Birth Mother

meritaten

I think a nice bunch of 'get well soon' flowers would be appropriate for your birth mother - and a nice bunch of 'Thanks for your help' for your lovely aunty! brill idea Barbiedoll!

seven-day-weekend

UPDATE< still not met, but have continued to write letters and have phoned Aunt. She is always very friendly.

I will continue to do these things, and I hope they are soon both well enough so that we can meet.

Maybe Christmas would be nice, if not before. I will take them both presents.

NickyBat

7DW, can i ask, have you actually spoken to your mother, or is it always your aunt?

i ask because i just think time is fleeting and it just seems such a shame you have not actually met your birth mother yet.

seven-day-weekend

NickyBat wrote: »

7DW, can i ask, have you actually spoken to your mother, or is it always your aunt?

i ask because i just think time is fleeting and it just seems such a shame you have not actually met your birth mother yet.

Always aunt, by phone, because birth mother is deaf.

I agree time is fleeting. They know I want to meet and said they did too, once their health was better. It is the aunt who keeps in contact, but she assures me that they do want to meet. The one time I did speak to my mother on the phone, she said that she had thought about me a lot and did want to meet me. I have asked them to send me some photos, but they haven't - apparently birth mother says she hasn't got any.

I don't see what else I can do other than keep in contact by letter (to mother) or phone (to aunt). The ball really is in their court now. I hope I can meet them one day.

NickyBat

As you say there isn't much you can do, maybe i'm being too impatient on your behalf

carolan78

When DH got in touch with his Birth Mother me and his half sister were exchanging emails for months before his BM was even ready to phone DH let alone meet. I don't think it was because she didn't want to but I think even though he made first contact she was scared she may have to answer to him about the whys and what nots.

We all finally met at a hotel and it couldn't have gone better, the following week we found ourselves travelling 250 miles to stay with them and although he will never look upon his birth mum as Mum (because his adoptive Mum will always have this role in his eyes) a relationship has been forged.

I am sure once that first initial meet has happened they'll be many more more and they'll be very frequent x

adelight

sdw & farmerswife what lovely stories :j
Someone in my family traced their Dad only to find he was part of the scummiest, nastiest Jeremy Kyle style family in the area. Some family friends actually know her half-siblings, nieces and nephews but she has no desire to let them know she exists now she knows who they are.

pollypenny

SDW< how could I have missed your lovely thread?

Very glad for you!

Pol
xx

expatasia

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think it would be really nice if this thread inspired other adoptees/birth parents to try to find each other. I didn't think of doing it for years and years, and certainly wouldn't have done it if my adopted parents were still alive (although I'm sure they would have understood), but now I've done it I'm actually quite ecxited (although anxious too) at the prospect of getting to know her.

If anyone wants to post their experiences here on my thread , please do so. Some people already have. Even if it is about doubts and fears as to what to do. It would be good to have an 'adopted children support' thread, I think.

Agree with that in theory but (haven't read all pages of this thread) I am curious as to what can be gained, especially if one has been satisfied with the way one's adoptive parents brought you up. I say that with the greatest respect.

seven-day-weekend

expatasia wrote: »

Agree with that in theory but (haven't read all pages of this thread) I am curious as to what can be gained, especially if one has been satisfied with the way one's adoptive parents brought you up. I say that with the greatest respect.

I appreciate that point of view and I didn't even think about it very much until lately (I am now 62). I certainly would not have done it while my adopted parents were alive, although they would have understood.

With me, it was the fact that neither of us (me or birth mother) were getting any younger and I would rather try now than leave it too late and regret not doing so later, especially when I found out that she had no other children.

Some adopted children need to know their roots, I fully undrstand that, which is why I think they should be able to trace their birth parent if they wish.

Just an update on my own story, I have been working away dogsititng for three weeks, so have not been in touch with birth mother or aunt, they did know this was going to happen. Will write and/or ring next week.