Having problems with DD2 now :(

Darlyd

I have posted about problems we are experiencing with DD1 (12), nothing has changed, it's like trying to make a paralysed person to walk. Still seeing CAHMS psychiatrist, but this is just a slow painful process. Social services have pulled out. ( I could scream, DD2 in my eyes is suffering now, we need rest bite !!!!!!).

DD2 (5) has started to shout a lot, she keeps getting up out of bed every hour or so, (she used to be so perfect slept right through.), she has become more demanding. She is not bullying anybody I have spoken to her teacher BUT she does not take no cra p from anybody in school, it's embarrassing. She has this on off friendship with a certain friend, when I picked her up last Thursday DD2 came storming out, "I hate blah blah, don't stand next to her dad again", she carried on all the way to the car, it was so embarrassing, I got DH to pick her up the following day.

DH keeps saying to me its DD1 that is affecting her, and he doesn't want her here anymore (not her real dad), and if I leave too he will fight me in court for DD2.

We get no respite at all from DD1, she constantly telling us to shut our gob, screams at DD2, threatens DD2 with a slap or kill her, when she is freaking out, wrecking the house DH has to take DD2 out the house as well as the dogs.

Banging my head against a brick wall here. scared poopless DD1 is affecting DD2, teacher says no problems at all, she is very bright and helpful in school. Social services pulled out, nothing they can do, just leave it to CAF and CAHMS. THEY ARE NOT HELPING, she is non compliant.

I have done everything I have been taught in parental group, but think I have to change the reward, she seems to think if she hoover downstairs I HAVE to give her £5, she was kicking my dash, grabbed my steering wheel and shouting at me whilst I was at a busy roundabout, how I got to where we were going safe I do not know!

I can't cope.

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=darlyd;51390779).

She has this on off friendship with a certain friend, when I picked her up last Thursday DD2 came storming out, "I hate blah blah, don't stand next to her dad again", she carried on all the way to the car, it was so embarrassing, I got DH to pick her up the following day.
.[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but from what i can see this is a parental discipline issue

Do you really understand what you have allowed your child to do.

She has shown no respect for an adult(friends dad) and you not only have allowed her, but "too embarressed" the next day, !!!!!!. If you do not stop this your younger child will go the same way as the eldest.

Why was she not stopped and made to apologise to the adult?
My first thing would have been to stop her mid flow, and make her apologise to this adult for her rudeness towards him.

Why was she carrying on all the way to the car?
Why are you getting involved in a debate with her at that time?

Why did you take the cop out way the next day. If you had dealt with it correctly, there would have been no embarrassment apart from to your child.

Sorry if i sound harsh, but it really irks me for children to get blamed for everything , and for adults to opt out of the blame for their behaviour.

As for the behaviour in the car, endangering other road users, If i had that behaviour from mine, they would now be walking or taking the bus.......no matter how difficult that made life for me,

rachbc

time for some consistent firm boundaries with dd2 before things get worse. Blaming it on D1 doesn't solve the problem - only you an do that. Just as pp said - tell her her behaviour isn't acceptable tell her why and make her understand the consequences of it - so you are rude to someone, you get toldoff, made to apolgise and if you on't then you get a consequence - no TV/ playing out etc and YOU as the parent stand up and follow through. If you child is kicking the dash tell them tostop, if they don't explain what the consequene will be, if they don't you stop the car, move them to the back seat, and again follow through on the consequence

gingin_2

I know your question was aimed towards DD2 but surely your DD1 one picks up on the hostility from your partner, this surely is part of the problem and only you and he can sort it and if you don't, you are failing DD1.

Are you treating DD2 differently because of your problems with your other daughter? Rachbc and cheepskate put it perfectly, so there is no point repeating but having read your other posts I really feel that DD1 is always your excuse for the woes in your life, which must be awful for her and is stopping you from accepting that maybe not just she is the problem.

CH27

And you want another child? Dear god!

Why are you letting her behave this way? Who is the adult? Who is the child?

peachyprice

This post is really really sad, it starts out being about DD2, but still two thirds of it is about DD1. Is it any wonder that DD2 is 'acting out' when she sees her elder sister wrapping you round her little finger with bad behaviour and being the sole recipient of your attention?

You've taught her very well that outrageous behaviour gets results an if you don't stop this right now this DD will go the same way as the other, totally out of control.

Why did you carry on driving when she was grabbing the wheel? Do you understand that she was not only putting you at risk but other innocent people too? Why didn't you stop the car?

DylanO

I agree with your partner - DD2 should be as far away from her older sister as possible. She needs to be protected from her. At least she has one parent willing to do this.

emma12345

Unless you protect your other children from the eldest and give them an equal amount of time they will all copy DD1's behaviour. Why wouldn't they? DD1 gets most of the attention, support and by the sound of it, presents in the form of horse riding lessons and expensive handbags etc just by acting up. She is their role model, albeit a negative one, and DD2 naturally will copy her unless you find a way of not rewarding DD1 for her bad behaviour in the form of most of the attention.

Don't get me wrong, I have complete sympathy for what you are going through. You must be under terrible stress. But maybe it's time to be thinking about protecting and giving time to your other children as much as your first.

gingin_2

emma12345 wrote: »

presents in the form of horse riding lessons and expensive handbags etc just by acting up.

I agree but I think you are mixing Darlyd up with another poster.

emma12345

gingin wrote: »

I agree but I think you are mixing Darlyd up with another poster.

Oops, thanks Gingin. Many apologies Darlyd, I hope you get this sorted and this is just a one off with younger daughter, maybe because she was tired or had a fallout with another child on that day.

Darlyd

Appreciate your replies.

Sorry but I do not pay for horse riding lessons etc, you must of gotten me mixed up with someone else.

Couldn't stop the car as like I said in my OP I was at a busy roundabout, we were actually on our way to Asda, to get out of DH hair as he was decorating. No way could I of just stopped it there.

You must understand DD2 is a !!!!!!! nightmare to live with, she does not have me wrapped around her finger, She has lost her tv, and is grounded for what she did. Even though we have sunk further into hell. She is tapped, dangerous, has no fear at all.

DD2 is completely different, she is brilliant, it's just the things DD1 is saying/doing DD2 is started to pick up on it, she starts crying now when DD1 is kicking off, I told social services all of this, even though I had a fear they would take DD2 away rather than DD1. But they left us to it. !!!!!!?

DD1 is disgusting, she has no hygiene, I had to hold her under the shower to wash her hair (had been way over a week), with her kicking and screaming. She has also stated her monthly, omg I am not even going to put whats happened there. She pees on her bedroom floor. The list goes on.

DD2 did appoligise to the Dad, he laughed it off. I was embarrassed because I kneeled down to her level and told her to stop it, it's hurtful etc but she carried on.

You have to live this life to understand it. It ain't nothing to do with disapline I can tell ya now, the only thing we can do now is to not let her out, she has no tv, no phone, and now no DS. Nothing else left to take away, conflicting advice, I can not give up our Wednesdays where we go out just us 2, and play games etc, because then I will be told I spend no time with her.

We are doing what physciatrist (sp) told us and keep a diary. Seeing him next month.

But if this carries on, I am going to have to move out with DD1. It's to dangerous, and she does not quite get the consequences. (her head master knows this too, when she being told off for being horrid in school, she puts her head down, then suddenly head goes up and she changes the subject talking about teachers tie or something, they find it weird too.).