Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

anguk

There's a saying about never discussing football, politics or religion, I think on MSE it should be "never discuss breast-feeding or smacking".

victory wrote: »

I never took the moral high ground. Stick to the facts, not your assumptions, I said clearly I was, I said even more clearer that I never have smacked, slapped, attacked, walloped or whichever interpretation you wish to add to a simple 'clip here and there' over 18 years that can be counted on one hand so on that basis it could be maybe once every 3/4 years, I also asked my kids this question do they remember the clip? Neither of them do, so no damage caused to their future development, so no, I have never smacked my kids.

I guess it depends on your definition of smacking. If I was asked if I'd smacked my children I would say yes, I have only ever lightly tapped them on their hand or bottom but that's how I would define smacking. Others would say smacking is repeatedly spanking or walloping a child and then of course there's those who think that putting your hand on your child in any way to discipline them is tantamount to child abuse.

So while you would say you've not smacked your children you've only given them the odd clip, there are some others would say you've abused your child and beaten them.

Person_one wrote: »

Its not wrong because I don't do it, its wrong because its wrong. Sorry, but it just is.

In your opinion.

Edit: just to point out, yes I smacked my children, I lightly tapped them on the hand or bottom on a few occasions (my daughter once, my son about 5 times), both are now well-rounded, emotionally balanced, responsible, law-abiding adults. They don't beat up their partners or elderly people. Oh and we're still very close.

liney

anguk wrote: »

There's a saying about never discussing football, politics or religion, I think on MSE it should be "never discuss breast-feeding or smacking".


I guess it depends on your definition of smacking. If I was asked if I'd smacked my children I would say yes, I have only ever lightly tapped them on their hand or bottom but that's how I would define smacking. Others would say smacking is repeatedly spanking or walloping a child and then of course there's those who think that putting your hand on your child in any way to discipline them is tantamount to child abuse.

So while you would say you've not smacked your children you've only given them the odd clip, there are some others would say you've abused your child and beaten them.


In your opinion.

Tapping isn't smacking. I tap my son on the shoulder to have him turn around - he feels me touch him, but he doesn't feel pain.

Smacking is the act of colliding a hand with a bottom/hand, in order to cause pain. And for those who say it's not to cause pain, then why not just put a hand on their shoulder and ask them to stop, if you feel you need to physically intervene?

bylromarha

jayII wrote: »

Maybe I'm reading the thread wrongly!

Yes, I believe you are

jayII wrote: »

As I read it, the majority of the pro-smacking posters seem to be incredibly defensive about their right to smack. They also seem to be saying that it is the ONLY way to raise a well behaved child who is not killed by running into a road.

Not defensive, just don't give a stuff what a faceless internet forum thinks of our choice to smack our children. My post was quite clear that others choose not to smack - their choice - had I followed that up with "on your own head be it" I could see where you were coming from.

jayII wrote: »

For instance I've seen my words used and twisted a few times in this thread, though I spoke specifically about my children and children in my care, and did not comment on anyone else's parenting choices.

Mmm...my use of the word taboo wasn't twisted by you? :cool: The word was used in the first post, I repeated it, and you then used it to imply it wasn't a careful considered choice OH and I made.

jayII wrote: »

I'm just interested to know if most of you honestly think that non-smacking carers/parents are condemning their children to an ASBO or to death by car/van/bus...

Not at all - you really are coming across as a person of extremes in this post.

jayII wrote: »

If not, and if you're comfortable with your parenting choices, then why the defensiveness?

Very comfortable thanks. No defensiveness here. I laughed when a few posts after mine told me I should be pitied, ashamed and that I had shocked someone as I'd given parenting advice - who'd have thought a smacking parent could give good parenting advice?!

I've never had either children run out into the road :rotfl:Hey, maybe it could be because all those positive discipline methods which I heavily rely upon for my parenting...BEFORE I get to the negative stuff...work pretty well in this house. And we don't have bolters either.

Well behaved children are smacked. Well behaved children are never smacked. Oiks are smacked. Oiks are not smacked. Reality is if you had 2 fantastic well behaved, well rounded young adults standing side by side, you would never be able to know which one was smacked as a child unless you asked them.

bylromarha

anguk wrote: »

There's a saying about never discussing football, politics or religion, I think on MSE it should be "never discuss breast-feeding or smacking".

