Daydream thread continues.....

lostinrates

Ctc, ime, it depends not so much on me and parents, more the partner involved. My dh is not afraid to step in diffuse, call time or pull rank. It has almost never got that far when we lived there.

My parent and i locked horns one day last week when dh was not here. It was difficult because we both behaved to stereotype imo, including afterward, me apologising, they accpeting apology but not accpting part in situation, then dh stepped in and explained that i did not need them to say sorry, but they DiD need to accept that a particular action was not condusive to harmony or to, in other situations, a buisiness exchange here. That was accepted and dh created a situation where parent could agree that it was wrong without losing face and i felt ok about it. Its very difficult not to play the teen at times, but mainly boundaries established things go ok. Patience is important. Dh and io reckon having parent is a little bit like having a teen about.

Lotus-eater

CTC, that is a major compromise, Mmmm, difficult.

You could look at the benefits, if you want to go away, you will already have someone on site to look after the place and animals. I find that difficult enough, just with chickens and cats.
The work load is divided, this might not mean worth much atm, but if your work takes off again, you could be glad of the help of 2 people with lots of time on their hands.

I think sensibly, it would be a good idea to have a big sit down and talk, before you went ANY further, discuss boundaries and your concerns. I would rehearse your words first, as I know my Mum would be prickly to any suggestion she might be being too nosy or intrusive.

But it will be both your houses, not just yours, with your Mum and SD living there. You have to look at it from both sides.

If you don't want to go through with it, you should decide sooner than later. They are probably getting all excited about it.

On the plus side. I know my Mum, while prickly (understatement) would understand my worries about having separate lives while living on the same property.

Alexelisey

I've just had a long talk with DH. We're almost in a position now where we can sell, and go looking with cash in hand. I know his heart is in the country, as is mine, but any smallholding I would likely have to run by myself at worst case scenario, and with younger son's help at best. DH isn't physically able to do things like plough fields or, sometimes, even drive. Leaving the suburbs may help him, as I think some of his arthritis problems are state-of-mind related, but I have to be a pessimist about it and not decide to take on more than I can cope with by myself. In the meantime, I have large quantities of stuff which I need to sell/get rid of/organise better, so we'll be able to show the house off to its best advantage when we go on the market. We won't take out another mortgage though, that's a step too far.

My mum and (step) dad are 1 1/2 hours away from us here and I know I'll see less of them once we move, that's one of the compromises I'm prepared to make. I currently see them about five times a year but speak to them at least once a week by phone. They run a sixth of an acre garden between them (veg plot and specialist ornamentals) and are still very active so they're not ready to be dependent on anyone else yet but it's a possibility for the future.

CTC, IMO everyone would need their own space, in which their rules go and not someone else's. Only you can know for certain whether you would be able to keep them from "interfering" in things, whether it was well-meaning or not. I like to think we would be able to compromise a little so everyone was happy, based on our different personalities, but it isn't the same for everyone. It's a hell of a big step! Make sure you look at every side of things, do a spreadsheet of pros and cons - you may already have done. But don't walk into it with either blinkers or rose-tinted specs on. It could be the answer for you, or it could be the complete opposite.

rhiwfield

Heavy rain atm and about 2" forecast for today.

Not good news for those tourism businesses relying on a bank holiday boost to sales.

So its inside work today. Will train the GH toms to arch under the GH roof to prolong fruiting. And parcel up the sold bits and pieces to those ebayers who actually bid (compared to the legions of watchers who sat on their hands!). Got 21 watchers on one item finishing today, lets hope its raining where they live and they turn to Ebay

And looking at the listings of one daydreamer, I'm struck by the beauty of the photographs, glass and ceramics set against a backdrop of stunning scenery. Works of art!

COOLTRIKERCHICK

Piddling it dow nere too Rhiwie...

If you got the time, I totally agree good pictures, and the item well dressed so to speak will add value to your item, I have a lady who buys linen off me, and she has taken some vintage quilts etc to sell and we split the money, and she takes lovely pics of the items, and allways get good prices for her stuff...

was going to try and list things this weekend, but as usual things have gone adrift.... Going to look at more caravans in carmarthen today.....

