I Don't feel like I Can go ahead...

neneromanova

Awww hun, i really feel for you. she sounds likea real dragon. How old are you both if you don't mind me asking?

I think you need to sit down with your OH and give him ultimatums. Stop listening to his mum, grow a pair and man up, or it's off/over.

FutureCooper

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I just feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle. And the thing that worries me is that she'll be like this permanantly. What's she going to be like when we have children? Do I really want to have a 3rd person in my marriage?

My heart does go out to you. Families are a nightmare. Yes she will always be a part of your lives but, if and only if, you both stand together and politley put it as you want it now you could nip it in the bud. IMO i would rather offend her a little now so i could make a stand for the future and let her see that you are your own boss and that marrying her son is more important than her friends attending your party!!

Has she seen you upset about it? Have you spoke to her about your anxiety? This may be the time you have to make a stand. Think about what the worst outcome could be . . . . .
x

MentalMinnie

I'm 28 and he's 29. He just won't tell her to back off. Eventually it'll all get too much and i'll blow up at her. Then I'll be the bad guy for upsetting her. She recently went on and on about my dad, prying into our relationship etc. My OH could see I was uncomfortable about it, but said/did nothing.

fawny

Hi,

Can't offer any better advice than the others have, but didn't want to just read & run. Sending you ((Hugs))

neneromanova

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I'm 28 and he's 29. He just won't tell her to back off. Eventually it'll all get too much and i'll blow up at her. Then I'll be the bad guy for upsetting her. She recently went on and on about my dad, prying into our relationship etc. My OH could see I was uncomfortable about it, but said/did nothing.

Is that really the kind of man that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who puts their mum ahead of you? Just think of the way she will rule your life when you have kids. "oh, why are you doing it like that? You shouldn't be doing this, you should do it this way, Why is my grandchild wearing this ugly outfit, i would never put him in that!"

MentalMinnie

neneromanova wrote: »

Is that really the kind of man that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who puts their mum ahead of you? Just think of the way she will rule your life when you have kids. "oh, why are you doing it like that? You shouldn't be doing this, you should do it this way, Why is my grandchild wearing this ugly outfit, i would never put him in that!"

THIS! is exactly what i'm bothered about!

neneromanova

I would really think hard about it then. You're only 28 so there's still soooo much time for you to find the right guy

RainbowDrops

MentalMinnie wrote: »

THIS! is exactly what i'm bothered about!

Think back to why you said yes to marrying him.
You obviously love him despite his Mum for saying yes in the first place, so are you going to let his mum stop you from marrying the man you love?

74jax

Before you make any decisions, remember we can only comment on what we've been told so far. Please don't feel we are all for you throwing your relationship away.

How do you all get on day to day, with the wedding put to one side. On one hand she must love her son very much, does she help out in other ways - other than money.

Your OH shows a strong relationship with her, this can be wonderful, does she have a daughter? You could forge a relationship she doesn't already have.

You can only do this though if OH puts YOU before his mum. I think you've done remarkably well to put up with it for so long. Your OH needs to make decisions with you and stick to them. What did he say when you spoke with him after he backed down over the suits?

You've an uphill battle but he needs to be on your side.

double_mummy

*****hugs*****