Birth Mother

NickyBat

I'm sure you'll have a lovely afternoon. x

LisaLou1982

Have a lovely day!! xx

Sommer43

As a mother who was reunited with my son over two years ago, I was particularly touched by this thread. I placed the ad on missing you and at the same time, he was looking for me.

Ours has been a successful reunion. It is important for us birth mothers to be able to come through this.

I wish you both every success, what a wonderful, beautiful experience for you all.

seven-day-weekend

Hi had another good meeting, a bit more relaxed this time, with the same people there. We had all got Christmas presents!

My Aunt's nephew (on her husband's side) is going to bring them over to see me in the new year and we are going for a Carvery. Hopefully my son will be able to join us

Thanks all for your continuing interest.

Sommer, I an so glad you had a successful reunion with your son I am really glad now that I found her, I wish I had done it sooner. Hope all continues to go well for you.

edited to add: I have now found out both their birthdays and my aunt's surname:rotfl:

Tropez

I had to look this thread up again.

I had originally responded on this thread in part bemoaning that contact with my birth mother is never likely to be possible.

Yet through a bizarre twist of circumstances this past week I now have a name, rough location, Facebook page, details of other relatives, brothers and sisters and pretty much the opportunity to simply send an email.

But then I think, should I? Certainly there's some encouraging stories shared on this thread but this is a person I've never met and who doesn't appear to have made much if any effort to meet me. Also browsing her FB page I see someone with their own children and family doing just fine without me popping up and derailing anything. I see children who love their mother, siblings that may not even know I even exist.

And really what do I hope to gain? I know the reason why I was... left, abandoned, given up (take your pick) and truth be told I haven't done too badly... hell, I'd have never met my best friends, my partner, probably wouldn't have my job, my education and everything else - it worked out quite well... so is there a purpose to visiting the past? Do I even have any questions I need answering? Perhaps it is best to leave it alone - it's hardly fair of me to risk upsetting what is apparently a happy family for my own selfish ends.

But on the flip side, what if I don't and come to regret it in years to come?

Meh... why are things never easy?

Errata

Somewhere, I don't know where but your local SS will know, there's a register which mothers and children can have noted if they wish to be contacted. Why not try that first, and see how you feel?
Just because someone appears to have a happy and fulfilled life it doesn't mean they don't deeply regret putting their child up for adoption, even if they felt they had no choice and wanted the child to have a better life than the one they believed they could give it.

poet123

Hard questions. If it was me, having found out what you have I couldn't leave it there. You need not involve anyone other than your BM if you message her via fb, and then the ball is in her court. Where it goes from there if she responds positively is then your call.

Really, I wish you well, and I don't know if you have a family or intend to have one but if so, you will be doing this for them too, they have a whole of host of relatives out there who may really want to know them. I would go for it, but it is something you need to think about fro all perspectives. Good luck.

Brighton_belle

Not an easy decision Tropez...one thought - is your partner still working away? Would it help at all to wait til she is back for that extra support, especially if you decide to go for it.

Kayalana99

Tropez wrote: »

I had to look this thread up again.

I had originally responded on this thread in part bemoaning that contact with my birth mother is never likely to be possible.

Yet through a bizarre twist of circumstances this past week I now have a name, rough location, Facebook page, details of other relatives, brothers and sisters and pretty much the opportunity to simply send an email.

But then I think, should I? Certainly there's some encouraging stories shared on this thread but this is a person I've never met and who doesn't appear to have made much if any effort to meet me. Also browsing her FB page I see someone with their own children and family doing just fine without me popping up and derailing anything. I see children who love their mother, siblings that may not even know I even exist.

And really what do I hope to gain? I know the reason why I was... left, abandoned, given up (take your pick) and truth be told I haven't done too badly... hell, I'd have never met my best friends, my partner, probably wouldn't have my job, my education and everything else - it worked out quite well... so is there a purpose to visiting the past? Do I even have any questions I need answering? Perhaps it is best to leave it alone - it's hardly fair of me to risk upsetting what is apparently a happy family for my own selfish ends.

But on the flip side, what if I don't and come to regret it in years to come?

Meh... why are things never easy?

Just a thought if you do try and contact your birth mother I would maybe suggest trying to do it privatly so it would not upset the 'happy family' unless she made the next move. I can't really think of a way to do it though as even facebook accounts are not exactly private....maybe a simple question that would make her know that you were her son but wasn't sure if she was your mother? I.e Sorry to bother you but I was just wondering if you were in Nottingham on *your birthday and month* as you were looking for someone ? Idk just idea...basicly put the ball in her court? Sorry I can't offer more advice.

Tropez

Errata wrote: »

Somewhere, I don't know where but your local SS will know, there's a register which mothers and children can have noted if they wish to be contacted. Why not try that first, and see how you feel?
Just because someone appears to have a happy and fulfilled life it doesn't mean they don't deeply regret putting their child up for adoption, even if they felt they had no choice and wanted the child to have a better life than the one they believed they could give it.

Is that the NORCAP register? I believe I am registered on that one, unless registrations lapse.

And yes, you are right, of course.

poet123 wrote: »

Hard questions. If it was me, having found out what you have I couldn't leave it there. You need not involve anyone other than your BM if you message her via fb, and then the ball is in her court. Where it goes from there if she responds positively is then your call.

Really, I wish you well, and I don't know if you have a family or intend to have one but if so, you will be doing this for them too, they have a whole of host of relatives out there who may really want to know them. I would go for it, but it is something you need to think about fro all perspectives. Good luck.

Thank you. It is quite a tough decision (especially for someone whose hardest choice so far this year was KFC or Pizza Hut after a football match) and I don't really know what to do... for every pro I come up with I immediately think of a con.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Not an easy decision Tropez...one thought - is your partner still working away? Would it help at all to wait til she is back for that extra support, especially if you decide to go for it.

Yeah, she's still away for another couple of months. It would probably help for her to be around. So far, I've not mentioned any of this to her as I don't want her worrying about me... she's a worrier sometimes.