Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

19lottie82

I don’t have any children myself but would like them in the future.

If a child is not old enough to really understand danger, punishment and consequences (under 4 I would guess?), then I wouldn’t really see anything wrong with giving their hand a sharp tap with a loud “no!”, if they were doing something that ran the risk of endangering themselves, others, or other people’s property and had ignored a prior warning.

I’m 30 now, and like most people my age, I got a few spankings when I was younger and it hasn’t done me any harm!

bobble_hat

I got smacked as a child and I'm still frightened by my Mum, never have and never do confide in her as do not feel able. I have smacked my daughter once and will never do it again, there is no excuse for it. I also tapped the puppy in front of her, for biting, more out of fear and knee jerk reaction. DD (2yrs) was watching and said 'that was unfair'.

We use the naughty step/corner to amazing effect. And I don't reprimand the puppy I correct vocally with AhAh! and reward for good behaviour. Things are much improved. I'm always amazed at the reaction even the threat of the naughty corner elicits. And I'm always amazed that DD stays there.

Discipline by fear is clearly counter productive in my home. I don't ever want my DD to do what I'm asking because she is scared of me, but because I am asking her to, I think the naughty step helps because there is always an explanation of the reason and consequence of the actions, whereas when I did hit, it was through anger and frustration and there really is nowhere to go from there.

If you say sorry for hitting, you are also saying sorry for correcting the behavior, so the behavior may repeat, whereas with the naughty corner the apology has to come from the child for the behavior, not you for the correction. It's more clear-cut for the child.

bobble_hat

Wickedkitten wrote: »

I wish I had only gotten smacked as a child.

As far as not smacking being a namby pamby middle class thing, my mother about as middle class as they come but she is also very much the kind of person who uses violence as a first result and that's because that's how she was raised and she doesn't know any better. Growing up it was pretty much a case of if you !!!!ed her off, she would pick up whatever was the closest thing and beat the !!!! out of you with it.

Once when I was about 10, and back at home from school for Christmas, I had worn a pair of her boots and managed to scuff a bit on the heel so she took the boot and hit me for about 10 minutes straight with it. The next day she couldn't even manage to raise her arm and I suppose even she thought that she might have gone a bit far because she apologised for it.

We don't have a relationship at all to this day and it's not because she smacked me, its because she beat the !!!! out of me and abused me. There is a major difference between the two.

That is awful for you, but I don't agree that there is a massive difference between the two, both evoke a sense of fear, mistrust and confusion and the lesser of the two can lead to the greater. My Mum mostly just smacked but I was dragged down the street by my hair on once occasion because I was terrified out going to school and getting bullied because of the skirt I had been forced to wear that day. Mum never stopped to question why I was loathe to go to school, she just laid into me. Tiime out would have given us both the chance to get to the root of the issue.

luxor4t

If there is a fence, I'm sitting on it, but in my lifetime:

The birch was still a legal punishment within prisons until 1962.
The death penalty was still law.
Boys and girls were caned in school (head teacher's room) or 'slippered' in the classroom with a gym shoe.
If caught doing something wrong the parky or the copper would literally 'clip' the boys around the ear.

Smacking a child did not seem violent to my parents who had grown up during the war, sleeping in air-raid shelters and seeing friends and houses destroyed.

victory

I was, a lot as a child....so no I don't as an adult to my children, ever, there has been a clip here and there but you could count those on one hand, just a tap really nothing more.

anguk

luxor4t wrote: »

If there is a fence, I'm sitting on it, but in my lifetime:

The birch was still a legal punishment within prisons until 1962.
The death penalty was still law.
Boys and girls were caned in school (head teacher's room) or 'slippered' in the classroom with a gym shoe.
If caught doing something wrong the parky or the copper would literally 'clip' the boys around the ear.

Smacking a child did not seem violent to my parents who had grown up during the war, sleeping in air-raid shelters and seeing friends and houses destroyed.

My father-in-law was a policeman, we've got his old notebooks that he had to fill in (going back to the early 50s). This was in the days of no radios, pounding the beat and having to be at the police box at certain times to pick up messages. Very Dixon of Dock Green.

There are several entries that say things like "saw young Tommy Smith breaking windows/stealing apples etc, clipped round ear sent home, will speak to his father later".

BJV

I hate to say it but I smacked my son once.
We had read all the books, watched all the self help, everything, still have a naughty step. But he is just like me and knows which of my buttons to press. He was about six ( nine now) and he had been pressing every button of mine known to man all day. Then bed time came. I saw red and smacked him on the leg. I thought hard. He burst out in tears and so did I.
About half an hour later he told me that it was not the smacking that had hurt him but the fact I burst into tears. ( typical ) since then I have never had to or wanted to ever smack him again.
While he is still only young so far so good, he is no social monster and I would like to think I am not too.

So I guess smacking depends on the amount and the rational behind it ? I do think however that within reason it should be the parents choice.

anguk

victory wrote: »

I was, a lot as a child....so no I don't as an adult to my children, ever, there has been a clip here and there but you could count those on one hand, just a tap really nothing more.

But according to some on here those few clips or taps on the hand are smacking and it's physical abuse and your children will grow up to be violent spouse beaters because that's what you've taught them.

Becles

I don't believe smacking is classed as domestic violence.

I was advised that a smack meaning a slap across the buttocks or back of that hand that doesn't leave a mark is acceptable should you chose to use it in your range of discipline tools.

Walloping, punching or any other action that leaves cuts, bruises or other injuries on the child is domestic violence and that isn't acceptable.

victory

anguk wrote: »

But according to some on here those few clips or taps on the hand are smacking and it's physical abuse and your children will grow up to be violent spouse beaters because that's what you've taught them.

Beating them with a belt, !!!! the living days out of them, punching, kicking, brusing, harming, drawing blood, coming at them with all sorts of tools, those things yes but the odd clip as they rushed past going upstairs to their rooms will never have any lasting damage:D