Is this abuse?

System

I can only echo what everyone else here has said but PLEASE please get out of there and away from him. You deserve so much better than this. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you but i have every faith in you that you will be able to make this first step and move on to the much happier life you deserve.

Mrs_Arcanum

You are in love with the memory of what was and are using this as an excuse to remain passive. By staying you are accepting that his outrageous and appalling treatment of you is acceptable, just sinking further and further into total submission where you will have none of yourself left.

You need to get out now whilst you still have a little bit of yourself left.

sassyblue

I've got an idea Butterflymind, do nothing!

There'd be no confrontation, he need not ever know you planned to leave, you could put that redundancy nest egg in your account and let him spend it how he chooses. You could cancel those insurances he wanted to and anything else he wants so he won't be upset and take it out on you with his moods. Your little dog can continue living safely where he is, you can carry on saving money when the electricity is switched off and you can be at your husbands beck and call - even sexually - all the time so he's happy.

How does that sound?



Sorry that's harsh everyone but BM you need a jolt.

Tamsin_Temrin

sasyblue - cant fault your post. trouble is, if bm did al that he would find something else. definitely no internet, no councellor, no nothing, it would only ever get worse. that is the worst thing. It never gets better, you can never do enough, never be enough, never change yourself enough.

bm - everyone here is worried about your safety. no-one is sticking up for fface. not very common on here.

I know that you still have feelings for him. I think that they are feelings of 'what if' or 'if only'. How likely do you think this is going to happen? If this was a horse would you bet on it?

If you do nothing, how would you feel? How can you find corners of happiness? what is your survival plan?

sassyblue

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

sasyblue - cant fault your post. trouble is, if bm did al that he would find something else. definitely no internet, no councellor, no nothing, it would only ever get worse. that is the worst thing. It never gets better, you can never do enough, never be enough, never change yourself enough.

I know, but maybe an idea for BM is to imagine her life if she stays, l mean really think about it and then ask herself honestly, will he ever change?

Caroline_a

BM - this is what I struggle to understand. How come that complete strangers on here think more about you than you do yourself? You don't think enough about yourself to walk away from an abusive relationship. You will have money soon, but you are choosing to have it put into a joint account. He could withdraw the lot, spend it on a long holiday to Thailand and leave you destitute. Is that all you think you're worth?

I am happy to help anyone, but there has to be some commitment from the person that needs the help. Otherwise we are all wasting our time..

suze200

BM

You started this thread called Is this abuse and you posted this

Long story short, off work with depression, being made redundant, now my counsellor is telling me my OH is being emotionally abusive (I have posted a longer ramble under the Domestic Abuse Guide sticky).

Everyone who has repsonded has told you YES IT IS ABUSE.

There you've got your answer. NOW WHAT?

Tamsin_Temrin

Just saying that women (and men!) who have been physically beaten, bones broken, hospitalised etc take thirty or forty incidents before they leave, and they can look at the marks, and the bruises, and have to lie to drs and worry about what will happen to kids if they are killed and all.

BM is actually suffering abuse that can be worse because it is harder to heal and it is directly aimed at destroying the very parts of her that will help her to get out.

Butterfly - we are all desperate for you to get away and save yourself. You are the only one that can make that step but if you tell the therapist everything, and get in touch with womens aid, once you make a decision they can help. Neither will rush you, but tbh, I think you are not going to have much more opportunities. Broadband costs, and how much does he use it? Bet the computer, the phone and the therapist are next on the list to be pruned. No support and you will be stuck in a place that just keeps getting worse.

Risking my life here - you got your dog out of the situation, right? I think you are worth more than your dog.

maryb

BM people are worried about you, that's why some of the posts are sounding a bit impatient. I just hope that the concern we all feel and show here isn't making you feel just better enough to be able to stick it out.

But if you do feel better after coming on here think how infinitely much better you would feel when you are free to do what you want with your dear little dog for company

Gigervamp

BM, you haven't been around for a couple of days. I hope you're ok.