Birth Mother

LisaLou1982

Im also really pleased for you SDW! I think its great that youve got in touch and had a reply so quickly!

Im not adopted, but my dad had children from a previous marriage that he didnt see due to massive problems during his marriage. I found my half sister 3 weeks after he died. She had been looking for him for 30years and knew nothing about me. We have a great relationship but we both wish that i had looked earlier - shed have never found me as i have a different name, but i did know hers, it just never really occured to me to bring the past up

Keep us updated x

busiscoming2

SDW I have just caught up with this thread and am so pleased you have made contact and it is all positive. I hope your meeting goes well and will be popping back to hear all about it.

sarymclary

SDW so glad you're had a positive outcome to your initial letter, and phone call. Looking forward to hearing further news ... hopefully later this week!!

My sisters and I are attempting to try to find out about my mother's father, who wasn't named on her birth certificate, because despite my grandmother being engaged to him, he turned out to be married already with children! That landed her in a home for unmarried mothers, and my mother was destined to be adopted... until my great grandmother found my nan 9 months pregnant scrubbing the floors of the home's corridors, for being such a naughty girl! Great nan took her home immediately, in spite of the shame it may bring on their middle-class family, although my great grandfather never spoke to my great nan or nan again, and pretty much locked himself in the front parlour after that away from them forever after.

It was never spoken about openly, but my mum once heard her mother tell her his name, and she'd mentioned it to me (my other 3 sisters were oblivious to it for some reason?). He has an unusual name, but so far we've drawn a blank. She was born in the 1930's so he's not going to be alive still, but we definitely know that there are other half relatives out there somewhere....

seven-day-weekend

sarymclary wrote: »

SDW so glad you're had a positive outcome to your initial letter, and phone call. Looking forward to hearing further news ... hopefully later this week!!

My sisters and I are attempting to try to find out about my mother's father, who wasn't named on her birth certificate, because despite my grandmother being engaged to him, he turned out to be married already with children! That landed her in a home for unmarried mothers, and my mother was destined to be adopted... until my great grandmother found my nan 9 months pregnant scrubbing the floors of the home's corridors, for being such a naughty girl! Great nan took her home immediately, in spite of the shame it may bring on their middle-class family, although my great grandfather never spoke to my great nan or nan again, and pretty much locked himself in the front parlour after that away from them forever after.

It was never spoken about openly, but my mum once heard her mother tell her his name, and she'd mentioned it to me (my other 3 sisters were oblivious to it for some reason?). He has an unusual name, but so far we've drawn a blank. She was born in the 1930's so he's not going to be alive still, but we definitely know that there are other half relatives out there somewhere....

A similar thing (married man) happened to an aunt of mine, and my mum and dad looked after her and she kept her baby. Unfortunately he died of a brain haemorrhage when he was 12.:( My aunt eventually married and had two more children, But it was unusual in those days to keep your baby if you were unmarried.

Best of luck with your search.

victory

Excellent very pleased for you:D

sarymclary

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

A similar thing (married man) happened to an aunt of mine, and my mum and dad looked after her and she kept her baby. Unfortunately he died of a brain haemorrhage when he was 12.:( My aunt eventually married and had two more children, But it was unusual in those days to keep your baby if you were unmarried.

Best of luck with your search.

It was incredibly unusual. You were either farmed off to relatives in the country, or you went into one of these awful homes for unmarried mothers, akin to a prison. I think life was always hard for my nan, working and trying to make a life for herself and her child. I think my great-nan did a great deal of the raising of my mother, and as a result my mum felt rather unloved by her own mum (their relationship was strained most of the time). My mother was an only child, and it took quite a few years until my nan found love again, but they never married. She was clearly unconventional my nan!

So sad about the little lad dying so young, but glad to hear the aunt went on to have a family in the future.

candjsmum

sarymclary wrote: »

It was incredibly unusual. You were either farmed off to relatives in the country, or you went into one of these awful homes for unmarried mothers, akin to a prison. I think life was always hard for my nan, working and trying to make a life for herself and her child. I think my great-nan did a great deal of the raising of my mother, and as a result my mum felt rather unloved by her own mum (their relationship was strained most of the time). My mother was an only child, and it took quite a few years until my nan found love again, but they never married. She was clearly unconventional my nan!

So sad about the little lad dying so young, but glad to hear the aunt went on to have a family in the future.

My gran, 94 in November, was illegitimate when born in 1918. My great gran was only 17 when she had her and she kept my gran and her family stood by her, very unusual I would think for that era. As far as we are aware, my gran was never told who her father was, and me and my mum have often wondered about it, especially as I do family history and my grans line looks very bear. We think my great gran may have either "given herself" to her loved one before he went off into WW1 and never came home, or as she was in service at the time, it was someone where she worked. Either way we will never know, but I truly admire my great gran as it must have been a very difficult time even with her family beside her.
So glad it has worked out for you SDW XX

thewrinklyrider

Good day, Along the same path but looking in a very different direction......

My wife had a liaison before we met and a child was the result of this liaison. The child was adopted and no contact has taken place between the child or my wife since then (40 years ago.) She has no interest in the whereabouts of this child at all. What I am trying to find out is, Would this child have any claim on either my estate or my wifes estate? We have two children of our own now.

misfire wrote: »

krlyr has said exactly what I would have! if you phone she may feel put on the spot and it may be a huge shock for someone her age (who may not even know you are able to trace people via the internet). I also feel if you write with news about your life, happy marriage, child etc.. even if she doesn't get in contact she will know you are happy and therefore her decision was the right one.

I hope that it is the right person, and that it all goes well for you x

seven-day-weekend

thewrinklyrider wrote: »

Good day, Along the same path but looking in a very different direction......

My wife had a liaison before we met and a child was the result of this liaison. The child was adopted and no contact has taken place between the child or my wife since then (40 years ago.) She has no interest in the whereabouts of this child at all. What I am trying to find out is, Would this child have any claim on either my estate or my wifes estate? We have two children of our own now.

AFAIK the child wouldn't if they were officially adopted as they are no longer a member of your wife's family.

Mojisola

thewrinklyrider wrote: »

My wife had a liaison before we met and a child was the result of this liaison. The child was adopted and no contact has taken place between the child or my wife since then (40 years ago.) She has no interest in the whereabouts of this child at all. What I am trying to find out is, Would this child have any claim on either my estate or my wifes estate? We have two children of our own now.

As long as it was an official adoption, then, no. The new parents become the next of kin and the birth parents cease to be legal relations.