15 year old son trading goods at cex

thegirlintheattic

I doubt you'll recover the games, as I'm sure CEX will turn around and say they acted in good faith.

I personally would go to the police and give him the shock of his life - otherwise he'll likely do it again.

You also need to really get to the bottom of why he needed the money.

victory

louhel wrote: »

He is grounded for a minimum of a month, has had his phone and ipod removed (im selling the latter to replace the games) and I wont hesitate to go to the police.



I just feel so let down by him :0(

I can imagine you are raging and feel let down as you say and what he has done is inexcusable but would it not be a better idea to wait and see what the exact explanation is before you sell his ipod, which I would say he is very partial to and not only that he would have lots of contacts/songs/apps/yout tube bits/films/videos on and to sell it would loose him everything.

I know, I know, you think he deserves it and that is the least of your worries what he has or has not on his ipod but I just know my son has so very much on his to sell it and loose all the information would devastate him.

If it is scratchards, if he has an addiction to them you need outside help.

DylanO

victory wrote: »

I can imagine you are raging and feel let down as you say and what he has done is inexcusable but would it not be a better idea to wait and see what the exact explanation is before you sell his ipod, which I would say he is very partial to and not only that he would have lots of contacts/songs/apps/yout tube bits/films/videos on and to sell it would loose him everything.

I know, I know, you think he deserves it and that is the least of your worries what he has or has not on his ipod but I just know my son has so very much on his to sell it and loose all the information would devastate him.

If it is scratchards, if he has an addiction to them you need outside help.

The information would be kept on the computer used to back-up the iPod, but quite apart from that he should lose things he values. He had no qualms about stealing from his own brothers. I wouldn't like to speculate what he's stolen from others, because this sort of thing never starts with this level of fraud.

Louhel, I think you're absolutely right grounding him for (at least a month) and selling his iPod to pay for the replacement games, but I think you should go further. He should lose all his privileges for the entire period that he is grounded.

I also feel that you need to drag him down to his GP and have him booked in for counselling to get to the root of the issue. If you don't come down hard on him and show him that there are serious consequences for his actions, then you'll end up with a 35-year-old son in prison.

daska

How do you know he had no qualms, just because he's not communicating a reason doesn't mean that he doesn't feel anything. Conversely, I would expect someone with no qualms to be quite clear as to why they'd done it. There's something more, whether it's the scratch cards or something else, which is what needs to be ascertained and addressed.

DylanO

daska wrote: »

How do you know he had no qualms, just because he's not communicating a reason doesn't mean that he doesn't feel anything. Conversely, I would expect someone with no qualms to be quite clear as to why they'd done it. There's something more, whether it's the scratch cards or something else, which is what needs to be ascertained and addressed.

Very possibly, but that doesn't mean he should get an easier punishment. He did the wrong thing, even the wrong thing done for the right reasons is still the wrong thing.

He needs to learn that when you do the wrong thing you are punished.

louhel

Thanks for all the advice/comments.

I have been to the store and they wont tell me anything due to data protection. I have to go through their loss adjustment officer, have contact details for him.

The ipod is locked away, dont know if I could actually go through selling it.

It was a heated exchange this morning and hes at school so it may well give us a chance to both calm down. Ive asked him what he spends the money on and he says he just wastes it on rubbish.

Re the scratchcards, when we found out he was buying them (whilst in school uniform) we reported the shop that was selling him them.

He gets pretty much what he wants, maybe thats the problem. He gets a lot of one to one time with his dad and quite a bit with me though we both work and obviously have the other kids.

I dont know, guess I will just have to see what tonight brings when he comes in.

The police are now aware as cex would only give me information if they were involved, however, the police officer was lovely and said he would do all he could to help. He said we could press charges if we wanted to but maybe a telling off and going through the motions may be enough. I said I would speak to his dad tonight and see where we wanted to go with that.

I know hes done totally the wrong thing but I dont want him to have a criminal record because of it. I think knowing the trust has gone and the fact his brothers dont want anything to do with him aswell as the punishments, well im hoping that will be enough.

Thanks again.

tea_lover

victory wrote: »

I can imagine you are raging and feel let down as you say and what he has done is inexcusable but would it not be a better idea to wait and see what the exact explanation is before you sell his ipod, which I would say he is very partial to and not only that he would have lots of contacts/songs/apps/yout tube bits/films/videos on and to sell it would loose him everything.

I know, I know, you think he deserves it and that is the least of your worries what he has or has not on his ipod but I just know my son has so very much on his to sell it and loose all the information would devastate him.

If it is scratchards, if he has an addiction to them you need outside help.

victory - many of your previous threads have shown the consequences of letting children get off without suitable punishment.

eeeeeee

good luck louhel , its never easy dealing with teenagers at the best of times; try not too make your home a battlefield this weekend !

Seanymph

My stepson thieved and was caught several times - sometimes with quite major consequences for other people.

He has now stopped (I'm fairly sure )

He repeatedly said it was 'easy' and therefore he took things.

It wasn't sinister, he didn't need extra counselling, he wasn't addicted to anything. He fancied pizza hut instead of Greggs, or to by presents for his family for their birthday's without having to save his pocket money.......... nice things from school dinners not his sandwiches.

We aren't talking major money here - and I'll bet that in this case he could fritter away what he got for a few games within a couple of days without anthing noticeable entering the house, or a drug habit.

I can't tell you how we stopped it though. I was honest about how it hurt, rather than angry. I think that helped. And we stopped giving him things.

Bizarrely the fact that 'he wants for nothing' works against you (well it did us) - he assumed 'easy come easy go', that we 'were loaded' and that as we 'flashed so much about' we 'wouldn't miss' what he took.

Giving them too much develops the sense of entitlement that fosters taking what you want and not thinking of the consequences to others. We were guilty of that, I wonder if you have done that with your child too?

Having less (or being perceived to have less) gives things more value.

Also teenagers don't have a 'consequence chip' that is fully developed yet - their brains are going through all sorts of reorganisation, and you can't expect them to NOT act rashly. They are designed to do exactly that.

We punished, grounded, took away privileges, reasoned, yelled. But like I say, showing the hurt helped, as did making him work for everything, so he was not given things.

I am not saying what he did was ok - I still trust my SS as far as I could thrown him, and check receipts, his bank account etc etc - and he has to put up with that, because he knows he has to re-earn trust - but what I am saying is it doesn't make him have huge 'underlying issues' that everyone is looking for.

He did something and got away with it, did it again and got away with it - so kept doing it, and it kept getting bigger........ to him it made sense.

daska

DylanO wrote: »

Very possibly, but that doesn't mean he should get an easier punishment. He did the wrong thing, even the wrong thing done for the right reasons is still the wrong thing.

He needs to learn that when you do the wrong thing you are punished.

Where did I suggest that there shouldn't be an appropriate punishment? I just pointed out that deciding he had no qualms was making a huge assumption.

I am of course making the huge assumption that he's a normal teenage boy but maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's a psychopath and sails through life completely untroubled whilst violating the rights of others?