April 2013 weddings

sk00bie1

Ok so in the spirit of getting stuff off our chests, here goes my rant/whinge/moan... I'll have to fill in the whole story or it won't make sense!

So you know how my Dad has been away in the US? Well he's back!!!!

Apparently he'd been back for a week before he actually told any of us. And perhaps he only told us as he was busted. Mum got a phone call from the bank asking for his contact details. She explained he was in the US but to try him on his mobile there. Cue the bank person saying 'oh no Mrs X, he was in the branch earlier this week' :eek:
He then turned up the next day and proceeded to inform my Mum that he was leaving her (after 44 years of marriage) He had also met someone else. (a 27 year old :eek:) He came back again the day after to collect some paperwork etc and she hasn't seen him or spoken to him since. He was perfectly amicable when he was here, but cutting all contact is wrong! He's been staying at his mother's. He was caring for her part time before he went away. He will now care for her full time for a year to even up things with my aunt who had been doing the full time care and then perhaps move back to the US.

I don't really know how I feel about it all... It's despicable what he's done but I can't really get angry about it, after all he is still my dad and I don't believe someone should be miserable cause 'it's the right thing to do'. Perhaps I subconciously knew? I think there had been hints and of course now it all makes sense in hindsight!

But I do feel a bit like there's something wrong with me cause I'm not more upset! My brother is livid and my sister thinks he's had a breakdown. He hasn't spoken to either of them since he got back. I know it wouldn't really come up in conversation but I think he should at least talk to them! Maybe too late now, 'Oh by the way I got back into the country 3 weeks ago, sorry I haven't called... oh and also, I've left your mother...'. I've spoken to him myself, but only cause I rang him to sort out wedding stuff. He was fine with me, in fact seems a lot happier than he had been.

I think they should just ring him themselves to be honest, no point sitting there all stressed, just get on with it! And then thinking that makes me feel insensive!!

Apparently our wedding is still the most important thing and he wants to keep the separation low key until after that. Hmmm really? I can just imagine our wedding meal... only 12 of us now and half not talking to one another

And Mum hasn't had to do anything for herself for a long time, so guess who's sorting out her flights/hotels etc? Yep that would be me! I'm planning on having to run her around and keep her company etc. My brother and sister probably won't do much and they won't have a car anyway (although they could if they wanted to). I feel awful for saying this, but it will be our honeymoon! Why me?!!! Perhaps Dad or someone will step up when we're out there, but if I plan on having to do it then I won't be so annoyed/disappointed if I have to!

Oh and my cousin is getting married a few weeks after me. My aunt is refusing to look after my grandma so Dad can come to LV as she has to sort out cousin's wedding stuff. My cousin is older than me, I'm sure she could manage for a week! :mad: Dad says he has something sorted but I still worry he won't be coming and that he's setting up an excuse. I would never have thought that of him before all this. Thinking about it, maybe my aunt is just worried he won't come back!!!


Arghhh families eh?! I'm surprised I haven't had a breakdown myself! That's why I can't wait to be on that flight and getting out of here :rotfl:

Ok right, that's the whole story, feel free to tell me what an insensitive cow I'm being

sk00bie1

Oh and another thing, with only two weeks to go we've still only have 31 RSVPs to the reception, out of 127 :eek: The RSVP date is early, but we're not here for April so we need it sorted before we go!

Do you think I should start chasing people or wait a little longer?

scared1

Oh Daisie...

What an awful lot to worry about. I had something similar but on a smaller scale with a friend not coming to my hen do. I only invited my very best circle of friends and she wouldn't come because she'd just had a baby (well 9mths ago) and didn't want to leave her as still breastfeeding...I was devastated but basically I addressed it up front. I told her I was really upset and hurt but that I understood. Give her her dues she did pop across to see us for a coffee with the baby in London because she saw how upset I was. Sometimes text messages make things so difficult. Could you or your fiance not give her a ring and explain how stressful that would be/ how expensive and ask her exactly what she is worried about and see if you can accomadate her needs. Tell her how upset you both are. Sometimes being honest (but in a nice way) makes people see how much things mean to you. Generally from what I've seen your wedding day is the most important thing to you ever and you want it to go in a certain way...but other people don't seem to get this-especially those who haven't bee through it. I hope you get things sorted. As for your fiance blowing his stack...he's hurt by the sound of it not by you but you were in the firing line. My fiancee has said similar things and so have I...when people start getting in the way. Even though we don't mean it sometimes it feels like if it was just the two of us we could have it our way and no hassel. Although all said and done I don't mean this and nor does she...its just thought.

Skoobie...how awful for you! I have had family issues too of a different sort but still they upset everything. My dad before we got engaged told me that he didn't believe in gay marriage and a lot of hurtful things...it took some counselling to help me get through it...and I realised that I needed to stop looking for his approval and needed to just do what made us happy. Its worked as he's come round and although he's not giving me away he is a witness. I'm still hurt by his actions/words so I have made it so he can't add any more hurt by only asking him to be involved as I feel comfortable. Could you ask your maid of honour to help with the fetching and carrying for your mum?

As for rsvps...I chased people up quickly so that I had everything back in time to ask back up people. We went from 70 to 49 for our final numbers so I would chase up and just blame it on the venue or catering or something like I did saying the need numbers.

I'm having a good week this week of wedding stuff...not much more planned but just enjoying spending time with fiancee. She cleaned out the conservatory yesterday and threw loads of stuff away...she is spring cleaning ready for my family to come and stay for the weekend before the wedding. Made me smile that she in her own way is thinking of things like that as the wedding stuff just isn't as much her thing as mine...

daisiegg

Thanks for the comments girls

OH's sister texted me earlier saying she has booked her train...now I have calmed down I can KIND OF see it a bit more from her perspective. Her baby will be 1 year old, but he has been quite sickly with baby asthma for the past few months and she works full time and doesn't get to see much of him during the week. I know she had booked the Thursday and Friday before our wedding off work and now I suspect she has decided she would rather use that time to spend at home with her baby than travelling. She also told me she has got a hairdresser's appointment on the Friday at home to do her hair for the wedding and she is very excited. I am biting my tongue as the train she has got allows her only an hour's margin of error - she will be arriving in our town (if it goes according to plan) at 12pm and the coaches are leaving for the church at 1pm. She will need to be in her outfit before she leaves in the morning as she simply won't have time to get ready when she gets here...................But I am taking deep breaths and trying not to fret. It is her decision and if she wants to be travelling on the day and run the risk of being late - that is her choice. I will NOT worry about it nor will I let OH worry about it. Whoever said he is hurt, I think you're right. His family are generally quite unreliable and it is always him who has to put effort in to see them (and only then at my insistence - I never understood why he was so out of touch with his immediate family but when I started to see how they treat him I began to understand).

On good news, I had my final dress fitting today!!! It looks gorgeous and fits lovely - and no I didn't look like a beached whale I am so glad I lost what I did - I wanted to lose twice the amount I have but at least the amount I have lost has really made a noticeable difference in the dress. My waist looks nice and small I just wish my upper arms weren't still so fat Still, I didn't have the veil on today and that really does a good job of camouflaging my shoulders and arms.

skoobs - I'd chase RSVPs if I were you. We had to. There were so many people who didn't bother to RSVP, just assuming we'd know they were coming! And I made the RSVP date 3 months before the wedding so I'm sure it's not that yours is too early!

caz2003uk

I've been having a hard time with myself!

Everything is planned basically all ready to go so shouldn't be worried!

I have a dress fitting with seamstress tomorrow to sort out alterations but I ended up hysterically crying last night cos I'm so scared I won't fit into my dress I am a plus size bride and I mean plus size!! I've ordered and returned a few bolero style jackets I wanted for after the ceremony just for around my shoulders and more importantly to hide my disgusting arms which are huge!! I'm waiting for the 3rd one now as none of the others in my supposed size fit my arms in!!

I'm feelig so depressed about it all! I've always been a big big girl and so has my mum and sisters and nan and aunt it's in the genes but it doesn't make me feel any better! I know tomorrow ill be in my dress and feel like a princess again but all I see are my horrible horrible arms!

Wow I'm gonna shurrup now! Lol

RSVP wise we have 100 attending the evening out of 123 invited so good going and only waiting on 8 RSVP's!

daisiegg

Caz, I SO understand where you are coming from about the arms mine are disgusting and are the only part of me that don't seem to have got any smaller as I have lost weight! Are you wearing a veil? I find that mine really helps to minimise the arms. Also as my dress has quite a big skirt I keep telling myself that it sort of helps to balance my arms! But no, I totally feel your pain as my arms are horrendous I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. No one will be looking at you thinking 'look at the size of her arms' they will be thinking 'look at the beautiful bride'! Now I just need to convince myself of that fact too...

scared1

Caz...

I hear you. I'm not much of a fan of my arms either. I started out about a size 24 but have gotten down to about a 18-20 now. Although my arms in a strapless dress not a fan! I am still thinking about what to wear as a cover up for after the ceremony. I bought a pashmina which I might use. It goes behing my back and ties at the back and looks very nice. It was £3 on ebay. And since it does not have fitted arms fits fine. Good luck! I do understand...I spent a week crying at my fiancee that I couldn't find stockings that would stay up with my corselette...annoys me how they don't make things in bigger sizes more readily available!

I am sure you will look beautiful on your big day. I always find a bit of a tan helps too...

Good luck!

scared1

We spent the evening packaging up our thankyou gifts. All in pretty packages wrapped in pink gingham ribbons. So excited!

We just have nowhere to store things anymore!

caz2003uk

daisiegg wrote: »

Caz, I SO understand where you are coming from about the arms mine are disgusting and are the only part of me that don't seem to have got any smaller as I have lost weight! Are you wearing a veil? I find that mine really helps to minimise the arms. Also as my dress has quite a big skirt I keep telling myself that it sort of helps to balance my arms! But no, I totally feel your pain as my arms are horrendous I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. No one will be looking at you thinking 'look at the size of her arms' they will be thinking 'look at the beautiful bride'! Now I just need to convince myself of that fact too...

Thanks daisie and scared

I was having a veil but had a few panic issues surrounding my dress shop and it hasn't been ordered when I was in panic mode and settled the bill and took my dress from the shop! I decided I didn't want the veil we are marrying in a registry office and I feel a veil would be too much! If it was a church then yes definate veil but argh!!! Why do I get myself so worked up!!

I wish I could post a photo of me in my dress but I couldn't risk my h2b seeing it as he looks ok here from time to time!

I NEVER wear anything skirt or dress like AT ALL! My arms are always covered up without a doubt and I'm really stressing out about it it doesn't help my skinny size 12/14 bridesmaid doesn't understand what it's like to be twice her clothes size

sk00bie1

Thanks for the comments girls, I just keep thinking it'll all be OK on the day, it all won't matter on the day...

Scared1 - Unfortunately my 2 bridesmaids and my other good friend have all dropped out of coming to Vegas, so no one to run around after mum =/ (One is going to be 8 months pregnant so she is forgiven :P )

Cas - I'm another one not keen on my arms, I've got a little faux fur cape and have also sent for a bolero from Wrapor to try and cover them!

Daisie - Glad you've come to an understanding with OHs sister and that your dress looks amazing!

Have posted on fb about RSVPs and will mention them to all I see! I actually posted a few days ago but only just realised the post was only visible to me... Duh!

If we get to the deadline and there are still some outstanding we will just have to make it clear that anyone who hasn't RSVPed by the time we have our final meeting with the venue just before we fly, won't be eating!!!

I'm doing my brooch bouquet at the moment, struggling to get the wire trimmed off. I think I need better wire cutters!


Brooch bouquet in progress by sk00bie81, on Flickr