Oh no done something awful, now scared.

Artytarty

That is a good idea.
I just need to man up enough to do it. Baring in mind that I should not expect a rational response from her.
I suppose if she starts shouting again ( I did not shout at her yesterday, just asked her to leave) then it really is her loss.
Obviously I will still be here for her if she comes to say her mother has fallen or something, but no more excruciating evenings listening to Cliff Richard.

elvis86

I thought you had to be 16 to have an MSE account, but was obviously mistaken as the OP can't be more than 10, surely?

Your friend shouted at you when you wouldn't let her use your computer, you retaliated by deleting all of her emails, and then she pushed you over [STRIKE]in the playground[/STRIKE]..?:o

Do you have mental health issues yourself?

Artytarty

And if I did would the tables be turned then? Who's to say? Perhaps I do, I certainly believe we all have
our weaknesses.

By the way my reference to court and dirty hands was just an expression! Maybe you've never heard it but I never had any intention of taking it any further!

fluffnutter

Just pointing out... violent people are violent, depressed people are depressed. I feel uncomfortable when I read things along the lines of "So and so is depressed - that's why they're violent". Just adds to the stigma.

There are conditions that increase the likelihood of violent acts, e.g. paranoid schizophrenia, but the vast majority of people who show tendencies towards violence due to MH issues turn that anger and harm inwards, not outwards.

skypie123_2

Reading what has been written here I would think that the lady in question was violent out of pure frustration. She had tried to apologise and that apology was rejected. OP has stated this woman has never been violent before. She clearly doesn't have the correct coping mechanisms to deal with a situation and the violence was wrong.

OP why did you reject her apology? Especially in light of the fact you know she has MH problems and also in the knowledge that you hadn't behaved correctly yourself?
Wouldn't it have been better to have accepted her apology and told her to come back some other time when things had calmed down?

I don't think there is any need for you to be slagging her off (comments about Cliff Richard etc) this woman isn't well and there hasn't been any gun to your head to be her friend all this time so I think those sorts of comments are unpleasant and uncalled for.

Artytarty

Yes, I have said that she has never told me she has MH problems.
I think that she just snapped yesterday, years of building resentment towards me coupled with the undoubted stress of her own personal life just pushed her over the edge.
I'll be going round later on today, she wouldnt be up and dressed yet.

Nicki

I think londonsurrey and lillibet's posts hit the nail on the head.

OP it is up to you to decide whether you feel able to continue to support your mentally ill friend. I imagine it's not as completely thankless as you have been portraying however if you have been doing it for 35 years, even if the only reward is your own self esteem and pride in yourself for doing something which others have not been prepared to do

Her emails should be restored however, particularly if she isn't computer literate and not able to do this herself. It's distressing but maybe no big deal if they are just spam or old receipts in her inbox. But what if one of the emails was notifying her of a change of a therapy session? Or a supportive email from another friend or medical professional which she refers to again and again to help manage her depression, or an email pointing her in the right direction for support with her elderly unwell mother? Depriving her of access to emails such as these could be a more violent and long term damaging action than her pushing you in a fit of anger, and is certainly more unkind and blameworthy in my opinion, because you presumably are in a more rational frame of mind and therefore in better control of your actions than your friend.

elvis86

Artytarty wrote: »

Yes, I have said that she has never told me she has MH problems.
I think that she just snapped yesterday, years of building resentment towards me coupled with the undoubted stress of her own personal life just pushed her over the edge.
I'll be going round later on today, she wouldnt be up and dressed yet.

Don't forget your shinpads! And try to resist the temptation to pull the head off her Barbie if she flips.;)

I just hope it isn't too late and that she didn't go home and do something stupid because you deleted her emails...:(

Artytarty

True, thats why I am going to try and put right my part in it today.
You make some good points but thankfully it is very unlikely she would have online support/appointment systems as she only access a library computer on a sporadic basis.
She is not short of money and my husband has more than once offered to help her choose and to set up a home system for her.
cross psot, she wont even know they have gone yet.
I was pretty calm with her yesterday, its only when she left that the child in me saw a sneaky chance to hurt her back.It was all over in the time it takes to make two clicks on a mousepad. However I now realise it might be worse for her ohyerwise I would take no action .
I wont be losing the rag today!

adouglasmhor

lilibet1 wrote: »

well you could go and see her today and tell her what you did and then offer to rectify it by putting the emails back into the in/out box from the trash folder?
This way, she hasnt lost her emails that might be very important to her and you have rectified what you know was a silly thing to do. She in turn can properly apologise and realise what she did was wrong and hopefully you can both move forward....

What do you think? Do you see that as a solution?

x

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Seriously I would not go down that road. She will just take that as another confirmation of isolation and betrayal and however she reacts it will not be positive.