise, you can never say for sure what you will do or how you will react.

I said earlier in the thread that I have a lot more understanding of people who smack once in a moment of frustration and instantly regret it than of people who coldly plan ahead of time to hit their children thinking its effective correction.

Also, plenty of people plan to never hit their children and never do, its not really the same as the dummy thing is it?

Plushchris

All those that think smacking is bad but the naughty step is ok, are you aware that solitary confinement is now banned as a form of punishment in prisons?

Section 4 on this link.. http://thejusticecampaign.org/?page_id=273

"
4. Solitary Confinement/Isolation

Solitary confinement is strictly prohibited under international law. It is a cruel practice which causes permanent psychological damage. The impacts can range from hallucinations, emotional damage, delusions and impaired cognitive functioning to anxiety and depression. Solitary confinement is outlawed under the Convention Against Torture, ICCPR and the Geneva Conventions. Camp 5, 6, and Echo are also considered solitary under international law; in other words, David spent the majority of his time in solitary confinement. See, Human Rights Watch, Locked Up Alone: Detention Conditions and Mental Health at Guantanamo, June 9, 2008; and The Istanbul Statement on the Use and Effects of Solitary Confinement, Adopted 9th December, 2007 at the International Psychological Trauma Symposium."

Person_one

naughty step =/= solitary confinement!

In fact, my parents never used the naughty step and I don't absolutely love it, but its a lot better than hitting them.

Lunar_Eclipse

We don't use the naughty step either.

I did try a nicer version of having 'time out' somewhere away from the location of conflict, to calm down before trying to proceed with rational conversation, but that didn't work with one of my children (the eldest) because she felt like she was being punished & thus her behaviour would then get 10x worse!

What works for one child doesn't always work for another (at least not in a positive way; I'm always trying to treat everyone with respect even if they are behaving poorly.)

Person_one

hayleyc wrote: »

I think one of the problems with parenting is that people seem to have this adversarial attitude that children are inherently 'naughty' and that unless they're 'tamed' or 'disciplined' they'll run riot. Also I think a lot of people don't seem to allow for the child's developmental stage, and get cross or smack when the child is just behaving normally.

Personally I'd rather try to teach my children to do the right thing for it's own sake rather than to avoid a punishment, whether that be a smack or a time-out. I think time-outs can be helpful occasionally when things get really heated, or to split two arguing children but I think talking through the problem is a better way of helping children think about their actions in the long term.

elvis86 wrote: »

I think Person_one stopped reading after this:



That alone was enough to render the poster mum of the year in Person_one's book.:D

Actually, the bits I've quoted here were the best bits, and the ones that make me think hayleyc will do a good job.

I don't think for a second that she'll hit her children, I expect she feels she can't be categorical though or she'll face the kind of comments from you that I have!

Plushchris

Person_one wrote: »

naughty step =/= solitary confinement!

In fact, my parents never used the naughty step and I don't absolutely love it, but its a lot better than hitting them.

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

We don't use the naughty step either.

Didnt expect either of you to tbh...

Sambucus_Nigra

Plushchris wrote: »

The impacts can range from hallucinations, emotional damage, delusions and impaired cognitive functioning to anxiety and depression.

Aye, 5 mins on the naughty step will cause all of those.

juliethemuse

i have never smacked my children, my parents smacked me, hard, and i remember absolutely hating them for it, especially my dad who didnt know his own strength he would smack so hard i would feel sick and the handprint would be there for ages afterwards,
but in the 70s when i was a child it was acceptable to smack your children, like it was in the classroom, i dont think a day went past when one of us in the class wasnt hit,

Plushchris

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Aye, 5 mins on the naughty step will cause all of those.

What about being sent to their room? Grounded?

Wheres the line drawn with this?

Everyone keeps banging on about smacking causing psychological damage and pretty much saying there is no difference to ritualistic beatings.

Why is 5 mins on the naughty step any different to 2 weeks in the cooler?

I'm just pointing out that solitary confinement (be it naughty step, sent to the room, grounding etc) could also cause psychological damage.

Dont get me wrong, I'm more likely to use the naughty step than smacking, certainly in a first instance, but does/could that make it worse? Will all those 5 mins on the naughty step add up and actually be worse?