Teenagers - try & steer them or just let them go?

olibrofiz

Can you enlist your teenager in the armed forces without their consent what a shame there's no longer conscription.

17 year old DD has announced she want's to quit college, as you have to do assignments and stuff and it's too hard, and get an apprenticeship and a flat with her BF of 3 months.

Quite how she plans to do the latter 2 is a mystery to me. She's spoilt, a monster of the family's making *sigh*

I have pointed out the flaw in her plans (no money, no job, no flat deposit, BF also has no money, no job, no flat deposit) but she's having none of it. She's unconcerned CB will stop (she gets that) and maintenance will stop ('well I don't get that anyway') and is intent on going her way.

Her dad (ex-OH) and I, and his partner, are at a loss, even if he will be financially better off.

Anything else I can advise her of? Or do I just let her go out into the big wide world?

Just so tired of the stress of it all. And tbh just want to get in the car and drive away - lands end or john o' groats looks appealing..

19lottie82

When is she 18? At least if she does this now she won't be able to get in any debt and will hopefully learn a swift lesson about how the real world works. Let her get on with it and see how far she gets on £90 a week or however much an apprenticeship pays, IF she can find one that is, they are very hard to cone by these days.

daska

If it's what she really wants to do, and you can cope without the maintenance, why not put down the deposit for her and leave them to it? Nothing like doing 'life' for real to show you what side your bread's buttered.

cottonhead

All you can do is explain how hard it will be with no money and that there is no rush. Do the apprenticeship, start earning and then move out and live a better standard of living. Why live with no money - she probably under estimates what the bills will cost so perhaps explain that. I know I had no clue at that age just how much the cost of living was. Would be pretty misreable with no food / heating and no money to go out. Then if she doenst listen there is nothing you can do other than be there to support her when she moves back home !!

olibrofiz

The maintenance etc isn't the issue, well not if she moves out She's 18 next February, and would get £2.60 an hour on an apprenticeship. Just don't know whether to come down hard about college or just think f**k it, off you go. Soooo tired of the endless strops.

Have said she can't leave college till she has an apprenticeship, or job, in place. End of.

I realise that age, and experience, makes you more able to see the pitfalls. She cannot, or will not, see any sense in what I'm saying to her:(

olibrofiz

cottonhead wrote: »

All you can do is explain how hard it will be with no money and that there is no rush. Do the apprenticeship, start earning and then move out and live a better standard of living. Why live with no money - she probably under estimates what the bills will cost so perhaps explain that. I know I had no clue at that age just how much the cost of living was. Would be pretty misreable with no food / heating and no money to go out. Then if she doenst listen there is nothing you can do other than be there to support her when she moves back home !!

Done all that. Been through how much my bills are, and food etc, etc. Not had any impact.

I feel I must insist that she at least see's the year out on the course she's on. Wise?

faerie~spangles

She knows best after all she's had all these years to develop 'lifeskills'.

Get her to the family planning clinic for the implants.

And close the bank of mum and dad.

Let her know you love her and SHE is welcome to come home anytime, you will always be there for her emotionally not financially.

Making an adult lifestyle choice such as she is, brings a whole new set of responsibilities.

Mojisola

Until she's saved some money, she won't be able to rent a flat. Reality will have to hit her at some point.

elsien

Perhaps if she started to look into things for herself it might sink in a bit more. You telling her she can't afford it is mum nagging (in her eyes), whereas if she gets on the phone, makes some enquiries and gets told not a hope in hell by every local landlord then it suddenly becomes a lot more real.
That is presuming they definitely can't scrape together any sort of deposit or income?

MunniMuncha

Hi Oli, my ds went and stayed with his 'friends' (his terminology, not mine). I shed many tears when he went, he earns £60 pw and knew he wouldn't be able to afford it. I let him go, helped him move (he was staying there rent free but had to pay towards the gas and electricity). I gave him food everytime I saw him, and even put some money on the meters. I did not agree with him going, but like you we were all at the end of our tether and tbh had nothing left in me to fight him with.

The end result was that he was home within 4 weeks, they all argued and fell out - he came home and now no longer sees them - RESULT!!:j:j:j

I think sometimes you have to let them go because they soon realise that life at home isn't as bad as they think it is when they go out into the big wide world. Good luck - I have (and still am sometimes) been where you are now in terms of emotions, and so know how hard it is living with teenagers.

19lottie82

daska wrote: »

why not put down the deposit for her and leave them to it? .

Why on earth woul you do that? If she wants to attempt this plan, then let her but finance NONE of it, not a single penny!