Telling off adult children.

Ames

I was supposed to be going on holiday on Saturday, but due to the day from hell with everything going wrong I missed my flight.

I phoned dad yesterday and he actually shouted at me and told me off about it.

I'm 31, what I did didn't affect him or anyone else, so why tell me off?

I'm still a bit annoyed about it.

Does anyone else get told off by their parents, or do any of you have grown up children that you still tell off?

I think I'm annoyed because it's just one example of little things he does to put me down which upset me a bit.

sassyblue

Depends how seriously you want to take it Ames. If you find yourself always having problems l can understand him moaning to you about it IF it is things that you could have avoided.

Depends why you missed the flight too l guess?

Ultimately ignore it, l'm sure there are things your parents do that wind you up, oh and choose wisely what you tell them!

Are you able to get another flight for your holiday?

btw, this forum is rubbish today, hope it gets fixed quickly!

PenguinOfDeath

sassyblue wrote: »

, oh and choose wisely what you tell them!

That's one of my commandments in life! Makes things So much easier (in theory anyway!)

I know people in their 40s who got tattoos done years ago, but daren't tell their parents, they then see holiday photos or whatever and give them a pasting!

Ames

I missed it for a few reasons. I went to print my boarding pass and my printer was out of ink, so I went to uni to do it. The uni systems went down one at a time and it took two hours to get it done. I went to get on the train to the airport, but the train that thetrainline said would get me there on time didn't exist.

I do do these things quite often, due to my bipolar disorder. Which he doesn't believe exists.

But like I said, he does other stuff too. Like still having a go because I was rubbish at sport at school. Like going on about me not working (I can't because of my health problems), but then not showing any interest when I got the chance to do a little bit of work which I got paid for. Oh, and turning it into a joke when I said that I was finding all the mothers day stuff hard since it's the first since she died.

As for him doing things that I don't like, yes he does - trying to find a Russian bride for instance - but I don't say anything.

If he'd just said that I should have done things differently, then fine, but actually shouting over something that doesn't affect him?

dizziblonde

Yep I get a regular blasting off my mother for various wrongs, or percieved wrongs I've done/haven't done in life. It's the major reason she ain't coming to the baby being born - cos she'd start telling me off mid-contraction for not pushing what she thinks is the right way.

ellay864

Not quite same situation but my eldest is 20, at uni and nicely sorted in his own flat but I've had moments where I've got unreasonably wound up over things he has/hasn't done. He now avoids mentioning certain things or tells me what I want to hear if I can't check on it!
It's hard to let go of being a parent and I'm working on it!

System

Well yes i still tell my kids off but it has to be over something pretty major as they are all but one adults now and they dont need their Mum crowing at them they have to make their own mistakes. I tell them off and then move on. Nagging them or giving them a lecture wont work but i'm their Mum, parenting doesnt stop when kids reach 18.

sassyblue

Ames wrote: »

I missed it for a few reasons. I went to print my boarding pass and my printer was out of ink, so I went to uni to do it. The uni systems went down one at a time and it took two hours to get it done. I went to get on the train to the airport, but the train that thetrainline said would get me there on time didn't exist.

I do do these things quite often, due to my bipolar disorder. Which he doesn't believe exists.

But like I said, he does other stuff too. Like still having a go because I was rubbish at sport at school. Like going on about me not working (I can't because of my health problems), but then not showing any interest when I got the chance to do a little bit of work which I got paid for. Oh, and turning it into a joke when I said that I was finding all the mothers day stuff hard since it's the first since she died.

As for him doing things that I don't like, yes he does - trying to find a Russian bride for instance - but I don't say anything.

If he'd just said that I should have done things differently, then fine, but actually shouting over something that doesn't affect him?

Ames, l think you should definitely ignore him! No offence but he sounds over bearing and without feeling, of course bi-polar disorder exists and of course you found mothers day hard.

Definitely choose what you tell him from now on, and if he kicks up then have the courage to tell him you don't like things he does like the Russian bride thing to shut him up.

What he's got to learn is that you are an adult and he should treat you with respect and if he can't do that then l'm afraid he'll have a limited relationship with you - i.e what you choose to tell him.

Any

It very much depends...
While children at Uni or still dependable on parents in some way, financially etc and they make such a stupid mistakes that it seems that just because they haven't earned it by hard graft they don't really appreciate it/don't give a damn enough I can see how it winds parent up easily.

However being 10 years away from my mother and definitely being better at most organisation then her myself and completely independent from her, if she tried to tell me off (like for example in your situation when I already had stresfull enough day and now I am kicking myself for missing the flight myself as it is) I think I would just answer in the very same way back to her as I would find it very disrespectful.

My father wouldn't dare telling his adult children off in any way.

duchy

Really you need to let it go -to still be hurt that your Dad put you down for being rubbish at sport at school at least 15 years later means you're holding onto stuff way too long !

I *do* understand -my Mum did the same thing to me throughout her life -If anything good happened to me she'd find something negative to say -it drove me mad but in time as an adult I learned to ignore it . I knew she loved me so I couldn't understand it-especially as she never did it to my brother and was generally tough on me and very easy on him.

Finally at the grand old age of forty-something I was telling her about a new job and she made her usual negative comment and I snapped and told her I was sick of her doing it and asked her why. She tried to brush it off but I didn't let her-then there was a long pause and she said "My mother always did the same to me-I hadn't realized I'd done it to you too-I am so sorry" We then had a long talk about my grandmother (who I never knew). My Mum died within the year and I'm glad we cleared the air.

If your Dad is like that with everyone then you may need to accept that's just how he is -but if it is just you-there may be other reasons and it might be worth talking either to him or other family members about HIS childhood but regardless of the reason if it has gone on since your childhood it is HIS problem not yours -and only becomes yours if you allow it to !

Janey3

My late Mum, even in her 90s and me 60 something, could make me feel like poo and a blithering idiot! She just knew which buttons to press. I got to be a dab hand in deciding which bit of news I was going to tell her and which bit to keep to myself:rotfl:

And OH's late Mum used to speak to him as if he was 6 years old sometimes!