Birth Mother

Mojisola

Raksha wrote: »

Not all of them did, I was adopted, my birth mother got on with her life and refuses to see me or have any contact. My Father commited suicide when I was 4

That's very sad but was it because of how he felt about what had happened? It would have been very unusual if he had been publicly treated as a bad person as the girls usually were.

an9i77

Its nearly making me cry reading all this! I read a book that was out recently by a woman who'd got pregnant in the sixties when she was a teenager and had to go to an unmarried mother's home. They were made to do hard work until the day they went into labour and then were denied any pain killers. Her birth was so barbaric that she couldn't conceive any more children later (after being infertile for 10 years she did eventually have a child of her own). She had to hand over her baby after six weeks and it broke her heart, although he did get in touch with her in later life. She felt her infertility was a punishment for getting pregnant accidentally as a teenager.
So glad it's not like that today!

seven-day-weekend

an9i77 wrote: »

Its nearly making me cry reading all this! I read a book that was out recently by a woman who'd got pregnant in the sixties when she was a teenager and had to go to an unmarried mother's home. They were made to do hard work until the day they went into labour and then were denied any pain killers. Her birth was so barbaric that she couldn't conceive any more children later (after being infertile for 10 years she did eventually have a child of her own). She had to hand over her baby after six weeks and it broke her heart, although he did get in touch with her in later life. She felt her infertility was a punishment for getting pregnant accidentally as a teenager.
So glad it's not like that today!

That's so very sad, but hopefully they were not all that barbaric. My mother's Home seemed to have tried to offer them some form of counselling (might not be what we'd say today, but was deemed appropriate at the time); it was run by the C of E, so maybe that's why. She was told to go out and make her life, forget all about what had happened but to tell any young man that she may wish to marry about it, so that he knew she had had a baby. She got married in her forties and did this. Her husband said, 'that's in the past and we'll say no more about it', she was happy with this and said he was kind. He died a few years ago.

I think I'll write her a nice chatty letter soon.

seven-day-weekend

This is an insightful article and confirms many of the things I have been told by both Mum and Mother.
http://www.childrenwebmag.com/articles/adoption/adoption-stories-the-pain-of-giving-up-a-baby-for-adoption

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No, she never did. It was one of the things that helped me to make my decision to contact her.

The tale you tell is very sad . I'm glad it's not like that now.

It must have made it even more wonderful for her when you got in touch, probably something she didn't dare to expect.

I got married at just 17 and was pregnant within a couple of months, I looked even younger with braces on my teeth and hair in pigtails. I got used to the "looks" when I got off the bus right outside the home. I was obviously considered a bad lot.

It used to upset me when you saw the girls as you knew they were going to have to give up the babies. There was no real difference between us but their futures looked so bleak. I hope some of them have been reunited with their babies. I think by 1970 it was easier than when you were born but still impossible for a teenager without parental support.

I always felt lucky as my mum sat me down when I was about 12 or 13 and told me how much she hoped I would not get pregnant before I got married (such a big deal in those days) but then she said if it did happen I would not be expected to give the baby up and she would always help. Mind you when I did tell her I was pregnant she was horrified even though I was married. She wanted us to get our own house before a family but we were really happy in our little flat and the house did follow before baby number 2.

seven-day-weekend

Birth mother came to visit me today (brought by male relative and his wife). My husband took the others to the carvery and left me and Mother on our own, we had a lovely talk, mainly her speaking about how upset she was when she had to have me adopted and that she had been in a relationship with my birth father but he was 'no good' and she did not want to marry him. She said she had thought about me every day and that her sister, my Aunt, had prayed for me whenever she went to church.

Anyway, I can now have a more informal relationship with her, I can go to see her whenever I like, just phone first. So we are getting to know each other.

Thanks everyone for being so supportive on this thread.

poet123

What a lovely outcome SDW. I am so happy for you all.

jackomdj

I love your updates SDW, so pleased it is working out so well.

harrys_nan

SDW
that's lovely to hear, I'm so glad it's all working out for you and your mum xx
Keep the updates coming x

amyloofoo

So pleased to hear your relationship is growing even stronger SDW, your updates are wonderful to read.