Birth Mother

geoffky

Why do i cringe when the word Facebook is mentioned with something as important as contacting your birth parents?
In fact i cringe when the word Facebook is mentioned anywhere..

Tropez

geoffky wrote: »

Why do i cringe when the word Facebook is mentioned with something as important as contacting your birth parents?
In fact i cringe when the word Facebook is mentioned anywhere..

Good question, that, given it doesn't have the slightest impact on your life either way.

Tropez

Anyway, thanks to all for the input/advice.

Obviously, as several have said, if I were to try and initiate contact it would be private between myself and her. I have no idea whether these siblings of mine even know of my existence, let alone the potential ramifications of me wading in giving my best Fonzie impression.

Having thought about it, I'll sit on it until my partner is back. Just as it wouldn't be fair of me to try and impose myself on a happy family, it isn't fair of me to approach a potentially major life event without my partner knowing about it. I'll wait until she's home before I drop any bombshells as it isn't that long now and I really don't want her to be focused on me when she should be enjoying her last couple of months working abroad.

It's been almost 30 years anyway, so what's another few months?

And I'm glad to hear that things have gone and continue to go well for both of you, Butterscotch and SDW.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Tropez - I made contact with my half brother through facebook [cringe all you want Geoff - get over yourself] and there has been nothing buy joy. Unfortunately he still lives the other side of the pond so hopefully we are going to meet in NYC later this year.

Have you thought that your mother might have put all the info up there so that you can find her?

If it is her and she didn't want to be found, I imagine you wouldn't have been able to find her.

Tropez

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Tropez - I made contact with my half brother through facebook [cringe all you want Geoff - get over yourself] and there has been nothing buy joy. Unfortunately he still lives the other side of the pond so hopefully we are going to meet in NYC later this year.

Have you thought that your mother might have put all the info up there so that you can find her?

If it is her and she didn't want to be found, I imagine you wouldn't have been able to find her.

I suppose it is possible although it has been quite difficult to find her.

I had previously investigated but everything I turned up suggested she had emigrated as her husband apparently had too and there was no record of her anyway after a certain date but because of information that came my way, purely by chance last week, I discovered she's actually using her maiden name (something that according to electoral rolls and such she hasn't done since before I was born!).

So she hasn't been that easy to track but at the same time her open profile on Facebook does list information that was quite useful in making sure it was the right one. Her name is shockingly common and an electoral roll search for the rough location I have for her revealed about 16 people with her First Name, Surname and middle initial and a further nine or so that only had a First Name and Surname registered which would not have been a very good starting point.

It has to be said, thanks to her Facebook profile there's no doubt - it is her. Right D-o-B, name, sibling names that I had discovered previously and most importantly photographs, including one that is the only one I ever saw of her... many years ago, which I remember mostly because there's a rather fanciful ornament in the image (although she would never have known I saw that picture).

So yes, perhaps that info is there as a guide, but it could also be that as a family they really don't seem to understand securing your info (her youngest daughter has an open profile telling everyone where she goes to school! :eek:).

Still, something to ponder... maybe one day I'll know

And enjoy your trip to NYC!

RAS

Tropez wrote: »

So yes, perhaps that info is there as a guide, but it could also be that as a family they really don't seem to understand securing your info (her youngest daughter has an open profile telling everyone where she goes to school! ).

Your youngest (half) sister?

Tropez

RAS wrote: »

Your youngest (half) sister?

Yeah, that's right. It seems a bit odd for me to refer to someone as a sister when I've never even met them hence I referred to her as my birth mother's daughter, but you are correct.

Lady_Tara

Tropez wrote: »

Anyway, thanks to all for the input/advice.

Obviously, as several have said, if I were to try and initiate contact it would be private between myself and her. I have no idea whether these siblings of mine even know of my existence, let alone the potential ramifications of me wading in giving my best Fonzie impression.

Having thought about it, I'll sit on it until my partner is back. Just as it wouldn't be fair of me to try and impose myself on a happy family, it isn't fair of me to approach a potentially major life event without my partner knowing about it. I'll wait until she's home before I drop any bombshells as it isn't that long now and I really don't want her to be focused on me when she should be enjoying her last couple of months working abroad.

It's been almost 30 years anyway, so what's another few months?

And I'm glad to hear that things have gone and continue to go well for both of you, Butterscotch and SDW.

Hi Tropez, I have been reunited with my birth mum for ~20 years now, and made contact through a 3rd party, like someone else said, using a very vague message that gave nothing away.

If you want to talk to other adoptees at all (on the internet), there is a thriving community if you google "adult adoptees", where we don't have to give any explanations to non-adopted people or try and make them understand our unique position. (Many of them are American, but there is a growing band of UK people there). I found it a huge relief to stumble upon them and have people to talk to about my journey through reunion.

Wishing you all the best

RAS

Tropez wrote: »

Yeah, that's right. It seems a bit odd for me to refer to someone as a sister when I've never even met them hence I referred to her as my birth mother's daughter, but you are correct.

That's fine. I actually refer to someone who does not like the "normal" designation of our relationship as my (close relation)'s relation! Am used to watching people think about that one.

seven-day-weekend

Update: Aunt is not mobile enough to visit me at the moment, her nephew who will bring them says he would rather wait until she is a bit better and the weather is a bit warmer. That is fine.

So on March 13th, we are all visiting Mother and Aunt , our son and his girlfriend too. It will be the first time he has met his new Grandma. As it is just after Mother's Day, we are sending cards to arrive on the day, and taking presents with us.

Nearly a year since I started this thread!