Oh no done something awful, now scared.

sassyblue

Put it down to experience and move on OP, it's not the world's biggest crime. x

Nicki

adouglasmhor wrote: »

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Seriously I would not go down that road. She will just take that as another confirmation of isolation and betrayal and however she reacts it will not be positive.

Depends how it is done, i think:

"You were such a pain in the !!! yesterday that I deleted all your emails to get you back. But now I feel guilty, so I'm going to restore them but I never want to see you again"

or

"You left yourself logged in to your email last night, and when I went to close it down, I accidentally clicked the wrong button and moved all your emails to a different folder. I've come round to fix it for you as I didn't want you to worry next time you logged in. I hope you're feeling better today. I was very upset about what happened yesterday"

adouglasmhor

Nicki wrote: »

Depends how it is done, i think:

"You were such a pain in the !!! yesterday that I deleted all your emails to get you back. But now I feel guilty, so I'm going to restore them but I never want to see you again"

or

"You left yourself logged in to your email last night, and when I went to close it down, I accidentally clicked the wrong button and moved all your emails to a different folder. I've come round to fix it for you as I didn't want you to worry next time you logged in. I hope you're feeling better today. I was very upset about what happened yesterday"

Second one might work.

antw23uk

Call the Jeremy Kyle Show ..... you both sound like you will be excellent on

Artytarty

Well she either wasnt in or saw me coming and didnt answer, I dont know which.

Chapter closed I guess.
Thanks everyone for the helpful suggestions, there was some very good advice that helped me see things from a different perspective.

londonsurrey

Artytarty wrote: »

That is a good idea.
I just need to man up enough to do it. Baring in mind that I should not expect a rational response from her.
I suppose if she starts shouting again ( I did not shout at her yesterday, just asked her to leave) then it really is her loss.
Obviously I will still be here for her if she comes to say her mother has fallen or something, but no more excruciating evenings listening to Cliff Richard.

Lol. It sounds like you've been giving too much, and slightly resenting it. It's a difficult balance, but although it wasn't an equitable relationship, if you could do it over, I'd suggest that you try to be MUCH firmer, telling her what you don't like, and allowing her to return favours in what would be her own unique way (I'm guessing probably a VERY unique way. Lol).

As for shouting, I'd also suggest that you repeat calmly to her that she is shouting.

To give you an idea where I'm coming from, I'm female, 40, had a successful career as senior developer at a major mobile phone company, heading up a team of 12 men. My IQ is 152. So technically, I ought to be a reasonably sorted out individual.

But yet I still walk into walls every now and again, sometimes have no idea that I'm shouting (if I hear a kind of echo in the room, it suddenly warns me about my volume), and all kinds of "small" things that irritate people. If I can do all the clever work things, it stands to reason that I know if I'm shouting, don't I? Well, I don't. Volume control when happy or angry is apparently optional with me!

Last year, was I finally diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome. Mystery solved. I wasn't being difficult.
Well, maybe sometimes I was , but on a serious note, sometimes, I really didn't know. And it's official. I brought all this up just in case you are struggling to cope with why your friend is shouting unreasonably. This is NOT to say that she may not just be horrible and shouting unreasonably!

whitewing

And to continue the point above, if your friend was emotionally neglected as a child, she may well not know she is shouting. She may have felt that you weren't listening to her and her volume increased because of frustration. She may be somewhat aware that she must have been shouting because you reacted in a way that others do when she shouts. But she may not actually hear that she is shouting; it may have sounded a normal volume to her. It is frustrating when trying to put a point across when you want people to listen to what you are saying but all they do is say stop shouting!

Artytarty

Thanks Londonsurrey for that post.My husband has suggested many times to me that she have Aspergers syndrome. I always said, no, she is just shy and a bit socially awkward.
I think I have everything she ever wanted from life possibly.Marriage to a good kind man, children, security.
For the record, she is far from thick, if we had both read the same novel she would want to discuss the subplot and the main protagonist, I would have read it on a more shallow level.

duchy

skypie123 wrote: »

To be honest I think you acted pretty disgracefully. This woman has mental health issues and yet you snapped at her and then deleted her emails. Are you 15 years old??
She didn't deserve that kind of treatment.
No she shouldn't have assaulted you but she is obviously not well and your behaviour has hardly helped.
Yet all you can think about is yourself...
She is probably better off far away from 'friends' like you.

Frankly this was my reaction too
If you've known someone for thirty-five years and they start acting out of character-the first thing most normal people do-isn't-delete their emails. In fact most people wouldn't do that to anyone with MH issues regardless if they were friends or not.
They'd try and calm them down and talk to them -not throw a hissy fit or try to upset them further. If she's not usually violent then she was having an especially hard time-or you said/did something to provoke her today-whichever it was-for you to talk about having "the higher moral ground" is laughable and you're not coming over as a particually nice person.

I think this person is better off without " Friends" like you.

Incidently people with Aspergers Syndrome are not "thick" or below average inteligence-Most score above average when tested. Their issues are to do with social interaction and responses -they "see" things from a different perspective -and from what you've described -Yes she could have undiagnosed Aspergers -it's a definite possibility. The business about not arranging a meal is pretty AS typical-Throwaway comments are often taken very literally and a casual mention of a possible meal may very well be viewed as a definite commitment to someone on the spectrum-Coupled with poor social skills it can turn into a major incident whereas to most of us we;d just think "Oh she forgot" or shrug it off without though and wouldn't feel slighted or rejected.

If you suspected she has Aspergers then it makes your actions even worse TBH and to try seeing her once and then declaring the issue closed is very telling. The very least you could do is try Nickki's (second) scenario and put right the email issue.

lilibet1

Interesting points of view here. I certainly would try and rectify it as i can tell by your posts that deep down you really regret what you did and morally you know you need to sort things out. I think it shows that you are a kind person as otherwise you wouldnt have given the problem a second thought.

Let us know how it turns out.
x