I Don't feel like I Can go ahead...

SandraScarlett

Oh you poor darling, I feel so much for you, buy I reckon the only woman who can swear, hand on heart, that she's never had MIL trouble is Eve!

I wonder if MIL realises how her actions are affecting you? I'd suggest writing a letter, but, God forbid you put a comma in the wrong place, that could be misconstrued.

I'm not surprised that your OH won't say anything against his Mum, because so many men are weak when it comes to the bottom line, and just yearn for peace and harmony, like you do!

How about, as others have suggested, asking them round, but say it's because you need her advice. First of all, hold out an olive branch, and let your FIL wear the same suit. It's an "ask", but not too big an ask, and it shows you're offering ground.

Then say that everything is getting on top of you, and you're worried that the place is going to look crowded etc etc if more people are there, and you don't feel confident amongst strangers. If MIL says "am I not to have any of my friends there", suggest a maximum figure of 4, 14, 144, whatever, and then ask if the others could, perhaps, just come to the evening?

Stress how grateful you are that they are gifting the reception, but you've got to have a line drawn somewhere on numbers. My MIL wanted to dictate every aspect and poo-pooed all my ideas, but I just nailed a smile on my face, didn't defend my plans, and then kicked a wall later.;)

But please don't think about throwing the towel in, just because of this selfish person. Having said that, I will confess that I threw my engagement ring back, 2 weeks before the wedding ....... but 44 years later, we're still together!

xx

MentalMinnie

Thank you everyone! I do love him, that's never been the issue. I think the reason why we're getting married has been lost beneath all the material stuff. I think she's using the wedding to show off that her son is getting married, therefore pushing for all the guests and her friends.

Her overbaring attitud has been getting worse over the last few months, as the wedding gets closer.

Whats really irked me though is that he told me that as she was paying she could invite whomever she wants, yet there are 2 people that I used work with that i'm not allowed to invite. He won't let me.

Ultimately, I wil go through with the wedding, we can't afford to lose out money wise, and a lot of people have booked flights and hotels, but i'll feel that my special day has lost its sparkle.

74jax

MentalMinnie wrote: »

.

Whats really irked me though is that he told me that as she was paying she could invite whomever she wants, yet there are 2 people that I used work with that i'm not allowed to invite. He won't let me.

Ultimately, I wil go through with the wedding, we can't afford to lose out money wise, and a lot of people have booked flights and hotels, but i'll feel that my special day has lost its sparkle.

Who is he, your OH?

You don't go through with a wedding because you will loose the deposits.

MentalMinnie

74jax wrote: »

Who is he, your OH?

Yeah...ironic really

Mojisola

Was MIL like this about other things before the wedding planning started?

Has your intended husband ever stood up for you and disagreed with his mother?

MentalMinnie

Mojisola wrote: »

Was MIL like this about other things before the wedding planning started?

Has your intended husband ever stood up for you and disagreed with his mother?

No, I actually liked her before all this. I think he might have backed my up once, over the chocolate fountain issue. She looked really hurt, then a week later he decided that maybe we 'couldn't afford' the fountain after all. Not a coincidence...

sugarwalsh

It is, in my opinino, dangerous ground to ask a man to 'choose' between you and his mum. Decide what is most important to you - a chocolate fountain or you OH. If you decide you want a man who will back you up at all costs that is fine, he isn't your man. If you decide you can learn to cope with your MIL then just let the wedding run it's course and don't focus on the things she wants to influence.
I'm not going to tell you to leave him because he wont back you up - he is in an impossible situation and probably just wants some peace. However I am not going to say stay with him if you are unhappy.
Only you can know how you really feel. Forget about his Mum, forget about the money and really, really question how you feel about him.
Megan

renegade

I hope you think very carefully about marrying this man.

My ex put his friends and his job before me and the children, god forbid that I criticised any of his friends, he had no loyalty towards me and his children, we were at the bottom of the pile.

I would be worried about any man that put his Mother wishes before that of his wife,you will probably have to put up this forever. he will not change now or in the future he is just Mummy's little boy, she will not let you take him away from her.

Good luck love, you will need it.

Mojisola

MentalMinnie wrote: »

No, I actually liked her before all this. I think he might have backed my up once, over the chocolate fountain issue. She looked really hurt, then a week later he decided that maybe we 'couldn't afford' the fountain after all. Not a coincidence...

You've got to decide whether you can live with this.

He will be in a difficult position if he's forced to take sides - but hasn't he already done that by choosing to marry you? If he wants to be your partner but still favours his Mum over you, he's not ready to be a husband.

74jax

MentalMinnie wrote: »

No, I actually liked her before all this. I think he might have backed my up once, over the chocolate fountain issue. She looked really hurt, then a week later he decided that maybe we 'couldn't afford' the fountain after all. Not a coincidence...

But you are having one aren't you? Does he control All money?