Oh no done something awful, now scared.

Wickedkitten

No

the_cat wrote: »

Well she can't prove that you deleted her emails. She signed into her account and left it open on your laptop no foul there. It would I think be viewed in very much the same way as giving your PIN number to someone and then complaining that they took your money. She hasn't a leg to stand on and the police would laugh her out of the station if she tried to take it further imo.

As to the friendship side of things, if it is very much out of character I might think that maybe she is under some sort of stress etc and just snapped. Of course she may just always be like this when she doesn't get her own way. Over a period of 35 years you will already have enough experience to know which it is!!

No, there most definitely is a foul there because the OP knew that she had signed in her laptop and deleted her emails which was extremely petty.

She might not have hacked into it per se, but it would still be malicious because she knew that her friend was logged in and those emails didn't delete themselves.

belfastgirl23

I'm not much of a one for lying but in this case I would point blank deny any knowledge if she challenged you on it - if she's this unstable then you can't risk telling her the truth.

Have you told her mother what happened? She sounds like she is a risk to others at the minute and may be a risk to herself. You're absolutely right to distance yourself from her but I would also want to be sure that others are aware of how she has behaved since this does sound like a significant deterioration in her mental health.

meritaten

Artytarty - it was wrong of you - but it wasnt a great wrong! it was petty, thats all! Don't beat yourself up about - it was done in the heat of themoment and if the silly woman hadnt left the laptop logged in you COULDNT have done it!
far more worrying is the violence - there was no call for it was there? I would avoid her like the plague from now on - she may be slightly unhinged!
Oh and I too dont usually advocate lying - but I have lost emails by aol helpfully emptying my inbox before I had opened them! so just deny, deny, deny!

pimento

She should have logged out and she shouldn't have assaulted you. I wouldn't worry about it.

Artytarty

I dont think her Mum knows and I dont want to worry her/ or go round/ or stir up a hornets nest.
Hopefully in a while we can just pass in the street and merely say hello.
I doubt she is a serious risk to herself or others and Im not malicious enough to just try and cause trouble.

ruby-roo_2

Sounds like you have had a full on day OP. What's done is done regarding the deleted emails, I dont condone it, but also dont think you should beat yourself up over it. Your friend cant prove it was you who did this and the police most certainly wont come out and speak to you about it. Their time and resources are to stretched to be able to look into something so unserious.

Personally I would be more concerned about your friends actions. I dont have a full knowledge of people who suffer with MH issues. To verbally and physically lash out at someone is not appropriate and would understandably upset the other person involved.

I realise this may be asking alot of you right now, but as this person is/was your friend, would it be worth trying to contact her mum or any siblings or even those assigned to help her? Explain to them what has happened today and that you are worried for her stability. There may be underlying problems going on which she desperately needs help with.

Even if a friend of mine had done to me, what yours has done to you today, I could not rest and feel alright till I knew they were okay.

*max*

Well, I can understand not telling her if she's so unstable. Safety first.

However, I'm not inclined to underestimate your wrong-doing there, as in "it's only emails, don't beat yourself up about it"...I know if someone did this to me, I would be absolutely FUMING! And if I had done what you did, I still would definitely feel extremely guilty, I would be mortified with myself, regardless of the circumstances.

So, yes, what you did was VERY wrong, and you should feel bad about it. But as for telling her...don't. It's the cowardly way, but it's also the safest way since she's prone to violence. What a murky situation...

Artytarty

She has no siblngs or partner.I think only her GP helps her medically.
Yup Max, still feel bad but begining to think "who would come to court with the dirtier hands?" Assault or email deletion?
I'm opting for the cowards way out here, deny , deny, deny.
She has never told me she has MH issues but it its pretty clear to everyone who has met her.
Hopefully I , at least, will learn to hold back my initial reactions till common sense kicks in.

ruby-roo_2

I notice that you advise you live in close proximity to one another. So it may be that you attend the same doctors surgery. It might be worth trying to have a word with the community nurse linked to the surgery. You dont need to mention your friend by name but explain to her what happened and take her advice.

This is not to try and get your friend into any kind of trouble. I am a little concerned that you mention that your friend is the carer for her elderly mother. This old lady may be more fragile and not as stable on her feet as you are. If your friend were to lose it and lash out at her there could be far reaching consequences. Maybe the effort and struggle to care for her mum by herself is getting to much. What you witnessed today seems reminiscent of someone who has reached breaking point over something to me.

I dont think your friend was justifiable in anything she said or did to you today. However you have known each other for 35 years, and I would hope you could be the bigger person here and look out for her, though to do this from a distance would be understandable considering todays events.

londonsurrey

It sounds that on top of her MH issues, she's fairly isolated socially, hence the resentment about not being taken out to lunch, etc. Where a "normal" person would not have noted it, someone with lots of time on their hands and is isolated will tend to ruminate more on that kind of thing, as it will probably be one of the highlights of their month/year.

Only you can make the call as to whether you continue this relationship, and as to the extent of any future relationship. On a basic level, I'd try to ensure that she was taking her meds. A person with MH issues who is not taking their meds would not necessarily notice that it makes a difference, and simply think that people are being very unreasonable and awful to her.