Ms, Mrs or Miss?

sarymclary

Thanks guys!

I was quite happy continuing on with Mrs xxx (married name), especially as it's the same as my children, and it's been my name for so long.

It was really only the fact that I'd noticed the way friends & family were addressing me by post that made me think twice about it, and wonder if I was being a bit out of step, or clinging to something that maybe I shouldn't?

I'm quite happy with my name, and I never saw a reason to alter it, although a previous guy I dated, before my now partner, did question it, and asked me not to wear my engagement/eternity rings.

My OH now has asked me in the past why I use the title Mrs. still, as I'm no longer married, but in my head, I guess I still am?! Don't know if that makes sense. I suppose that somewhere, deep inside, I still feel the need to keep the name, so have, and like has been mentioned, it's that tie to my children I want too.

I'm quite traditional, so with friends and family who are unmarried I have always stuck with Miss, regardless of whether they're in a relationship or not.

One of my sisters, in her 60's has never married her long-term partner of 30+yrs, and still uses Miss, although I think among mutual friends they have, she's been referred to as Mrs. xyz because an assumption was made that they were married, and I think she happily let that be the case, rather than correcting them. I'm always too honest, and blurt out when people call my OH my husband 'no he's not, he's my boyfriend!' lol

PinkPeonies

Like others have said, whatever you feel is best. Personally, if someone is a widow I would address them as Mrs married name as they haven't broken up and so their name hasn't changed. Legally I know as soon as you marry you can be known as both Miss maiden name and Mrs married name. Also I don't think there's a 'right' and 'wrong' in today's society so whatever makes you happy is best

Sorry just saw you posted. That's what I meant, you aren't divorced so I wouldn't address you as your maiden name or miss, unless I knew that's what you wanted

Lucy_Lastic

I have no idea why anyone taking your "details" needs to know if you are Mrs, Miss or Ms. I often feel like saying - pick anyone you like, I don't care! First name and surname are quite sufficient.

I am divorced and if pressed, usually plump for Ms. I still use my married name as I am still very friendly with my in laws and feel it would upset them if I went back to my maiden name. Besides which, it's too much hassle.

System

If i was seperated/divorced i would use Ms. In fact i used Ms for months after me and hubby split up and got back together again.

However, i'd hate to go back to my maiden name. I'd use the same surname as my kids unless i married again.

Person_one

People are probably using Ms because they aren't sure what you prefer, and despite what some people seem to think Ms is the neutral option as it doesn't say anything about your marital status.

You can call yourself whatever you desire, just politely correct people who get it wrong so that they know for next time.

BugglyB

sarymclary wrote: »

I'm a bit unsure how others think about this, so thought I'd ask here, with all you sensible lot

I'm widowed, living with a new partner. I have 4 children from my marriage, and none from my new relationship.

I have always continued to be called Mrs. xxx, as tbh, that's what I've considered my name! It never occurred to me to be called anything different, and when you have kids, you'll generally be called Mrs. (same surname as kids).

I noticed in some recent mail from family & friends, that they had addressed me as Miss or Ms. On a couple of occasions I've been addressed by my maiden name (I married over 20 years ago).

I'm now a bit unsure if I am right to still be calling myself Mrs, and if people actually think I'm a bit odd doing so. Also, whether on legal documentation and forms I'm correct to still use Mrs, or I should be using Ms. or Miss?

I'd be interestedd to hear of anyone else's experience, or just opinions.

Thanks!

If I had a friend or relative in your position and I hadn't been instructed or somehow picked up (ie seen it written by them) I would refer to you as Ms surname. Reason being I would not want your new partner to see Mrs Oldhusbandsname (written by me) and assume I was somehow against your relationship. I would want them to feel I was being inclusive of them in your partnership. I hope this makes sense. I'm not saying you're not being inclusive of your partner, just that I would want to be careful (as your friend) not to put my foot in it.

I am Ms Surname, never been married.

BugglyB

Goodness just reread my post and it doesn't make sense. I can't really explain what I mean.

BlondeHeadOn

janninew wrote: »

I always thought Ms was an unmarried, older lady title! I have an old Aunt that has never been married and she likes to be known as Ms Bond, she said being called Miss sounds odd when you are 80 years old!

:eek:

My 1980's feminist soul is weeping at this point, and in fact over this whole thread.....

'Ms' as a title was originally designed to replace BOTH 'Miss' and 'Mrs' as a single and only title for women, to bring it into line with males - i.e. 'Mr' and 'Ms' would be the only two titles used.

The whole idea was to have a title that did not differentiate between a married and unmarried woman, on the basis it should be immaterial to their status.

I find it so sad that what was originally conceived as a good idea to make women more equal – not insist on identifying their marital status in their title – has in fact ended up just being used to add yet more levels of marital status.

pinkclouds

Personally, in your shoes, I would call myself Mrs [first married name] even if I married the second bloke. I think it's important to your 4 kids and to you, to share the same surname. If your (potential) second husband's friends/family call you by Mrs [second married name] then I wouldn't object but neither would I actually change my name. Kids first, every time. I know someone who did this and I think it was the most appropriate thing to do.

Scorpio33

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

:eek:

My 1980's feminist soul is weeping at this point, and in fact over this whole thread.....

'Ms' as a title was originally designed to replace BOTH 'Miss' and 'Mrs' as a single and only title for women, to bring it into line with males - i.e. 'Mr' and 'Ms' would be the only two titles used.

The whole idea was to have a title that did not differentiate between a married and unmarried woman, on the basis it should be immaterial to their status.

I find it so sad that what was originally conceived as a good idea to make women more equal – not insist on identifying their marital status in their title – has in fact ended up just being used to add yet more levels of marital status.

Well you learn something new every day - thanks so much for pointing this out to me.

I always thought (probably like most), that you were a miss prior to marriage, Mrs when married, and Ms after leaving a marriage (divorce or widowed).

I can understand some wanting to keep the Mrs after being widowed, but I fear that this is perceived to be a sign of them wanting to hold onto a marriage that is no longer there and it sends a sign to people that they are not ready to move on (yet).

Just personal opinion and I am sure people will disagree, but I guess that is a reflection of the traditionalist values I was bought up on (rightly or wrongly so...)