Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

Sambucus_Nigra

elvis86 wrote: »

You will get your knickers in a twist should I decide to smack mine - I can live with that.;)

It's the deciding that is so sad. It's a decision you have made rather than a reaction to an event/behaviour/situation.:(

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

Yeah, not quite. We don't have carte blanche to treat our children how we want, not everything is ok just because 'it works for me'.

I didn't say 'works only for you' or 'works only for the adult(s)/parent(s)'. I said 'works for the family'. ie, if it's damaging to the child, it won't be working for them and by extension, not for the family.

If a rare smack is effective for some families, great. If not smacking at all is effective for other families, great.

I didn't think that I needed to be explicit enough as to specify that. My mistake.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

I didn't say 'works only for you' or 'works only for the adult(s)/parent(s)'. I said 'works for the family'. ie, if it's damaging to the child, it won't be working for them and by extension, not for the family.

If a rare smack is effective for some families, great. If not smacking at all is effective for other families, great.

I didn't think that I needed to be explicit enough as to specify that. My mistake.

(I think we all know that smacking is so popular precisely because it 'works for the adult/parent'.)

Thanks for the condescension but actually I did understand your post, it wasn't that involved. I still don't think that 'what works for me/our family' is always ok.

There are lots of things that might 'work for our family' but are still not acceptable to society at large or are just plain wrong.

euronorris

Oh for crying out loud, I was only trying to be accepting of another person's POV.

I don't have the patience to deal with this right now.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

Oh for crying out loud, I was only trying to be accepting of another person's POV.

I don't have the patience to deal with this right now.

I don't have the patience to be accepting of people who hit their children.

Not all tolerance is good tolerance.

BugglyB

I do think hitting and smacking are two different things.

I was smacked as a child but remember it not particularly hurting. All I remember is the deep shame of having done something so bad after several warnings that it warranted a smack on the bottom. I dont think my parents ever physically hurt me.

Person_one

Smacking is just a euphemism for hitting, if you think its ok to hit at least call it the proper name.

hayleyc_2

I agree with Person_one and would never plan to hit my children as a method of parenting. My children are only 2 and 4 so I don't know what will happen in the future. I've never smacked them, and I never intend to but I can't promise I won't in the heat of the moment at some point in the future. If I did, then I would be deeply ashamed and would talk it through and apologise to them. I was smacked occasionally as a child, and I don't think it taught me anything other than to avoid my parents when they were angry. I was much more affected by my mum's disappointment or disapproval. It may not have done me much harm but it certainly didn't do me any good.

I would just like to take issue with the general assumption that there are only 2 methods of parenting, smacking and naughty step. I can't comment on older children so much as I have no direct experience but with my own children I don't use either.

I think one of the problems with parenting is that people seem to have this adversarial attitude that children are inherently 'naughty' and that unless they're 'tamed' or 'disciplined' they'll run riot. Also I think a lot of people don't seem to allow for the child's developmental stage, and get cross or smack when the child is just behaving normally.

Personally I'd rather try to teach my children to do the right thing for it's own sake rather than to avoid a punishment, whether that be a smack or a time-out. I think time-outs can be helpful occasionally when things get really heated, or to split two arguing children but I think talking through the problem is a better way of helping children think about their actions in the long term.

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

Smacking is just a euphemism for hitting, if you think its ok to hit at least call it the proper name.

Well surely that depends on your opinion, or experience.

Person_one

hayleyc wrote: »

I agree with Person_one and would never plan to hit my children as a method of parenting. My children are only 2 and 4 so I don't know what will happen in the future. I've never smacked them, and I never intend to but I can't promise I won't in the heat of the moment at some point in the future. If I did, then I would be deeply ashamed and would talk it through and apologise to them. I was smacked occasionally as a child, and I don't think it taught me anything other than to avoid my parents when they were angry. I was much more affected by my mum's disappointment or disapproval. It may not have done me much harm but it certainly didn't do me any good.

I would just like to take issue with the general assumption that there are only 2 methods of parenting, smacking and naughty step. I can't comment on older children so much as I have no direct experience but with my own children I don't use either.

I think one of the problems with parenting is that people seem to have this adversarial attitude that children are inherently 'naughty' and that unless they're 'tamed' or 'disciplined' they'll run riot. Also I think a lot of people don't seem to allow for the child's developmental stage, and get cross or smack when the child is just behaving normally.

Personally I'd rather try to teach my children to do the right thing for it's own sake rather than to avoid a punishment, whether that be a smack or a time-out. I think time-outs can be helpful occasionally when things get really heated, or to split two arguing children but I think talking through the problem is a better way of helping children think about their actions in the long term.

Great post, I have a feeling you're a wonderful mum!