15 year old son trading goods at cex

Youdontseeme

While it does little to help your situation at all I was so glad to find out this thread wasnt a "15 year old son trading goods for sex" as I first thought after misreading the title.

Gigervamp

If you haven't already, it might be an idea to ring the bank and cancel his card, just in case he's memorised the number.

duchy

daska wrote: »

Where did I suggest that there shouldn't be an appropriate punishment? I just pointed out that deciding he had no qualms was making a huge assumption.

I am of course making the huge assumption that he's a normal teenage boy but maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's a psychopath and sails through life completely untroubled whilst violating the rights of others?

You didn't but Victory did. I think losing the I-pod is entirely appropriate . He deprived his brother-now HE is deprived -seems like justice.
At this age it may "just" be teenage the world revolves for my benefit stupidity rather than anything deeper but I too would be devestated that stealing would even be an option for a child of mine-especially from family and furious too.
<stops to give louhel a hug>

I think you do need to be calm by the time he gets home -icy calmness may very well scare him more than Mum shouting anyway. I'd be marching him down to the shop to close the account this afternoon and obtaining a list of ALL transactions on the account so you know exactly what the extent of the damage is.

Even if you decide to not go further with the police (they'd probably only caution him anyway) maybe they'd be willing to give him a tour of the cells followed by a massive bollocking ? Might make him realize actions have consequences.

I think a month's grounding with lots of extra chores is enough of a punishment as he's also lost the I-pod -and I'd definitely make it clear how upset and disappointed you are that he's let you down rather than pure rage is the way to hammer the message home (IMO of course) and that way if there *is* something else causing this it's easier to tell disappointed Mum rather than furious Mum (not that your first reaction was wrong -I'd have hit the roof too). Just make sure you and your husband show him a united front and agree on the punishment at least in front of the kids.

You WILL get past this but I am sure it feels like the end of the world at the moment .

Hang on in there -we're all rooting for you !

YoungBaker

I totally agree that what he has done is seriously wrong and think, from reading your latest post, the course of action and punishment you are taking is spot on.

However I think some of the posts on this thread are ridiculous. Yes you definitely need to find out what your son is buying as he is using the money for something, but as you say it really could be anything o r he could just be squandering it. If it's scratchcards I doubt he has a 'problem' he probably is just got into the swing of the winning feeling etc and has kept going...

All this about 'get him straight to the GP for counselling to find out the root of the cause' and all this is blimming over the top. The problem with many parents these days is they think anything and everything that arises needs to be addressed by running to a counsellor. Fair enough, if 6 months down the line hes done it again or hes stealing more seriously and in a serious rut for gambling/drugs or whatever then fine yes - but at the moment he is a hormonal, stroppy teenager who has no realisation for concern of anyone but himself and has sold his brothers short for his own gratification. He needs stern punishment and parenting - which you are clearly doing - not a trip to the local GP.

duchy

I think the advice was well meaning and might be useful later if normal parenting doesn't work but yes a bit sledgehammer to crack a nut *at this point*.

louhel

Thats the thing, I am more disappointed in him than angry now.

He has been grounded, lost the ipod (whether it gets sold or not he doesnt have to know at the minute what we have done with it), lost his phone and use of laptop/games consoles for at least the month.

He has also lost out on playing football for his saturday team though I will let him keep the Sunday games (if I take everything he doesnt have anything to aim for).

He is also still to do his refereeing for mini soccer as this will earn him money with which he can pay back for the things he has taken.

I have had a brief chat with his dad and we both thinking having a chat with the police would do him no harm, hopefully they will give him a telling off.

I have emailed the protection manager and await a response so until then we dont know exactly how much has been taken. At a rough guess its approx 6 or 7 games.

He knew this morning how disappointed I was in him, I just hope it sinks in.

Humphrey10

duchy wrote: »

I think losing the I-pod is entirely appropriate .

Depends on the value of the games stolen, and the model of iPod. A 64GB iPod Touch costs £329. If he took two £20 games then selling a £329 seems OTT. But there are more expensive games, and cheaper iPods. So it depends.

RAS

I think you need to be very careful about dealing with the police.

Spending a bit of time in a cell and then being interviewed and boolocked is a good thing.

Be careful that he does not get a verbal warning. This will show up as a police record if he has a CRB check for work or volunteering and he will have to declare it for a long time. A caution is even more serious.

For a lot of volunteer posts and jobs enhanced CRB checks are done and these can show up for decades.

louhel

I have made it clear I dont want to press charges and the police officer agreed, he offered to give him a talking to if that would help. He would even come out to the house to do it.

They arent going to do anything without us contacting them first.

duchy

Humphrey10 wrote: »

Depends on the value of the games stolen, and the model of iPod. A 64GB iPod Touch costs £329. If he took two £20 games then selling a £329 seems OTT. But there are more expensive games, and cheaper iPods. So it depends.

Noooo -it has nothing to do with the money value -it has to do with him losing something he values as he deprived his brother of something he valued.

It's a Mum thing not an accountancy exercise in balancing a financial transaction