Ms, Mrs or Miss?

janninew

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

:eek:

My 1980's feminist soul is weeping at this point, and in fact over this whole thread.....

'Ms' as a title was originally designed to replace BOTH 'Miss' and 'Mrs' as a single and only title for women, to bring it into line with males - i.e. 'Mr' and 'Ms' would be the only two titles used.

The whole idea was to have a title that did not differentiate between a married and unmarried woman, on the basis it should be immaterial to their status.

I find it so sad that what was originally conceived as a good idea to make women more equal – not insist on identifying their marital status in their title – has in fact ended up just being used to add yet more levels of marital status.

Surely though as long as the lady in question is happy what does it actually matter?! My Aunty liked to be known as a Ms when she got older. I work with an older lady who has never been married and she gets offended if she gets called anything other than Miss (she's a teacher so her title is used a lot!)

caevans

Like others have said, use whatever title you want! I call myself Ms. I am married but did not take my husbands name, therefore I am not mrs, nor am I Miss! My children have my husbands name. Older people tend to hate this!! Especially my parents and husbands parents .....:-)

Kate78

I am married and am now know as Mrs Husbandsname.

In my early 20s I tried to be Ms Maidenname, but I gave up as people insisted I was Miss - once in my 30s it became Mrs Maidenname - no, I would say, that's my mum!

I gave up as it's so ingrained in society and I could not be bothered to challenge people's narrowmindedness and assumptions.

It puzzles me that in 2012 a woman's marital status is still of importance when addressing a letter.

In regards to the OP - well she should use whatever name she is comfortable with. My MIL is widowed and single and is still Mrs Husbandsname - same as me!

BlondeHeadOn

caevans wrote: »

Like others have said, use whatever title you want! I call myself Ms. I am married but did not take my husbands name, therefore I am not mrs, nor am I Miss! My children have my husbands name. Older people tend to hate this!! Especially my parents and husbands parents .....:-)

I did this too - got married, and kept my maiden name and called myself Ms.

Like you I find it tends to upset some people.....

BlondeHeadOn

Kate78 wrote: »

I am married and am now know as Mrs Husbandsname.

In my early 20s I tried to be Ms Maidenname, but I gave up as people insisted I was Miss - once in my 30s it became Mrs Maidenname - no, I would say, that's my mum!

I gave up as it's so ingrained in society and I could not be bothered to challenge people's narrowmindedness and assumptions.

It puzzles me that in 2012 a woman's marital status is still of importance when addressing a letter.

In regards to the OP - well she should use whatever name she is comfortable with. My MIL is widowed and single and is still Mrs Husbandsname - same as me!

I agree so much with this - why should it matter?

burnoutbabe

I have been a Ms since 18, for the reasons that i don't think the world should know if i am married or not.

I would not however dream of writing to a widow and not using her married title of Mrs xxxx (if thats how she has been known during the marriage), that would be very cruel and strange thing to do.

moneypuddle

Just whatever you like - its your name and you can do whatever you like

VfM4meplse

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

'Ms' as a title was originally designed to replace BOTH 'Miss' and 'Mrs' as a single and only title for women, to bring it into line with males - i.e. 'Mr' and 'Ms' would be the only two titles used.

The whole idea was to have a title that did not differentiate between a married and unmarried woman, on the basis it should be immaterial to their status.

And that is why I have used the title "Ms" since I was a teenager - my name is not going to change whether single, married, divorced etc. It's a deliberate choice not to take on the name of any man. (Aside from my father's, of course ).

It can however sometimes be helpful to refer to myself as "Mrs" and allude to a intemperate (but non-existant) husband when dealing with tradesmen in particular.

Gleek

My mum has been widowed for 8 years and is still Mrs Marriedname. She's no interest in dating again so won't ever change it.

Depending on the circumstances I'd probably whip straight back to Ms Maidenname if I divorced. Widowed I'd keep Mrs Marriedname.

lostinrates

VfM4meplse wrote: »

And that is why I have used the title "Ms" since I was a teenager - my name is not going to change whether single, married, divorced etc. It's a deliberate choice not to take on the name of any man. (Aside from my father's, of course ).

It can however sometimes be helpful to refer to myself as "Mrs" and allude to a intemperate (but non-existant) husband when dealing with tradesmen in particular.

While that is fair enough, its not everyones choice. I would always address someone who identified them selves so to me as 'ms' but probably would not think to apply it. Occasionally i have addressed letters to women as firstname surname, no title when uncertain.


I like the idea of a non differentiating title (and its not quite so that mrs was always for married women it was once given somewhat arbitrarily as a title of respect to some unmarried women) but i simply hate the word 'ms'. Not that keen on 'mrs' either, but its a little less ugly on my ear.:o

I have both my maiden name and married name still in use, for various reasons, procrastination being one of them, but mainly, when first married i was still receiving some money n my maiden name for work i did not intend to pick up again, it made sense to continue to associate that with my maiden name.

I like having taken my dh's name, we talked about alternatives, but are happy with this, in personal situations i am always mrs dh, very occasionally i still receive stuff to do with old work as miss df.
Fwiw,i am the last person in 'my line' so my maiden name in our family 'dies' with me. It doesn't matter much to me or my family, its only a name, and we have plenty of them each!