Teenagers - try & steer them or just let them go?

jackyann

Tell her you'll be sad to see her go, and she is welcome back anytime. Work out what you can afford to give her as set-up, take away some of that as a "rainy day" fund that you don't tell her about, and offer the rest.
Take an interest in what apprenticeship she wants to do, ask about how much study it entails, how good is the teaching & support? If she knows you support her, it will be so much easier for her to back-pedal.
Keep the doors open.
I made a career choice that did not please my mum, we came to a compromise that kept the doors open to a return to study in case I changed my mind. I was right (spent nearly 40 years in the job). I actually think that I made some of the best choices in my life before I was 20!

balletshoes

olibrofiz wrote: »

Can you enlist your teenager in the armed forces without their consent what a shame there's no longer conscription.

17 year old DD has announced she want's to quit college, as you have to do assignments and stuff and it's too hard, and get an apprenticeship and a flat with her BF of 3 months.

Quite how she plans to do the latter 2 is a mystery to me. She's spoilt, a monster of the family's making *sigh*

I have pointed out the flaw in her plans (no money, no job, no flat deposit, BF also has no money, no job, no flat deposit) but she's having none of it. She's unconcerned CB will stop (she gets that) and maintenance will stop ('well I don't get that anyway') and is intent on going her way.

Her dad (ex-OH) and I, and his partner, are at a loss, even if he will be financially better off.

Anything else I can advise her of?
Or do I just let her go out into the big wide world?

Just so tired of the stress of it all. And tbh just want to get in the car and drive away - lands end or john o' groats looks appealing..

you let her go - and be happy for her (on the surface), so she has no doubt she has a supportive place to come back home to when she needs to.

olibrofiz

faerie~spangles - pill , bank will have to close, & yes, she'd be welcome back home

Mojisola - I know what she's like, she'll quit, not save anything and be lounging at home all day making a mess and moaning about having no money to see her BF

elsien - apparently you get 25% off your first rental, she's looked into it (head scratching icon!)

MunniMuncha - hard as it will be, I think I will have to let her go and make her own mistakes. She's very headstrong.

olibrofiz

jackyann - i guess her dad and i could put £££ together to give her a (returnable) deposit - she's already got her eye on various bits of furniture in my house!! We've talked about the apprenticeship, in a positive way. I also made a career choice at 22 that upset my parents but am still in it 20+ years later.

balletshoes - thing is, let her go now, or insist she finishes the college year, that's the quandry

MunniMuncha

olibrofiz wrote: »

faerie~spangles - pill , bank will have to close, & yes, she'd be welcome back home

Mojisola - I know what she's like, she'll quit, not save anything and be lounging at home all day making a mess and moaning about having no money to see her BF

elsien - apparently you get 25% off your first rental, she's looked into it (head scratching icon!)

MunniMuncha - hard as it will be, I think I will have to let her go and make her own mistakes. She's very headstrong.

That's what we did with our ds in the end. Didn't agree with it, but tried to support him (with food, gas and electric), but always let him know that he could come home at anytime. This resulted in him phoning us at 11pm one night to go and get him. We did and even though sometimes things are tough, he seems to have grown up since he wasn't living here and things are better than before he moved out.

balletshoes

olibrofiz wrote: »

balletshoes - thing is, let her go now, or insist she finishes the college year, that's the quandry

can you insist? you've said she's headstrong - so what are the consequences if you try to insist she finishes college, and she doesn't?

she can always go back to college later.

olibrofiz

I've already said this to her but she's on the verge of quitting - I think she's influenced by the friends she's made on the course who also want to quit. Apparently 'everyone' says it's rubbish and is going to leave.

If she decides at a later date that she wants to go back to college, she'll have to fund it won't she?

Sambucus_Nigra

olibrofiz wrote: »

jackyann - i guess her dad and i could put £££ together to give her a (returnable) deposit - she's already got her eye on various bits of furniture in my house!! We've talked about the apprenticeship, in a positive way. I also made a career choice at 22 that upset my parents but am still in it 20+ years later.

balletshoes - thing is, let her go now, or insist she finishes the college year, that's the quandry

Offer her the following:

quit college now = no deposit
Stay until the end = full deposit
Stay halfway = half deposit.

When you say she is having none of it - how does she think that rent, food, gas, electricity get paid with no income?

Sambucus_Nigra

olibrofiz wrote: »

Apparently 'everyone' says it's rubbish and is going to leave.

That's excellent - less competition when she leaves fully qualified.

saterkey

at 18 a lot of kids can go off and do their own thing at University, 18 seems to be the age where everything revolves finding your feet etc, probably a lot of it is having privacy time with boyfriend and they think this is the solution. I have a girl coming 16 not sure how the next two years will pan out. See if she can do a ins and outs using examples of all your bills, sit down and work out various options on paper, ie shared houses, renting, staying at home but having holidays away perhaps,deposits, bills, expenses, child benefit, job seekers, put it all in writing and give it to her to talk over with her boyfriend, does he have parents maybe you can all get together. Wishing you lots of luck.