Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

euronorris

Caroline73 wrote: »

I didn't expect people to like my use of the word, so don't worry. I just know that's how I would feel if I ever hit one of my children.

I've managed 20 years of parenting without smacking and can't imagine a need to ever do it.

Whatever works for you and your family, is great.

Same goes for everyone else.

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

Whatever works for you and your family, is great.

Same goes for everyone else.

Yeah, not quite. We don't have carte blanche to treat our children how we want, not everything is ok just because 'it works for me'.

Person_one

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/02/08/slapping-children-makes-them-aggressive-adults_n_1262118.html

http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/search/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=EJ554364&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=EJ554364

anguk

Person_one wrote: »

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/02/08/slapping-children-makes-them-aggressive-adults_n_1262118.html

http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/search/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=EJ554364&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=EJ554364

This is an interesting point:

An intensive review of 20 years worth of research found that the more a child is physically disciplined or yelled at when they’re naughty, the more likely they will display similar aggressive behaviour when they become adults.

So even if you shout at your children they're more likely to be aggressive when they're older? And what about the people on here who were smacked as children but who don't ever smack their children? According to that study they should be aggressive like their parents were?

The interesting bit is it says "the more" so I wonder if a child who has been shouted at many times is more likely to grow up aggressive than a child who has been smacked a handful of times? It's a shame that after that opening statement about shouting and smacking the article then goes on to just talk about smacking. I would be interested to see some research on the effect of shouting at a child.

It'll also be interesting to see if in the future we have research and statistics about the harmful effects of the naughty step, my guess is as smacking becomes more and more uncommon other forms of discipline are put under the spotlight and denounced.

elvis86

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Do you think that when they were planning to have a child, they were also planning to smack - or just that it came naturally once you had been 'naughty' and they then had no other option and it came to them in a flash?

I've no idea. To be honest, my parents aren't the type of people who would have worried obsessively about their impending arrival and referred to every parenting handbook going, so they probably didn't think about or discuss it.

They're just working class people who wanted the best for their kids and got on with it. And I'm 100% convinced that they did, and continue to do, the very best they can for me. I couldn't ask for more or for better parents.

The fact that I was smacked occasionally when I was a child is just a total non-issue for me. It's something I've never even thought about. Some people might say that my parents obviously did a good job of brainwashing me into acceptance of habitual violence in the home, but I'd conclude that they loved me and gave me a safe and happy childhood.:)

Until neglect and sexual and serious physical abuse of children is eradicated, people's attention and efforts would be better focussed there these children, rather than seeking to vilifying loving parents who are raising happy children.

Sambucus_Nigra

elvis86 wrote: »

Until neglect and sexual and serious physical abuse of children is eradicated, people's attention and efforts would be better focussed there these children, rather than seeking to vilifying loving parents who are raising happy children.

The problem with tapping/smacking/hitting/beating is there is no fine line between. One person's 'tap' is another's 'hit' and once a child doesn't respond to a 'tap/smack/hit' then where is there to go other than harder?

I note that some of the 'smacks' on here were to correct parental mistakes - for eating an aspirin [why was this left out anyway?] and for using a word taught to them by the mother [so she teaches you a word then smacks you when you use it]. I suspect other methods might have had the same response in teaching the message but those parents decided that a smack was their method of choice. Just because people on here weren't traumatised doesn't mean it is the correct method to employ on any occasion.

I'd say - once you have to deal with a step child - who you can't even consider smacking/tapping/call it what you will - you have to use other methods...so why can't those same methods be used in this 'unique parent-child' relationship to achieve the same aims?

I see one poster on here smacked her 'own' kids but not her foster kids....so managed to parent foster kids without it but not her own.

I stand by my comment earlier that something is very wrong with people who smack their kids.

*onlyme*

Was never smacked as a child, we have never smacked our DD (age 10) and never will.

I can not see the need to ever go down that route, to use what in my view is violence.

Person_one

elvis86 wrote: »

They're just working class people who wanted the best for their kids and got on with it.

What's class got to do with it? My parents are working class and never hit us, hardly ever raised their voices actually.

In fact the only parent I know in real life who physically punishes her children is very middle class and does it surreptitiously so she can keep up the facade of the loving earth mother, which I find appalling.

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

What's class got to do with it?

Nothing. I guess I mentioned that to support the point that they're not the kind of people who would have read books on child-rearing and child psychology. They got married and had kids, "as you do". Perhaps I do them a disservice in saying that.

Person_one

elvis86 wrote: »

Nothing. I guess I mentioned that to support the point that they're not the kind of people who would have read books on child-rearing and child psychology. They got married and had kids, "as you do". Perhaps I do them a disservice in saying that.

I think a lot of working class people do a lot of reading when they're expecting, working class doesn't always mean uneducated or uninterested in learning. Most parents want to do the best for their children and understand that they won't instantly know how to get it perfectly right just because the baby arrives and is theirs!