Ms, Mrs or Miss?

Mojisola

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

My 1980's feminist soul is weeping at this point, and in fact over this whole thread.....

'Ms' as a title was originally designed to replace BOTH 'Miss' and 'Mrs' as a single and only title for women, to bring it into line with males - i.e. 'Mr' and 'Ms' would be the only two titles used.

The whole idea was to have a title that did not differentiate between a married and unmarried woman, on the basis it should be immaterial to their status.

Women have been trying to get this equality since the early 1900s - http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2011/11/what-are-mrs-and-ms-short-for/

I'm sure most people would think a man was very strange if he introduced himself as "Mr Smith and I'm single" or "Mr Smith and I'm married" but that's exactly what's expected of women when they are asked if they are Miss or Mrs.

I address all adult females as Ms and all adult males as Mr unless someone tells me they prefer a different honorific.

In sarymclary's case, call yourself whatever suits you. Honorifics are in a state of flux - you choose what you want to be called but don't be surprised if others address you differently unless you've told them you want to be Mrs.

lostinrates

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

I agree so much with this - why should it matter?

It doesn't really, but i do identify as mrs dh now. Not least because a big part of my job, unlike many people now, is fitting around dh. For a while i have been the oly mrs dh, as his dad is widowed and remarried and step mil kept her name. My bil is hoping to become engaged soon and i might not be the only mrs dh. That will be fun as it will make me mrs dh's first name lastname i guess.


Edit: in retrospect i would have used one or the other not continued to juggle both names. It gets a bit confusing. A couple of years ago i was u expectedly contacted to do some niche work which i did and they paid me in the 'wrong name' for my bank account, having learned i had got married....my maiden name i still use for my almost non existant professional income bank account. Its not a huge deal, but i probably should finish making the change to being mrs dh eventually.

BlondeHeadOn

VfM4meplse wrote: »

And that is why I have used the title "Ms" since I was a teenager - my name is not going to change whether single, married, divorced etc. It's a deliberate choice not to take on the name of any man. (Aside from my father's, of course ).

It can however sometimes be helpful to refer to myself as "Mrs" and allude to a intemperate (but non-existant) husband when dealing with tradesmen in particular.

Ditto!


:T:T:T

*Louise*

Kate78 wrote: »

It puzzles me that in 2012 a woman's marital status is still of importance when addressing a letter.

Agreed!

What annoys me more though is the old fashioned traditions of being addressed as 'Mrs- Husbands initial- Marriedname'.
I took on his surname*, not his first name as well!!!:mad:


Actually, I am 'Mrs Maidenname-Marriedname' as I liked my name but that's besides the point


OP - I think it's perfectly usual for a widow to continue to use her married anme until such case as she married again, no one I know has changed their tital after their husbands death. Anyway - think of the paperwork! No thanks.

Jo_F

When I was going through my divorce (about a month before the nisi) I changed my surname from my married name, I picked my new partner's surname as I didn't ever want to go back to my maiden name, so I just became Mrs Partner'sname.

If we ever get married, then I don't have to go through the palaver of changing name again, but it does cause some confusion when people first meet us as they assume that we are married.

Personally I hate Ms, but thats just me

scottishchick27

I'm a Ms. I'm not married to my OH though we have been together for 14 years. I changed my surname to the same as my OH and DD but as I'm not married I don't refer to myself as Mrs and I'm too old (34) to be a miss, I feel.

jackieb

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I have been a Ms since 18, for the reasons that i don't think the world should know if i am married or not.

I would not however dream of writing to a widow and not using her married title of Mrs xxxx (if thats how she has been known during the marriage), that would be very cruel and strange thing to do.

I feel the same. Unless the lady in question wants it to be changed of course, but I can't see why they would in any normal circumstance.

ellay864

I was happily Mrs Married name until we split up. At that time I used Ms Marriedname - I kept the name as we had kids. I didn't formally change to Ms on all things but that's what I called myself and for anything new it's what I used. I was Ms Marriedname until last October when I re-married and am now very happily Mrs Newmarriedname

VK-2008

i have only read first post, i would stick with mrs, if you are widowed it would not appear t be any harm in kee[ing ur married name, unless u plan on marrying new partner
if my husband passed i would keep my married name as its what i chose in getting married

tizerbelle

OP, I think some people worry about continuing to use Mrs in relation to a widow as they think it may be a reminder that your husband has passed away and cause upset as you may consider it insensitive.

My mum (a widow of 14 years) has found the same thing but she prefers to be known as Mrs Marriedname as to be known as anything else would in her mind be a snub/rejection of the shared history she and her husband had. She has had to tell a few people that she is not a Miss as she has been married and in no way is she a Ms. (she hates Ms!)