Teenagers - try & steer them or just let them go?

thorsoak

olibrofiz wrote: »

lol.

Things gone ok so far this week. DD got the bus to w/e every morning without mishap, and PTL!!! actually seems to be realising money doesn't grow on trees - is fed up catching two buses (childcare apprenticeships two/three bus rides away not looking so attractive now )

The latest announcement was that she doesn't really want to move out & get a flat with her bf, they just want to be too-geva - can he move in with us instead? - I think I just said 'oh' and wandered off into the kitchen.

After meeting up with a friend today for a chat I actually feel slightly better, her DD is the same in many ways :cool:

You just said "oh!"????? What you should have said is no NO NO NO NO!!!

The idea with children is that you bring them up, teach them independence, and gently, gradually, you tip 'em out of the nest!! You don't encourage them to bring others in too!!!

Seriously, its not a step that I would recommend - your home would cease to be your home and would become their home ....with you just paying the bills! He has a home - an almost independent one, if I recall your first post - so he shouldn't be leaving that to come to you.

No - she has to learn that we can't always have what we want - and you're going to have to teach her that sad fact of life, I'm afraid.

olibrofiz

It was an observational 'oh' as in 'oh look, there's a robin on the fence' - he is NOT moving in

jellyhead

Although mine doesn't want to move out, he is insisting on taking A levels next year despite all of the school staff suggesting that he won't enjoy it. He had a 6th form 'interview' last week and was asked why he's in 'alternative curriculum' ... the answer he gave is that he's very disorganised, lazy and unmotivated!!

We always thought he'd go to college or even the agricultural college to learn animal care, because A levels certainly aren't going to be his cup of tea!

Anyway, we've decided to let him give it a go. Everyone knows he'll want to drop out before christmas, so we've talked about the alternatives if he decided A levels are not for him (and they won't be, because school will be VERY strict and he doesn't like academia/learning) and left the choice to him.

One year won't be the end of the world - if he does drop out of A levels he can do something else, but there's no telling him when he has made his mind up so he'll have to find out for himself.

Of course there's the possibility that he'll decide he wants to carry on with A levels and will suddenly start studying, revising, doing coursework etc. I hope so. Maybe your daughter will work really hard at whatever it is she chooses next.

Mine leaves dirty socks everywhere, but not underwear! I won't let anyone in his room if it's not tidy, so he cleans up if he's got plans for the next day. If he left mess in any other room and didn't sort it out when asked to we'd simply switch off his internet access, we're so harsh

bodmil

Blimey, she has been spoilt growing up, hasn't she? :rotfl:How is she finding work experience, is she keen to get into the work place and fund her own life in future? It could be a really good motivation for the future, but it's not now. Could she get a part time job around her course?

mountainofdebt

Well I posted on here last year how I'd gone to see Junior's teacher, without telling him, as his grades in one of his subjects was a bare pass, and how he wasn't talking to me.

I have to say that I'm so glad I did - I kept my word that every week I would phone the Head of the 6th form to make sure that he was doing what was expected of him and the transformation was amazing.

The bad news was he didn't get the grade he needed in one of his A levels (by a stupid 11 marks!) but the good news was that his second choice accepted him anyway - I just know that had I not got involved then there is no way would he'd be going.

What I have learnt about teenagers is that they are a pig headed lot - and sometimes when you say something can't be done they pull out all the stops to prove you wrong.

19lottie82

OP I smell a rat here somewhere - I'm sure you said her BFs parents owned a shared house where he lives (rent free?) so surely the obvious solution for him and her , if "they just want to be together" would be for her to move in with him? Why create extra unaffordable expense by renting a private flat or put up with parental nagging by him moving in to your place?

Do you think the BF wants to move out for some reason (bickering w parents?) and is planting ideas in to ur DHs head?

olibrofiz

Moving in with bf is not going to happen. He lives in one room of the house and shares kitchen etc, the other rooms are let to single people, mainly men. So for her safety, it's a no no, she appears to have accepted this.

She's enjoying w/e and says it's better than college. We shall see what happens...

olibrofiz

Well, all peaceful for now. Just wanted to update so I can look back on this - DD and her bf went to see an EA, who told them they wouldn't be able to rent unless they had an income of at least £18,000, so that squashed that idea. DD has continued to apply for apprenticeships, and had an interview for one but not heard back.

She enjoyed her w/ex, and with the weekly 'wage' I gave her, came to realise that money doesn't last long after bus fares, lunch & snax .... and that I'm not a cash machine to go to when she'd run out.

Her dad has talked to her and the 3 of us then sat down and talked about everything. I also talked to DD & her bf together & cleared up a few misconceptions - & explained why I didn't want her moving in to his 'room', & he agreed with me :cool:.

So, she has decided to go back to college for now, and her bf is welcome over whenever he can make it. They're all lovey dovey & he knows that contrary to what DD has told him, I actually like (what I know about) him.

....and it's so tidy the dog is having knicker withdrawal.....

So all quiet for now. Thank you for listening to my wailing, lots of helpful comments all

[Deleted User]

jellyhead wrote: »

Mine leaves dirty socks everywhere, but not underwear! I won't let anyone in his room if it's not tidy, so he cleans up if he's got plans for the next day. If he left mess in any other room and didn't sort it out when asked to we'd simply switch off his internet access, we're so harsh

Jellyhead, i really like your style! I'm wondering if that will work with my husband. I've been bedridden with flu for 2 days and went downstairs for a glass of water earlier to be met with an avalanche of toys/clothes and general clutter all over the surfaces and floor. Dirty plates etc in the kitchen, drainer still stacked from the washing up i did 2 days ago and a washing basket over flowing. Plus the kids posh clothes in a pile on their bedrooms floors from an outing yesterday. But i'm supposed to be grateful as i'm allowed to lay in bed to get better.

I suppose I ought to be as he's looked after the kids, but he is on holiday too, so helping around the house without being told what to do wouldn't hurt. His reply would be "I dont see it". We love each other to pieces but i drive him to distraction being organised, tidy, efficient and generally on top of things. He annoys me by being untidy, never sees what needs doing, starting something domestic and getting distracted and thinking he doing a great job as the kids are dressed and fed.

Did I mention he's on annual leave???:rotfl: Don't tell me to leave it and let him work it out, tried that and failed. He can live in a pigsty i can't. Its just one of those things i have to moan about to my mum/girlfriends but put up and shut up about or we'd always been rowing. In his defence he is a great dad, very hands on and great at DIY/fixing anything. But his timescales, organisation and tidiness are a lot to be desired!

Luckily for me, our daughter is showing already my traits (she asks to clean the windows the other day), but our son is not. He will learn before he marries................:D

Sorry OP i've hiacked your thread, but I have to go now as they've all just got back, peace is shattered!

jellyhead

Sorry Bailey I am more like your husband! But dirty washing goes in the bathroom and dirty cups and plates belong in the kitchen. Beyond that I'm a terrible housewife!