Birth Mother

meritaten

ok - fear on thier part? don't forget they are of a generation which viewed illegitmacy in a way which is very foriegn to modern minds. perhaps mum is really not well and too much excitement could be detrimental?

seven-day-weekend

meritaten wrote: »

ok - fear on thier part? don't forget they are of a generation which viewed illegitmacy in a way which is very foriegn to modern minds. perhaps mum is really not well and too much excitement could be detrimental?

I am sure they are genuinely not feeling up to it at the moment. I hope that one day they will, but if not, well that's life.

Keeping_Motivated

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I am sure they are genuinely not feeling up to it at the moment. I hope that one day they will, but if not, well that's life.

You have an amazing attitude to all this :A I wish you all well whichever way it turns out

HurdyGurdy

I read your thread, but didn't comment, but I was thinking about you today (the subject of adoptive children searching for their birth parents came up in conversation) and wondered if you had made any progress in managing to meet your birth mother, or if you are still at the stage of letter/phone communication with your family?

seven-day-weekend

Still at letter and phone call stage, but aunt rang me up twice while I was away dogsitting and left a message each time, called me 'dear' and herself 'Aunty V'. I rang her back and she took great pains to say that they thought about me all the time and that they were trying to find photographs to send me (two old ladies, probably don't have digital cameras and internet), and they probably would be Birth Mother's (D's) wedding photos (she didn't get married until she was 46), so I am going to write in the next day or two to tell them that any photos they send I will copy and send the originals back; then they don't have to lose them for ever.

She was quite sweet, she said they didn't have any recent photos because they havene't been on holiday for years - so of the generation and level of education and class where you only had photos taken on special occasions. Bless.

Aunty V is 93 and D is 86, so I don't want to wait too long to meet them, if they feel able, for obvious reasons.

NickyBat

I have been thinking of you too, was hoping one day to hear you had been able to go and see them, bless 93 and 86...grand age.

seven-day-weekend

Having found myself calling Aunt 'Aunty V' I think I could call my birth mother 'Mother D', when writing/phoning. Do you think that is acceptable? (I could not call her mum, I would feel disloyal to my adoptive Mum).

meritaten

'Mother' would do I would think - after all, that is what she is biologically. as long as your own mum is called mum, mom, mam or whatever! you wont really know until you meet her - and she may prefer you to call her by her christian name anyway!
I hope that takes place soon - I think your mother is scared - I suggest that as soon as Auntie V lets slip that mother is feeling better you announce that you are coming for a visit and give date and time! These ladies are about 24 to 30 years older than me - I have aunts of this generation and believe me - they can be harder to pin down than butterflies! they are too used to men taking charge of thier lives and dont like to commit themselves. Take charge hun - make it happen for yourself and Mother and Aunt!

seven-day-weekend

meritaten wrote: »

'Mother' would do I would think - after all, that is what she is biologically. as long as your own mum is called mum, mom, mam or whatever! you wont really know until you meet her - and she may prefer you to call her by her christian name anyway!
I hope that takes place soon - I think your mother is scared - I suggest that as soon as Auntie V lets slip that mother is feeling better you announce that you are coming for a visit and give date and time! These ladies are about 24 to 30 years older than me - I have aunts of this generation and believe me - they can be harder to pin down than butterflies! they are too used to men taking charge of thier lives and dont like to commit themselves. Take charge hun - make it happen for yourself and Mother and Aunt!

Good advice, thanks, and I have written a letter (addressed to Mother D and Auntie V) to say I would like to visit in September or October. If they say yes I will fix a date. I have also said how much Auntie V's phone calls mean to me. I too think D. is scared - so am I!

Will post the letter tomorrow.

Thanks to all for your support....scared again!!

namecheck

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Good advice, thanks, and I have written a letter (addressed to Mother D and Auntie V) to say I would like to visit in September or October. If they say yes I will fix a date. I have also said how much Auntie V's phone calls mean to me. I too think D. is scared - so am I!

Will post the letter tomorrow.

Thanks to all for your support....scared again!!

I have only just seen this amazing thread.

I too hope the three of you will be able to meet. If you do, it will be a very emotional time and quite a lot for elderly people to cope with (let alone you!). I imagine your BM has recognised this and wants to meet, but is maybe scared of the potential emotion of it all.

Will cross fingers for you.