Life when your kids are getting independent?

lady1964

My kids are all adults now, well youngest is 18 later this year and I was a SAHM until youngest was 7. I actually stayed at home for 14 years and for the most part, really enjoyed it.

I returned to the workplace part time initially doing something I had never done before and eventually went full time when youngest started secondary school. I found I had skills I didn't realise I had and although it wasn't always easy doing a full time job and running a home, I began teaching my kids life-skills to help prepare them for adult life and independent living, for whenever they wanted to move out - 2 did but have since returned home.

I have 7 years between eldest & youngest with one in between and found although there was a lot they didn't need me for, there was still a lot they did; helping with homework, taxi service, general advice, teaching them to cook etc. OH & I found we could become more of a 'couple' again and we began to go out on our own more often as the kids didn't need a babysitter.

I felt me having a full time job & other interests, it showed my kids that there is more to life than being a SAHM - absolutely nothing wrong with that at all but I needed a bit more as they needed me less and the days were very long when they were at school all day.

elantan

have to admit i agree with January ... i love being a mum , i have a great son ( 20 year old) and have a wonderful relationship with him ... but i trully enjoy my life as an individual, i enjoy seeing friends, spending time on my own, learning new things, growing as an individual , i enjoy not being defined ... i am very like my myres briggs personality lol

i am dreading the day my son has a child as well tbh because i know that it is highly unlikely that him and his partner will be able to afford child care so i may be expected to help out, my husband cant wait to be a grand dad so i know that he will jump at the chance to give up part of his time to spend time with his grand child . and i know that he will want me to put on hold some of the things i have planned to do

life is for living and enjoying , and whilst i enjoy spending time with my son , and he me, i enjoy much much more than just that

Dunroamin

dandy-candy wrote: »

I do have hobbies and other interests and I don't think of child rearing as my only purpose, but certainly nothing has given me as much joy as bringing up the kids.!

But, to be honest, if you had your first at 19 you haven't had much in the way of an education or career to compare it with, have you?

mammyof7

I can totally understand. We had 7 kids over 13 years and when the youngest one started full time school I was actually devastated!

However it actually was a turning point for me. Now after an access course and taking more GCSE,s , I'm now half way through my teaching degree at uni . I always had worked part time but the I think realising that my kids were getting more independent was the push I needed to change things.

I was actually a mum at 16 so a "proper" career is all new to me....and I can't wait!!

meeps

my mum wrote (or nabbed) a poem this made me think of..

I've always been somebody's something
Throughout the whole of my life
First I was somebody's daughter
And then I was somebody's wife
Now I am somebody's mother
I've always been somebody's friend
I hope I'll be someone or other
Before my life comes to an end...

sock-knitter

my sons left home last july, both within a week of each other and i was totally lost, after i became a single mum when the boys were little, i think i overcompensated for them only having one parent in their lives, and made myself available to them all the time, even as teenagers they still wanted to go everywhere i did, shopping etc, i am so glad they have found their own independance, and in time i have also found mine,
i do a lot of crafts and meet friends at craft groups, i do voluntary work for three different charities, that keeps me busy as well as meeting people.
and one day hopefully i am hoping to become employed once again, if anyone would employ me, due to disabilities, and lack of work experiance

victory

I remember a long time ago after a debate of how much time a child should take up, how much you should invest in them for the future, someone asked me ' are your children not your life'? and was most hurt and put out when I said no.

Sure I love them, I absolutely have been there for them throughout their lives but they have to go out to the big wide world and investigate it for themselves, leaving mum behind but hopefully mum has done a good enough job to steer them in the right direction.

Just the other day I thought how much of us we give to our children when the youngest said to me 'mum, can't wait to grow up, I am going to travel the world and move to australia' I thought after all I have sacrificed for you you are going to Australia:eek::rotfl::rotfl:

Keeping independent is the key, keeping busy, having interests that take you far and wide, books, hobbies, friends, travelling, studying, developing a hobby into a business, a craft, cooking, photography whatever is your passion, enjoy, be fulfilled and share with enthusiam all that you have achieved when the kids come back to visit;)

HB58

elantan wrote: »

i am dreading the day my son has a child as well tbh because i know that it is highly unlikely that him and his partner will be able to afford child care so i may be expected to help out, my husband cant wait to be a grand dad so i know that he will jump at the chance to give up part of his time to spend time with his grand child . and i know that he will want me to put on hold some of the things i have planned to do

Oh, I do empathise with this! Mr HB is now in his early 60s and longs for grandchildren before he is too old to enjoy them. When the day does come, I know that he will want nothing more than to spend time with them. The though hardly fills me with joy. I adore my son, now, but really don't like babies or children per se. Maybe I will feel different when it actually happens - but I don't expect so.

I console myself with the thought that our son doesn't show any signs of settling down yet and says that he never wants kids, but I also expect him to change his mind at some stage.

The funny thing is, though, that - having had to give up my career recently due to ill health - I do know how the OP feels, although for a different reason.

sassyblue

onlyroz wrote: »

I also think it's sad that some women consider that having children is their only purpose in life.

The OP never said she did.

Dunroamin wrote: »

But, to be honest, if you had your first at 19 you haven't had much in the way of an education or career to compare it with, have you?

Where does the OP say she hadn't had either of those?

OP, is there something you've always wanted to do but never had the time? Maybe you could learn a new skill too or volunteer somewhere??

I remember my son being a demanding toddler and me wishing to have just half hour to myself but when he's completely grown l'll feel empty too. :cool:

ariba10

You may look forward to Grandchildren. They are even better than your own.