I am All caravan'd out..

Thanks for all your comments on my parents.... I did start telling them some do's and dont's etc and They stormed off and mum agreed it wasnt going to work. Then step father slowly, slowly started to ask hubby to find out what was happening.

Step father isnt well, very bad back, crumbling discs, trapped nerves etc, and can only walk now with a stick etc... so I think there could also be another reason why they want to live with us other than the cost of living etc:o

I feel terrible for saying this, but I have no patience when it comes to ill people, family included ( hubby gets no sympathy from me when he gets 'man flu':rotfl:) and I am afraid that we are going to get lumbared with things.... I know I must sound a horrible person....

Agree with Davesnave... I feel as though in all honesty we should have a smallholding in our 30's to make the most of it, with energy levels etc...But at least when things are more or less cleared and done etc, its only a few acres.

Right better get the rabble from their pits....

Davesnave

COOLTRIKERCHICK wrote: »

I feel terrible for saying this, but I have no patience when it comes to ill people, family included ) and I am afraid that we are going to get lumbared with things.... I know I must sound a horrible person....

Agree with Davesnave... I feel as though in all honesty we should have a smallholding in our 30's to make the most of it, with energy levels etc...But at least when things are more or less cleared and done etc, its only a few acres....

Not sure that I meant folk should have smallholdings as soon as that, though the sooner the better, and certainly before my age if at all possible.

After all, I'm 18months from being an OAP!!:eek:

I know all about being trapped by elderly relatives though, as it was my Dad living to such a great age and wanting his independence, which impacted on mine.

I tried desperately to find an affordable property to suit us all, and almost succeeded a couple of times, but it wasn't meant to be. From this great vantage point of hindsight, I can see that might not have been such a bad thing after all!

Back in those far-off, naive days I also talked about dividing & sharing a large property with the Outlaws, but I learned that it would never happen, because I can be 'difficult.'

Anyway, since then, Mr Difficult has progressed. I'm Mr Impossible now! :rotfl:

Only you know your Mum, CTC, but for a multitude of reasons I think it would have been hard for us to have shared with parents from either side.

lostinrates

Rain, rain, rain.

Davesnave

Glad I'm back to normal, more or less, as it was the 'Big Breakfast' this morning, where most people have a slap-up bacon, egg, sausage, hog's pudding, tomato, mushroom, fried bread, n'beans breakfast in the village hall.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we have an egg-bound chicken. We've done just about everything we can for her now, even down to cornering a couple of vets at the BB above (;)!) so things may just have to take their course.

Right now she's in a covered cage, which is sitting on a plant propagator base set to max, so she's as relaxed and comfy as we can make her. Still eating & drinking, so there's hope.

EDIT: Not raining here.

alfie_1

no rain.....

hiya all. today i have a hangover which is a rarity for me !...wine and more wine last night, not good !:o

went trundling off to bootsale with my pennies this morning....not there ??:(

i cant function now...:rotfl: havent had my "booty fix" :rotfl:

CTC...my parents are lovely people but they have made us kids all promise we will not have either/both move in with any of us for whatever reason as they would never want to be in the position of souring our great relationship... they know we would all clash ...

IMO...its a bit like the old saying " a puppys not just for xmas"...
only you know as once its on the dotted line you are commited and if it did go pear shape you could lose your dream.... which could be a disaster if renovations done/half done which means thier input would not/could lose value ??
i did this place up on a shoestring..may not be perfect but its only me thats gotta live in it. for a resale you have to go the extra mile.. but if its a forever home for you then i suggest you dont think too big at the mo, merely liveable. live with walls and rooms as is , plenty of time to change things. i know some feel best to do all at start but needs must first in my book. theres always the offer of a "kitchen", "bathroom" bricks, wood etc as you go along. [well i do ] then you change something, improving what was...

i always compared living here at first, like being permenantly at a festival camping...:rotfl: didnt kill us, we got to know what we wanted to do and slowly did it..

right i am going to walk the dogs down the lane to try and clear my head....;) :rotfl::rotfl:

rhiwfield

Alf, you've got a bid on your bookcase, now you can buy the chapel!:beer: