Life when your kids are getting independent?

Alibat

I too can relate to the OP.

I've never considered myself particularly maternal but since my younger DD went off to uni a couple of years back I've been struggling to, as I put it, re-define myself. At the rate I'm going she'll be back home and I'll still be scratching my head about what to do with myself.

It's silly really, because on paper I should be fine. DH and I have our own business that keeps us both very busy, I have lots of interests that stretch me both mentally and physically, and I really enjoy the freedoms I now have. I'm even lucky enough to be becoming a granny next month when our elder DD is due to give birth, and even better she only lives a few minutes drive away, so I really should have it made but I still feel a bit lost.

I sometimes get a bit annoyed with myself as when my two were little I promised myself I would never become one of those women that didn't know what to do with themselves when their kids grew up but here I am anyway.

I miss the all consuming 'thing' that is being a mum to children young enough to need a hands on mum. I enjoy so much about my life now, but nothing comes close to replacing that feeling, and without it I don't feel quite complete. My logical side rolls its eyes and calls me a right idiot but we can't help our emotions can we?

System

tiff wrote: »

How old is your youngest now? Can you make a plan to go back to work so that you can become financially independent?

I actually went to college in my 30s with the view of getting some sort of career behind me. I struggled with college with a demanding Mother, hubby who worked away and kept ringing me at the drop of a hat (he kept forgetting i went to college on certain days/times and we had loads of rows about that). I then became pregnant with my youngest.

Determined not to give up i took up a couple of part time jobs but i hated it. Hated the people (such b!tchy women!). I just felt so out of place.

Then the more money i had, the more debt hubby commited himself to knowing he'd got my wages to fall back on.

Come to 50 years of age, i dont think ive got the confidence now. The thought of going to work scares me! Youngest is 16. In theory i should be earning my keep!

Person_one

Judi wrote: »

Ive always been a stay at home Mum. I had 5 kids so childcare wasnt really an option (and i wanted to raise them myself anyway) but do i regret it? Yes.

I wish i was financially independant.

Parents who work also raise their children themselves.

System

Person_one wrote: »

Parents who work also raise their children themselves.

Of course wrong choice of wording.

BugglyB

suki1001 wrote: »

So you don't think it's okay to be a sahm?

I'll also add I am a working mum!

I'm struggling to see where in my posts you drew that conclusion from.

mandragora_2

Sorry - I haven't read every post, so I hope I'm not treading on anyone's toes, or repeating a point that's already been made, but I just wanted to say that it's worth bearing in mind that grandchildren ARE someone else's kids - and you need to be careful to remember that if and when that comes along - you need to manage things sensitively. I do think it might be worth considering doing some kind of voluntary work with and for vulnerable children - social services are crying out for foster carers, and there's lots of other less 'heavy commitment' type of opportunities where your devotion and gifts would really make a tangible difference in the lives of some wee scraps who would benefit from what feels like a negative thing for you right now. Can you find it in you anywhere to think about being a 'nearly nan'? Or doing some mentoring or befriending work? Or something as a volunteer for your local youth service?

nearlyrich

I think it's really sad that some people can't see that there is more than one way to do things and what works for them might not be right for everyone else.

I had my children in my early 20's not too much later my ex left us and I didn't want to just exist so I got a job that turned into a career. I had help willingly offered from my parents with childcare and I am lucky to have met my soul mate who loves my children and me .

I have worked whilst bringing up my children, they have turned out well and we are all happy, even though my plan to be a SAHM went down the swannie. I am glad to be independent and financially sorted but I respect the choices of others..each to their own.