Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

Person_one

BugglyB wrote: »

Well surely that depends on your opinion, or experience.

How? Striking a person with your hand = hitting, this doesn't change depending on the age of the person you're striking!

janninew

Person_one wrote: »

Great post, I have a feeling you're a wonderful mum!

Really?! Even though she has said she can't promise that she won't hit her children in the future? If she does smack them, will she then be a bad mum?

I wish people who post would tell us how many children they have and their ages! Would be interesting to know! People with no children have all these views about how they will parent, the reality is often very different! I always said I would never give my child a dummy, a few weeks later she has one to settle her at night. Until you are there and dealing with problem that arise, you can never say for sure what you will do or how you will react.

elvis86

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

It's the deciding that is so sad. It's a decision you have made rather than a reaction to an event/behaviour/situation.:(

I was determined not to post again, but this sanctamonious b******s convinced me otherwise.

Let me get this straight:

So it's "sad" when a parent thinks about this issue in advance and makes the rational decision that smacking is something that they may do if ever they deem it necessary, and they are to be pitied and derided as a bad parent ("has something seriously wrong with them" etc).

But when a parent gives it no thought (or better, vows never to smack their kids), and then goes in to "react to an event/behaviour/situation" and in the heat of the moment, loses their temper and smacks their child, that's somehow "less sad"?

I should think the latter is far worse and potentially more dangerous, and yet you say it's "sad" that I've thought about this in advance, rather than just seeing how the mood takes me when I have a child and they're misbehaving?

Isn't one of the anti-smacking brigade's own arguments that smacking means you've lost control?

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

Great post, I have a feeling you're a wonderful mum!

janinnew wrote: »

Really?! Even though she has said she can't promise that she won't hit her children in the future? If she does smack them, will she then be a bad mum?

I think Person_one stopped reading after this:

hayleyc wrote: »

I agree with Person_one

That alone was enough to render the poster mum of the year in Person_one's book.:D

The argument now seems to be that if you're not afraid to stand up and admit that you don't object to smacking and that you are open to the possibility of smacking your child in the future; you're a bad parent/child abuser etc.

However, if you [STRIKE]agree with person one[/STRIKE] denounce smacking and anyone who advocate a parent's choice to do it, but end up doing it yourself in the future anyway when, "in the heat of the moment", you lose your temper (and control); this is fine.

hayleyc_2

I would just like to say that I have not said anyone's a bad parent for doing anything differently to me. I fully intend to never smack my children but as I can't see in to the future I can't say 'I will never' - that's all I meant. I just don't know what it's like yet to have older children who know how to wind you up, and 'push your buttons' so to speak. I'm certainly not perfect, and I don't think I ever 'denounced anyone who makes the choice to smack'. Just explained why I don't intend to ever do it. I think one thing I have learned since becoming a parent, it that there is no magic answer that works for everyone, and that as parents most of us are just trying to do our best with the resources and upbringing we've had ourselves. I think as long as parents are mindful of the child's age, and developmental stage and are fair, consistent and loving then that's probably more important than whether they chose to use smacking or not. It's just something I don't choose because I don't agree with it myself.

janninew

hayleyc wrote: »

I would just like to say that I have not said anyone's a bad parent for doing anything differently to me. I fully intend to never smack my children but as I can't see in to the future I can't say 'I will never' - that's all I meant. I just don't know what it's like yet to have older children who know how to wind you up, and 'push your buttons' so to speak. I'm certainly not perfect, and I don't think I ever 'denounced anyone who makes the choice to smack'. Just explained why I don't intend to ever do it. I think one thing I have learned since becoming a parent, it that there is no magic answer that works for everyone, and that as parents most of us are just trying to do our best with the resources and upbringing we've had ourselves. I think as long as parents are mindful of the child's age, and developmental stage and are fair, consistent and loving then that's probably more important than whether they chose to use smacking or not. It's just something I don't choose because I don't agree with it myself.

I agree completely with you, we share a very similar view on parenting. I think we just found person-ones comments odd as they are so anti-smacking, yet you admitted that you may smack in the future, depending on circumstances. I also agree that until you have experience with that situation, you can't know for sure what you will do. My daughter is a baby so smacking isn't an issue for me, I don't feel I can tell somebody with a 9 year how they should be raising their child and that their choices are wrong.

hayleyc_2

janninew wrote: »

I always said I would never give my child a dummy, a few weeks later she has one to settle her at night. Until you are there and dealing with problem that arise, you can never say for sure what you will do or how you will react.

Exactly why I said I couldn't be 100% certain. We all have an idealised view of parenting until they arrive, and then we have to deal with the reality and realise it's a bit more complicated. Mine are only 2 and 4 so goodness knows what's in store in the future, hopefully we'll get through it with most of my ideals intact!

janninew

hayleyc wrote: »

Exactly why I said I couldn't be 100% certain. We all have an idealised view of parenting until they arrive, and then we have to deal with the reality and realise it's a bit more complicated. Mine are only 2 and 4 so goodness knows what's in store in the future, hopefully we'll get through it with most of my ideals intact!

Gosh yes, my view of parenting before I had a baby was so different to the realities! Having a 2 and 4 year old must present some challenges, you were brave to have them so close together, think I would like a 6 year gap between my daughter and the next one!

Lunar_Eclipse

[QUOTE
If you honestly believe this, then I think there are bigger issues in your relationship with you parents. Perhaps they administered more than the occasional smack that myself and others are defending a parent's right to administer, or perhaps they failed you as parents in other ways. Because I was smacked occasionally, but I have never doubted for a second that my parents love me. I've certainly never felt "violated" by them.[/QUOTE]

Well I did/do feel violated. Even with the occasional smack, I didn't think it was right then and still don't agree with it now: as an adult and parent.

The words I used (violated) are strong. I do feel strongly about smacking, but it doesn't affect my daily relationship with my parents. I do honestly feel they were wrong to smack me and it should be/is an offence to do so, but as a parent myself, I know accidents happen, parenting is incredibly tiring and we all make mistakes.

The big difference with me is I see it as a mistake, some posters on here seem to think it's acceptable and defend it as a normal tool to use in raising our children. :mad:

Lunar_Eclipse

elvis86 wrote: »

Okay.

I'd be very interested to see where on a scale you place a parent who routinely beats their child and a parent who regularly sexually abuses their child, in comparison with a parent who smacks their child a handful of times during their life.?

Why? Who cares? The fact that there are worse things we could do to our kids really doesn't come in to it does it? Or perhaps it makes some people feel better, to know that they could be doing worse things.

It's a bit like an adulterer justifying a quick fumble because they didn't have intercourse. They're both wrong for anyone who took marriage vows (unless those vows allowed for quick fumbles.)