But where's the fun in that? :rotfl:

givememoney

My children are 35 and 33 and they did get smacked as youngsters. They are both responsible adults and it didn't make them violent at all.

However, looking back I suppose I wished that I didn't do it and my daughter and son-in-law to their credit have never smacked my grandson and he is a dear little boy. The naughty step comes into play a lot and it seems to work.

I myself had a difficult upbringing and was beaten occasionally although not routinely. My form of punishment was being totally ignored by my mother for very long periods of time, sometimes weeks. This I found more distressing than the beatings which at least were over pretty quickly.

I think try to avoid it if at all possible, but sometimes they can push you to absolute limit and if all else fails a smack can sometimes be the answer.

janninew

I bet in a few more years the naughty step method will be deemed to be a cruel punishment for children!

Lunar_Eclipse

elvis86 wrote: »

I can't comprehend why anyone cannot see that there is a massive difference between a punch to the face during an argument with a fellow adult, and a smack of the hand metered out to a child as a punishment?

Secondly, as I said before, an adult is not responsible for raising and disciplining another adult. A parent does have this responsibility towards their child.

Those condemning smacking are (deliberately?) ignoring the fact that the parent/child relationship is unique. Direct comparisons between behaviour of a parent towards a child and behaviour of an adult towards another adult are nonsensical.

Re: 1) I can see there is a massive difference, physically. There might not be any difference emotionally. Regardless, they are both wrong. Sadly children can't walk away from relationships where they are smacked in the way that an adult can, so I actually think smacking a young, defenseless child is worse than punching an adult in the face. Honestly. It's because of the imbalance of power and fact that parents are in a position of trust.

Re: 2) The key for me personally is that I don't think smacking has anything to do with (effective) discipline. How many parents feel comfortable smacking their 6 ft teenage sons?

Re: 3) I'm not ignoring that. I've said that physical violence against children is worse. You won't like the fact I class smacking as physical violence, but otherwise, where do you draw the line?

Caroline73_2

angelil wrote: »

lol. You didn't have a bolter, did you?

I used to nanny a child aged 2 whose mother didn't believe in baby reins (NB my mother did use baby reins with both of her children). One day he pulled away from my hand and ran out into the road.

I did not smack him (not my child, not my place to do so) but if it had been my own child I may well have done (although my child would have been on baby reins, so...!).

Sometimes hand holding is not enough. Some kids are just bolters and will run away from you at the first chance they get (annoyingly!).

No, my own children have never bolted. They've been taught road safety. Before they were old enough to comprehend they would have been in a pushchair or on reigns.

I think a mother giving a child who bolts across a road a slap because the mother doesn't like reigns or is unable to maintain their safety is barbaric.

Lunar_Eclipse

anguk wrote: »

now well-rounded, emotionally balanced, responsible, law-abiding adults. They don't beat up their partners or elderly people. Oh and we're still very close.

That's what my parents would say too, but that doesn't mean that I don't have issues with the smacking I received. My parents violated my basic human rights. You just don't do that to people you supposedly love.

anguk

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

That's what my parents would say too, but that doesn't mean that I don't have issues with the smacking I received. My parents violated my basic human rights. You just don't do that to people you supposedly love.

I guess it depends on the individual then? I've asked my two grown up children, my daughter can't even remember the one occasion she was smacked and says she would have hated the naughty step and is glad we never used that as a punishment (she thinks it's cruel to drag a young child away from the rest of the family and force them to sit alone, but she's only 18 plenty of time to change her mind, especially after she's got kids of her own ).

My son can remember being smacked and said he was surprised he wasn't smacked more because he deserved it! :eek:

Thankfully neither of them have any issues and don't feel like I violated their basic human rights. And believe me they would say if they had a problem with it, my son says when he was a teenager he thought we were too strict about not being out late, who they could hang around with etc but understands now why we were strict about it and thinks we did the right thing. And they know that there's no "supposedly" about the love I feel for them.