Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

Lunar_Eclipse

BlueAngelCV wrote: »

I think that comparing it to domestic abuse is really unnecessary.

and teaches them the lesson.

Whilst it might be unnecessary, it is domestic violence. That's nothing more than the cold truth.

The saddest thing though is the lesson that it might teach: violence is acceptable and something we do to people we love to try to get our own way. Useful? I think not. If we're really lucky there might be a second lesson such as electricity sockets are dangerous etc.

CFC

theoldcynic wrote: »

I believe it is good to get the perspective of the voice rarely heard or acknowledged in discussions such as these.

We are fortunate in a way that as adults we are speaking from a position where we are comfortably safe in the knowledge that on the whole we are protected in law from being subjected to violence. Or at least may be able to get some sort of justice if it is doled out to us.

I found these articles an interesting read.

http://www.childrenareunbeatable.org.uk/pdfs/ListenUp-English.pdf

http://www.childrenareunbeatable.org.uk/pdfs/I%20dont%20get%20sad%20-%20report.pdf

These campaigns are supported by the NSPCC and Save the Children.

Actually, the voice rarely heard is the person who believes in smacking children if they need it.

The liberal middle class hand wringers, with their introspective 'oversensitivity' to what is actually perfectly normal, have made smacking a 'taboo'. Why do you think the first post of this thread reads....Could you, would you and if so, are you prepared to admit it?

Children aren't china dolls that will break, or be traumatised for the rest of their lives, by a smack. Nor is a smack, even a couple of hard ones, a 'beating' by any stretch of the imagination. It's like saying all sex between men and women is rape, simply because a small fraction is.

As for the lady who says she was never smacked but has never been naughty, wheras her brother was smacked because he was always in trouble, and now her brother is a tearaway, has she actually thought that her brother might be even worse these days if her parents' hadn't taken the path they did?

Some children are naturally obedient and some love to test the boundaries. They need to be treated as individuals. Smacking is just one of the tools of parenting, needed for some children and some situations.

anguk

Smacking is a very emotive subject and it's quite interesting to hear people's opinions and also to hear what people think smacking actually is. For some people smacking is a light tap on the hand yet others would compare that light tap on the hand to domestic violence where a woman is badly beaten up.

Some people have very strong anti-smacking views and would never do it in any circumstances, others do smack as a form of discipline and some others would only advocate a light tap in extreme circumstances.

Personally I think there is a big difference between a light tap on the hand or bottom and child abuse and I don't think someone who has lightly tapped their child on the hand is a bad parent or needs to improve their parenting skills. And I do think sometimes there is a self-righteous attitude about it as in I'm a better parent because I don't smack, I often see the same attitude when breast v bottle is discussed.

I must admit I don't like the "isolate the child in the naughty corner" punishment, I don't think a parent is wrong if they do that but it's not something I would do. I hated that as a child, I felt humiliated and as if I was being excluded from the family, it wasn't nice at all. And I hate shouting, (not just at children, I hate shouting in general) when I was a kid I had a friend who was never smacked, her parents were very anti-smacking and thought it was wrong. But they would shout and my friend was quite a sensitive girl, the poor thing wet herself in fear a few times when they shouted at her. She doesn't have a good relationship with her parents and has said she wished they'd smacked her bum rather than shout at her.

Felicity

I haven't read past the first page so excuse me if missing the debate here.

I would NEVER smack my child. I expect him to have the same values that I have and hitting somebody is not something I would do. I once saw a friend smacking her 1 year old and I was shocked. What sort of society do we live in if we discourage behaviour by hitting each other?

It wouldn't even be a reaction or cross my mind to hit my child.

Felicity

Having read more of the debate, I still would never smack my son.

And if I ever did I would not be surprised if:-

a/ he decided, as an 18 year old to wollap me around the head if he disagreed with me and

b/ to wollap his first girlfriend around the head when she first disagreed with him.

He would of course see this as accepted behaviour. Of course it is not.

Felicity

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Is a snide comment better or worse than hitting someone? Discuss.

[It can't be that rare if they have learnt ways of bending away from your hand...]

Don't domestic abusers say that they hit their partners as a last resort - and because they drove the abuser to it?

You have quite a point there.

Felicity

bylromarha wrote: »

This debate frequently comes up in DT.

I smack my kids. I rarely need to do it as a range of methods are employed. It isn't the first choice of discipline and I don't enjoy it. I don't smack in anger. Smacks end in cuddles. It is a tool in the parental toolbox which some of us choose to use. Some choose not to have it in the toolbox. Your choice. I truly don't give a stuff about the taboo middle class parents have around smacking. OH and I have agreed the way we parent our kids and are comfortable with our choices.

Now our kids are older, they agree post smack they knew they were heading for a smack as their choices were made clear to them prior to the smack being given.

_____________________________________________________

Well I pity you when you are older and maybe suffering from forgetfulness, if you walk into the road and your grown up child hits you for doing so. They give you a cuddle afterwards and tell you that you after all deserved it, after all that is the way you brought them up.

When they hit their partner for burning their tea, after all they really deserved it, they are comfortable with it and that is the way they were brought up.

You draw a line, do your children draw the same line? Does everybody have the same line? I am pretty shocked at you as you have given advice on bringing children up on this forum.

Hitting anybody is wrong. Full stop. We live in a civilised society and we should be able to deal with any issue without resorting to violence.

My son has stepped out of line on many occasion, he has been dealt with but I have never, EVER felt the need to assault him. I think you should be ashamed. And I am not a namby pamby PC parent at all.
X

Threebabes

Mine are 8, 12 and 16. When the 16 year old was small he might have had a few smacks. After smacking I felt so bad at hurting him, so decided not to do it. A good telling off is sufficient in our home. I do agree a tap on the hand for a small child is ok.

Also I would never ever smack or hit my sisters kids, and I would be livid if she did it to mine. She can tell them off but nothing physical.

ciderwithrosie_2

Having been rarely smacked as a child myself despite us 3 kids sorely testing my mum's patience on many occasions, and witnessed friends' parents taking the belt to them, I didn't want to discipline my own kids that way. However, they did get the occasional smacked bum or hand when doing something frighteningly dangerous to pull them up short when there's no time to reason with words, like if they were trying to run in the road or something. Time to discuss afterwards when the danger has passed.

Peater

My definition of smacking is a palm to the back of the legs or behind. A method employed by my parents on at least 2 occasions.

I have to say, while unpleasant at the time, it made me take notice of what i had done to deserve them and the incidents were never repeated.

Smacking if used sparingly and in exceptional instances is an effective discipline tool. If a child is repeatidly walloped around the head for minor indescretions, then that IS abuse and will more than likely lead to said child thinking that violence is an acceptable form of communication.

I think my parents did a very good job of raising me and i wouldn't be afraid of smacking (my definition above) my own children should a worthy instance arise.