Telling off adult children.

tinktinktinkerbell

Ames wrote: »

I was supposed to be going on holiday on Saturday, but due to the day from hell with everything going wrong I missed my flight.

I phoned dad yesterday and he actually shouted at me and told me off about it.

I'm 31, what I did didn't affect him or anyone else, so why tell me off?

I'm still a bit annoyed about it.

Does anyone else get told off by their parents, or do any of you have grown up children that you still tell off?

I think I'm annoyed because it's just one example of little things he does to put me down which upset me a bit.

totally with you on this

my dad still tells me off, get told off if i get a tattoo which is why i dont say im getting one, just get it and go ta da

got told off the other day for asking his opinion on me getting a wheelchair so i can go out a bit more (yet he was all for my mam getting one despite us having the same condition!)

get told off if i dont get up at the crack of dawn like he does

get told off for weight lifting and wanting to be a body builder should be doing cardio apparently

get told off for losing weight cause apparently im not losing it fast enough, i should lose it like he did

get told off for liking football and wearing football tops, should dress like a woman apparently

no wonder i dont want to call him or see him now

faerie~spangles

I wouldn't dream of telling my adult children off.

Their life, their decisions, their responsibility for their actions.

scooby088

A parent doesn't stop being a parent just because you have got older, it is probably the longest relationship you will ever have in life. For me i wish i had both my parents here if only just to say bog off when i do something they don't like.

meritaten

I am coming up to sixty and my mum has no compunction about 'telling me off' if she thinks I need it. I ignore it! She also tells off MY kids, which I dont ignore, its not her place to do so. In fact I refused to attend her 'royal command' sundays for weeks, as she phoned my son critisising his partner when he was having a nervous breakdown. I was bloody furious with her! I wouldnt go to hers until she apologised (a rare experience for her). my mum always thinks she is right and she is getting worse as she is getting older. I dont realy like her much (never have - she is a total snob and thinks I have married beneath me and my kids are chavs - while my sis is married to this higher being (who cheats on her and its going to end in disaster, but she thinks he is wonderful!!!!!!). arrrgh - tbh I can barely tolerate my mother in small doses - two hours and I have a headache!!!!!!!! She has become this narcissist who my father wouldnt recognise as the woman he married. he died 20 years ago and living on her own hasnt improved her!
I try to remember her when I was little - and .........she was impossible then. my bro and sis probably think of her differently - she was much nicer to them. bro was the 'son and heir' (of nothing) and little sis was her 'golden child'.

Do I sound bitter? I probably am - She talked me up in public while hitting !!!!! out of me in private. I was always immaculately turned out - but it was only my nan and granch who knew how nasty she was with me - and I spent as much of my time with them as I could.
even my dad didnt know how she was with me - he was always in work - so mother could dress me like a barbie doll and then complain to him how naughty I was.
Dad always believed mum and I got many a telling off for things I didnt even know I had done! His mum was a sweetie apparently and he always thought my mother was the same. Which she was in front of him.
yeah I have issues with my mother - its far too late to confront her - even 35 years ago she was convinced she was the 'perfect mother and I let her down'! (got pregnant and didnt tell her until I was 5 months - I was getting married anyway but she still didnt speak to me for another 4 months!)

I still go see her once a week - but its a duty visit and I do NOT say much. Dont need to as there are at least 4 or 8 grandkids/greatgrandkids of hers are around which she stuffs with forbidden sweeties.
She tries to tell me off or what to do - I just sit there and smile and do what I want anyway. Its quite satisfying as revenge - she cannot complain and my kids are realising that she is NOT what she purports to be. they are seeing her for what she is and realising that I am telling them the truth about my own childhood.

grey_lady

So Ames,

I wonder if your expecting something from your dad that you just arent going to get back? E.g. you can say I missed my flight because Im bi-polar and expect sympathy or at least an understanding, whereas what you are getting back is 'I dont buy it that your bi-polar, i just think your forgetful/thoughtless enough to miss a flight'. If that is who your dad is then stop expecting the first response because its only going to cause you pain, you cant change him or how he views or treats you.

Meritaten,

Re your mum, Why do you bother? because all it does is reinforce her behaviour that, that's ok and teaches your kids/grandkids that, that's ok. Is it easier to bite your tongue than to stand up to her?

property.advert

Age 31 and you are still phoning your parents about something as trivial as missing a flight.

Get a life and grow up !

Ames

Erm, no, as I said I just phoned to see what he was up to, the normal weekend phonecall, since it didn't look like I was going on holiday, and obviously had to explain why I was at home.

Or should I have just waited and pretended I'd gone on holiday?

I was also phoning because it was the first mothers day without mum. I'd planned to be on holiday to 'escape' from it. Since I was at home I was feeling down and wanted to speak to someone, instead of just miserably staring at the four walls.

KxMx

Oh lordy. Mum & I went out today and as we were crossing the road she actually reached out to hold my hand- honestly I didn't know what the heck she was doing at first! :rotfl:

I was 25 last week. I'll often say to her things like "going to put the heating on" and get "yes that's fine" in a permission tone- well I wasn't asking, I was telling! The laugh is she's the one who has told me not to ask when I want it on, i'm to just go and turn it on!

With the nosy questions we are getting somewhere, mainly because I am often too ill to go out and do anything now lol. She says it's a parents job which I accept, but that is an excuse as she passes the parent line and crosses into nosy/ intrusive-ville.

She then says it's habit but i'm afraid that excuse is a good 5 years out of date if not more.

She's always had a habit (and I don't mean this in a bad way) of trying to control me, and sadly my plan to escape as soon as I could was de-railed by an illness which now stand at 5 1/2 years with no end in sight. This also gives her more of an excuse to mother me I do freely acknowledge.

Sadly she has this fantasy that I will live at home forever and twice has voiced me being still at home when I am 30 :eek: Well I was so horrified the last time she said it and i'm afraid I was a bit rude and think she's got the message!

Said today in a year or two regardless of circumstances will be looking at the possibility of a council flat and she seemed to accept it. But we've been here before and the "if you still live here in 5 years" speeches will start again i'm sure. However she did suggest I go on the tennancy as a joint tennat where we live now which has pleased me. But again things will regress as they have done before.

Part of the problem is I am living the life of a 10 year old in terms of being home every night, I can't do anything which is normal for someone my age and that natural seperation just isn't happening and so I get treated like a kid due to my situation. She'd still be on with the nosy questions but I think she would be better around the other stuff had that happened. I hope so anyway. It was a good 6 or 7 years ago that I realised I would have to teach any boyfriends/husband the diversion tactics around the nosiness

Ames

Oh my dad has the 'boyfriend' thing sewn up. He just doesn't acknowledge it when me or sister have one, and isn't remotely interested in meeting any.

We've just scored a massive victory in that if he buys mum's house off us he'll get double beds for the spare rooms. He's always insisted we have singles if we stay with him, even though he wont allow any boyfriends in the house. We've had to explain over and over that we're not planning on sneaking men in for naughtyness, we just don't want to keep falling out of bed, since we're both used to doubles!

Sorry to hear about your health problems, I hope you get to live the life you want as soon as you can x

*max*

property.advert wrote: »

Age 31 and you are still phoning your parents about something as trivial as missing a flight.

Get a life and grow up !

:cool:

So now when I phone my mum, I'll know only to talk about geopolitics or the World's debt. Thank you! To think I ever mentionned to her little things about my personal life! How she must be laughing at my immaturity! Oh the shame...:doh: