Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

anguk

Person_one wrote: »

Adults give each other time outs all the time, you can be kicked out of a restaurant for creating a disturbance, your friends might ignore you for a bit if they are upset with you, you can get suspended or sacked for poor behaviour at work, for the worst transgressions we are isolated from others in prisons.

However, we've decided as a society that violence towards others is unacceptable, so that should apply regardless of the age of the victim.

Also, the naughty step de-escalates, smacking escalates.

In what way? :huh: In my experience the naughty step often ends up with a screaming hysterical child and can last for many minutes, a light tap on the hand or bottom can stop the situation instantly. Or do you mean smacking escalates into full-on punching and beating and parents who smack will escalate to beating their child?

mishkanorman

Person_one wrote: »

Elvis/Fang, will you tell the surrogate mother who carries your baby that you intend to smack it as it grows up? I think you ought to.

i would say its none of the surrogates business how they parent the child, in fact no aspect of how they parent would be discussed with the surrogate as its nothing to do with them ?

Person_one

anguk wrote: »

In what way? :huh: In my experience the naughty step often ends up with a screaming hysterical child and can last for many minutes, a light tap on the hand or bottom can stop the situation instantly. Or do you mean smacking escalates into full-on punching and beating and parents who smack will escalate to beating their child?

I think any smack counts as escalation of the situation. It might have the desired effect of shutting the child up quick (if that's all that really matters) but you've gone a step too far to get there.

If you were having a row with your partner and he smacked you I'm pretty you'd consider it an escalation!

Person_one

mishkanorman wrote: »

i would say its none of the surrogates business how they parent the child, in fact no aspect of how they parent would be discussed with the surrogate as its nothing to do with them ?

Nothing to do with them? Really? So you think they should just be a hired womb with no interest in the type of home they are sending their child to (yes it is their child until its adopted by the new parents.)

There's a woman on here who's been a surrogate who I'm pretty sure would disagree with you!

anguk

Person_one wrote: »

I think any smack counts as escalation of the situation. It might have the desired effect of shutting the child up quick (if that's all that really matters) but you've gone a step too far to get there.

If you were having a row with your partner and he smacked you I'm pretty you'd consider it an escalation!

True, but if he physically dragged me to the stairs and made me sit down and stay there I'd consider that an escalation too.

That's why I don't think you can compare a parent disciplining their child with an adult disciplining another adult, it's a completely different thing.

mishkanorman

Person_one wrote: »

I think any smack counts as escalation of the situation. It might have the desired effect of shutting the child up quick (if that's all that really matters) but you've gone a step too far to get there.

If you were having a row with your partner and he smacked you I'm pretty you'd consider it an escalation![/QUOTE]


If my partner smacked me on the bum during an argument or tapped my hand you can bet your life I would lose my train of thought and most likely stop still,

I might even suggest it next time we are having a barney, sounds like it could be fun :cool:

mishkanorman

Person_one wrote: »

Nothing to do with them? Really? So you think they should just be a hired womb with no interest in the type of home they are sending their child to (yes it is their child until its adopted by the new parents.)

There's a woman on here who's been a surrogate who I'm pretty sure would disagree with you!

No, thats why you have several meetings to check suitability with each other before embarking on such a journey, are those meetings supposed to be getting permission for all the things you may or may not do in the next 18+ years of parenting ? No.

Its not the place of the surrogate to think of that child as 'theirs' at any point, otherwise the parents would always feel that child was never truly theirs and that goes against the whole point of surrogates.

Person_one

mishkanorman wrote: »

No, thats why you have several meetings to check suitability with each other before embarking on such a journey, are those meetings supposed to be getting permission for all the things you may or may not do in the next 18+ years of parenting ? No.

Not permission, but the fact that you plan to smack is important information, it should be disclosed at those early meetings. There are lots of people who wouldn't hand a baby over to a couple who were ok with smacking.

mishkanorman

Person_one wrote: »

Not permission, but the fact that you plan to smack is important information, it should be disclosed at those early meetings. There are lots of people who wouldn't hand a baby over to a couple who were ok with smacking.

then those people shouldnt even consider being surrogates, they arent 'handing over' a baby - they are agreeing to carry to term a baby that is in some way genetically the parents child.

Most parents dont set out with the intention of smacking, if I were asked before I had my children my answer would be its something I would prefer not to do but am open to considering should I feel necessary,

as a parent its my right to use my judgement within the boundaries of the law, be my child adopted, from a surrogate or birthed by me.

Plushchris

Person_one wrote: »

I can see grabbing the child (my mum had to pull me back out of the path of a lorry once when I was about 12, too old for hand holding but just not paying attention), I don't really understand what good hitting does though.

If a child is running into the road or about to put their hand in a fire then hitting isn't the best way to stop the action. They must be grabbing the child/the hand, pulling them out of harm's way and then smacking them, as punishment. So still totally unnecessary.

I'd say you could be a lot rougher and do more harm/damage by grabbing them than a light slap on the bum..

I can remember my dad grabbing me to try and stop me falling off my bike when I was learning to ride, it wasnt anything to do with punishment at all but it left a bruise where he grabbed me, I dont ever remember so much as a mark from a slap..

Fair enough grabbing them to stop them running into a road (as in your case) but, as you would say, wheres the line? Is grabbing them and taking them to the naughty step ok?