Life when your kids are getting independent?

cjj_2

dandy-candy wrote: »

My kids are all in their teens now and dont need me like they used to - well they still need me to cook, wash up and drive them about!
I was a very cuddly hands-on mummy when they were younger, cuddles and kisses, reading stories to them, watching kiddy tv with them, playing lego on the floor etc. but now they have grown up and I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life now. I became a mum young (19) and so it has been my "career" and I loved every minute of it. I won't be having more kids, and I wouldn't want to go into childcare because tbh it wouldn't be the same with someone elses kids.
I started a course to give myself a new career and it's ok and good to make new friends, but I wouldn't say it's half as nice as being a mum! I can't wait for grandkids to arrive but realistically that is a long way off.
What do people do at this stage in life? I don't really know my purpose right now

Are you me lol. I feel the same. I had my first at 19 too. Was all I ever wanted out of life (sorry if that makes me sad) but nothing could have made me as happy as my 3 children. Never dreamed of a career, only being a mum. Now look forward to grandkids. I see my friend with her adorable little grandaughter and am a little envious even though my friend says its so tiring looking after her 3 days a week. Everyone is different I know but I feel lost at the moment too as all 3 children are now very independant. I feel redundant so I will read your replies with interest. Hope you find something to fill your life and make you happy x

Caroline_a

Be careful of 'looking forward to grandchildren'. How often do we hear of women being pressurised by their mothers and mothers in law to have children, when they might not want them, or might not be able to have them. What will be will be, and as someone else has said, they might end up at the other end of the country/world to you!

Now is the time to be you, to do the things you never had time/space/capacity to do before. Let your children live their lives. You've done your bit, you will always be there when they need it, but their lives, decisions and destiny is their own now! Make yours your own too!

Northern_Princess

dandy-candy wrote: »

My kids are all in their teens now and dont need me like they used to - well they still need me to cook, wash up and drive them about!
I was a very cuddly hands-on mummy when they were younger, cuddles and kisses, reading stories to them, watching kiddy tv with them, playing lego on the floor etc. but now they have grown up and I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life now. I became a mum young (19) and so it has been my "career" and I loved every minute of it. I won't be having more kids, and I wouldn't want to go into childcare because tbh it wouldn't be the same with someone elses kids.
I started a course to give myself a new career and it's ok and good to make new friends, but I wouldn't say it's half as nice as being a mum! I can't wait for grandkids to arrive but realistically that is a long way off.
What do people do at this stage in life? I don't really know my purpose right now

I was exactly the same until I found zumba classes, gardening, having the tv to myself, long baths without being disturbed, getting up late at the weekend and having time to meet up with my friends again :T I'm really enjoying this stage in my life and I must admit I'm happy to have "me" time again.

Dunroamin

sassyblue wrote: »

Where does the OP say she hadn't had either of those?

I think that the fact that she said " I became a mum young (19) and so it has been my "career" and I loved every minute of it." is a bit of a clue.

OP, is there something you've always wanted to do but never had the time? Maybe you could learn a new skill too or volunteer somewhere??

I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly) that the OP is still under 40, which means that she has 30 years of working life left. That's a lot of time to fill by volunteering or taking up macrame!

mgdavid

amazing that of the previous 25 posts only one mentions a husband - are you ALL single mums? If not, what does OH do, does he have interests that you can now join in with? It's supposed to be a sharing partnership isn't it? Or maybe he has wanted to start some new interest but didn't want to leave you out so waited?

Alikay

mgdavid wrote: »

amazing that of the previous 25 posts only one mentions a husband - are you ALL single mums? If not, what does OH do, does he have interests that you can now join in with? It's supposed to be a sharing partnership isn't it? Or maybe he has wanted to start some new interest but didn't want to leave you out so waited?

Having children didn't affect DH's working life whatsoever: He was in HM forces when we first married which required him to go on exercise, tours of duty and several residential courses. Since leaving the Army he's done a job which has required travel all over the world (he'll be away about 15 full weeks of this year, plus odd trips of a day or two). I have been our children's "primary caregiver" and them growing up has caused far more changes in my life than DH's. My improved availability and extra free time means he and I can go out more at weekends but his career has been, and continues to be the main drain on his time. And he loves it, so won't be easing off any time soon:(

onlyroz

sassyblue wrote: »

The OP never said she did.

Um are we reading the same thread?
"I don't really know my purpose right now"
"now they have grown up and I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life"

I am shocked that so many other people on this thread have expressed similar sentiments, and I question whether such people can claim to be a healthy role-model to their daughters.

Miss_Scrooge_2

onlyroz wrote: »

Um are we reading the same thread?
"I don't really know my purpose right now"
"now they have grown up and I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life"

I am shocked that so many other people on this thread have expressed similar sentiments, and I question whether such people can claim to be a healthy role-model to their daughters.

I agree with this.

My mother is like this too and she represents everything I don't want to be. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, but her life is so empty because she's just... a mum. :eek:

rozmister

onlyroz wrote: »

I also think it's sad that some women consider that having children is their only purpose in life.

I think it's sad that it's socially acceptable to believe your purpose is some career that makes you a wage slave for life but not socially acceptable to believe your purpose, for at least some of your life, is to be a mummy.

I have no kids yet (too young and single!) but I know that having a family is more important to me than a high flying career. I've nearly finished my degree and I don't plan to have kids straight out of uni but for me being a mother is more important than being in the boardroom or keeping my own identity.

My purpose in life, for me personally, is to have a family and children and then when my own children are big foster short term. I love children, I love spending time with them and it attracts me more than having my own career. I've never wanted to work in a nursery and so I pursued studying something else because I figure I will have plenty of time in my life to devote to children.

That doesn't make me any better or worse than someone who aims to be the CEO of a massive corporation one day it just means we have different values. For some people having your own strong identity is important and being a mother is one of many roles that makes up their identity, for others it is the most important role but of course they have other things. I don't see why one is better than the other; we're all different people made up in different ways.

OP I'd try a wee evening class just to get you out and doing something. When I left home my mum did all the things she couldn't do when she had kids (she had 3 of us spanning 3 decades so it had been a long time)! She started a part time course in gardening when I was a teen because she had always love that and when I left home she found a new found love for going on trips (not always expensive ones sometimes she goes camping with my stepdad), long baths, home improvements and buying all the things she didn't dare have when we were younger! She now has a lounge that is like something from Country Living and lots of crockery I am still not allowed to touch! As time goes by you'll find it easier and get into the rhythm without them.

Also if you want to spend just a little bit of time with kids volunteering at a children's centre is always appreciated. I volunteered at one over the summer because my niece lives far away and I didn't want to be an aunty who wasn't used to kids. I just went for one morning or afternoon a week to help with play and I loved it!

onlyroz

I have always maintained that it is possible to be a mum and to have a rewarding career (and I never said anything about CEOs or boardrooms - careers can be many things and don't have to be all-consuming to be worthwhile). It is not a choice between "mum" or "career".

For those of you who suggest that the OP sits around waiting for grandchildren well I am speechless.