Is this abuse?

suze200

BM Why why why won't you contact womens aid? They are specalists and can help you decide what to do and help you do it.

thorsoak

BM - I agree wholeheartedly with Suze200 (above). Do you not want to talk to Womens Aid because you don't think you fit the category of needing aid? Believe me, there are women from all walks of life - from the highest to the lowest - who seek help from Womens Aid.

Way back in the 70s, when I was doing a pre-CQSE course, I had a secondment to a local WA house - and whilst I was there, the wife of an eminent man in the judiciary sought help from them - and her abusive husband was going through all sorts of legal hoops to try and stop her leaving him/having him barred from being near her - but Womens Aid were able to help her to get away and lead a happy fulfilled life (she'd been married for over 30 years) without him - and she herself became a counsellor for Women Aid.

Talk to them - they will give you courage!

Steel_2

Butterflymind wrote: »

Confided more to GP; she says I should take myself away from OH for at least a few days...

Thing is, not sure this has happened, I believe he came into bedroom and was touching me. He says I imagined/dreamed it. But I never dreamt the sensation of being physically touched, or dreamt sound of 2 bedroom doors closing...? Never felt scared of him and so mistrustful before... Putting things in front of bedroom door so can hear if he comes in at night now...

He keeps denying it, saying its me, my meds, paranoia/depression and how could I even think he would ever do that? Feel confused, guilty, a very bad person for even asking him...

So his mental abuse of you has begun again?

Not surprised. For a while you were in control while he was recovering. He didn't like it and now he's taking it back.

And yes, I would take your GPs advice. Go and have tea with your parents and then simply don't go back home for a few days. Without him constantly doing these things to you, you'll find you will feel better after sleeping soundly and more clearly able to focus on what is happening to you.

Otherwise you are going to disappear off the map of the land of living and into a shadowland where you're not a real person anymore and he manipulates you and controls what you eat, when you sleep, when you access the computer and when you are allowed contact with everyone.

Piling things by the bedroom door to catch him out is not normal behaviour in a loving healthy relationship, and he is driving you to doing things like this. He knows exactly what he's doing. Eventually he'll be shouting from the rooftops about your 'mental illness' and how he looks after you. And he's the one that's caused it in the first place and carries on causing it to keep you dependent.

And personally I'd be putting one of those bear traps with teeth in the doorway...

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you - it's hard to read these things back and realise its happening. Sounds crazy, caught up on sleep (when he sleeps I do) and I ask myself what the hell am I doing?

There is still something there, on my side, some feeling. I am a coward, and pathetic, and dread starting again on my own...

Talking to WA makes it something I can't hide from... Been swallowing down my feelings and putting head firmly in sand, tring to believe he's changed/it will get better/he's being nice again...

Then goes pear shaped... Am an idiot, hoped for years, now it's fading. Don't want to be a shadow....

Trying to catch up on more sleep now.... Still dreading the next step... Please don't stop posting and give up on me, even though I feel like giving up on myself. It is ramming it home to me, hoping that this will push me the final step...

BM

Now is criticising finances and taking these over... Feel I am losing my independance more...

nickyhutch

BM, you have somewhere to go - your parents' - just go, and don't look back.

Caroline_a

Now is criticising finances and taking these over.

Do not let this happen whatever you do!! Otherwise you can never get out. The only person who can really help you is you. You say that you dread 'starting again', but what on earth could be worse than a man who is, in my eyes, trying to enslave you?

Let me tell you what the rest of your life will be like. You will be totally dependant on this man. He can make you live in the dark, without heat just at the flick of a switch. The next thing will be your internet access. Then you will be truly alone. You will have to bend to his every whim, his every demand. You will have no say in anything. What you are experiencing is not love, its dependency.

Please break this chain before he shuts the door on you. Then it will be too late, and none of us can help you.

daska

Tell you what, why don't you let an expert decide for you. You go to a doctor to diagnose medical problems, a dentist to tell sort out your teeth, treat this the same way. Don't trust us, ring this number 0808 2000 247 and ask them to tell you whether or not his behaviour is abusive or not and ask them to tell you what to do about it. Then it's not your decision, it's an expert's decision.

duchy

I understand that going to Women's Aid may "make it real" and whilst you are still holding onto a thread of hope that is hard but if you can think about it as going to them for advice -you don't have to do what they suggest-just inform yourself......and then make your decisions.

Froom2

I have read your thread and just wanted to leave a hug for you, I don't have anything I can really say more than others have, but I hope things work out for you better, and soon.

Gigervamp

DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR FINANCES OVER! HE WILL STEAL YOUR REDUNDANCY MONEY!

And as Caroline said, once he stops your internet access, ("We don't need the internet, it will save us money." is one way he might do it) we will no longer be able to help you. If your parents aren't going to help, you will truely be on your own.

Please, don't let that happen. How many times do we need to shout "GET OUT!" at you before you will do something?