I don't have a best friend..do you?

dibuzz

I've never had a best friend and don't really have any friends at all.

violettasomerset

I think my sister is probably my best friend - I can talk with her about anything, and we can be silly together too.

I realised about six months ago that the other person I would have considered my best friend (who I was definitely best friends with through 6th form and beyond) was no longer a best friend - although we get on really well when we do see each other and it was like we'd never been apart, we'd not met up for about 18 months, and it was always me who called her, albeit only every 6 months, for a few years before that. I returned one of her DVDs through the post (we live about 100 miles apart) and suggested in my letter that we meet up, but never heard anything back. She doesn't even "like" any of my posts on Facebook, which I realise isn't a great sign of friendship but might show that she thinks of me occasionally. although it might seem harsh, at the moment I'm not making any effort to contact her, I'm waiting to see if she contacts me or not - if not, clearly we've grown apart and it's not worth chasing.

mummyoftwomonkeys

I don't have any friends :-( I grew apart from the very few people I was friends with at school and haven't made any since. I got friendly with a girl a couple of years ago who said she was lonely hadn't lived in the area long so I made her welcome invited her round my house, we went out for dinner one afternoon on me. When her daughter was born I gave her a bag full of clothes that were all still in very good condition and she asked when I got home if she could sell them! and once she found herself another bunch of friends a bit more local she stopped bothering with me. Oh also I bought her daughter a bundle of clothes and just before my sons 2nd birthday she said she was out buying him an outfit but if she did he never got it! I think I will just make do with my own company lol

aintshesweet

I have one best friend, and one other person I know I could *probably* rely on to help me out in bad times, although the latter relationship is quite complex. I have a few very old friendships which although contact is not regular, I know I could confide in them. There is a female partner of one of my boyfriend's friends who I'm pretty close to and feel I can confide pretty much anything to. We are too different in too many ways to consider her a bestfriend, but I definitely feel comfortable around her. There's a few other girlfriends in my boyfriend's circle of mates who I will chat to about personal stuff, but aside from keeping contact via facebook and meeting up as couples, we generally don't get together by ourselves (distance may be partly to blame there!).

I'm in my mid twenties, and my best friend and I have been close since we were 12. Some of my other close school friends moved abroad and we subsequently lost touch. My actual circle of close friends (another 5 or 6 girls - I was a bit of a group-hopper), looking back, were probably not the best choice of friends. Almost all those girls are now living on benefits and had children very early.

The other close friend is male, and during college there was a time when I thought we may get together. I was niave about mixed-sex friendships and was friends with quite a few guys who were in love with me, which affected my (now platonic) friendship with this guy. He's a great guy, but I don't think I'll ever be as close to him as I was before we had a row about a mutual (ex)friend who fancied me. I broke off contact with the mutual friend as we just weren't getting on and I felt I was leading him on by remaining friends with him. Confusing? Yes... this is why I don't have particularly close friendships with anyone in that circle anymore, I just know that M would be there for me if I needed him.

I have a circle of girly mates, a great mix of gals I've known from all different sorts of places, and for one reason or another have all come together as a fairly big group of girls who get together every once in a while. To be honest, I think if I reached out to some of them they would probably be there for me because some of them I have known since I was 3, 5, 10 years old, or have got to know quite well in the past 2-4 years as a new friend. I'm just not the type of person who constantly calls people up even though I do think of all them fondly! My female friendships have definitely got better since I stopped being such a tomboy hanging around with the boys.

I don't consider myself as someone who has a lot of mates, but thinking about it here has made me think that over the years I have been close to many people at various points, even if I don't have a hectic social life with lots and lots of acquaintances. The people I tend to keep in touch with only ever tend to be very close friends.

Twinklebear

Well what is coming across to me from some of these posts is how selfish and superficial some of our supposed "best" friends have turned out to be and when I first saw this post I thought I would be the odd one out and there would be pages of people with wonderful best friends which would reinforce there was something wrong with me not being able to keep a good friend in my life. The folks who are posting about their lovely best friends who support them and care for them are very lucky indeed to have found these special friendships as sadly as shown here we are not all as lucky. Now things aren't so raw I think my ex best friends have lost out in the long run as I consider myself a caring person and often bent over backwards and put my own "needs" on the backburner, I would never break a confidence and always tried to enhance their lives. That is probably why I have got one of my ex friends stalking my every move at the moment and ringing my family members up much to my embarrassment. I do go on facebook and have facelessly met some nice people who play some of the zynga games who are always happy to pass the time of day with me so I am content but in my low moments I do wish that someone would have thought enough of me to have not had to pretend to be a good friend to me, who needs enemies with some of the friends we have found ourselves with...

Twinklebear

Well mummyoftwomonkeys sounds to me as if you have a lucky escape from that girl after that sort of treatment, she certainly walked all over your good nature and to say she was getting something for your son and not to unbelievable, just awful. I have regularly given bags of clothing, toys etc to one of my pretend best friends for her grandchildren and my son never got a chocolate bar in return for thanks ok lesson learned but then I find out I have paid for some "buy one get one free" offers regularly when she said do you want this for such and such a price and me I was that daft I paid her for the one she got free from the offer !!!

tea_lover

I sometimes think I don't have many friends but when I stop and really think about it I do, just in different ways. My sister is my best friend - she drives me mad but we're really close and I know I can totally rely on her, and she can on me. I'd also class my OH as one of my best friends.
Locally I probably have acquaintances more than friends - I go to a variety of groups and activities and get along great with lots of people there, but probably wouldn't think to meet up with them for anything else.

I also have three very close friends from uni, although we're spread all over the world now. Sometimes we'll go a while without speaking as we're all busy with work and families, but they still mean the world to me and when we do meet up it's like we've not had a day apart. I'm meeting one of them tomorrow for a day out, am really looking forward to it

Pee

I think it's harder to make friends as you get older.

I'd be hard pressed to say who my best friend is. Is it my boyfriend, is it my sister or is it my two friends from Uni days (getting on for 20 years ago) who I am still in contact with every few days?

I could tell all of them absolutely anything and they all know me pretty much equally well..

aintshesweet

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

How to you define "best" friend? I have lots of friends but no best friend - meaning someone I talk to regularly, email, text all the time etc.

I used to have one, from the age of 12 right up to my early thirties. She travelled all over the world while I stayed at home making a career for myself but we were always in touch by letter or phone, and whenever she was back in the UK we spent all our free time together. But - like so many other posters here - I finally realised how manipulative and controlling she was (long story) and broke off all contact with her. Since then I've been wary of giving too much of myself away. The nature of my work means that I don't stay in one place for very long and while I find it easy to engage with most people on a personal level and I will form friendly relationships wherever I am, I don't get too emotionally involved with anyone if I can help it (I have my OH for that!).

"Best friend" to me will never be defined by daily contact via text, twitter, facebook, whatever. I don't have the time to devote to anyone daily like that without my work suffering! I don't have kids and the daily grind of keeping the house clean and cooking and getting a work out in in the evenings keeps my pretty busy day to day.
I think the way we define best friendships must grow and be redefined as we get older and life changes.
As a child, a best friend was definitely someone that I'd have over to play several times a week.
As a teen, a best friend was someone who I could talk to about who they fancied, who I fancied, and things we thought grown ups wouldn't understand (sex, smoking, drugs, etc.). Someone who I would likely see more days than not in any given week.
For me, in my mid twenties, it would be someone I feel I can confide in or seek advice from, and most importantly... have fun, relax in the company of, and never feel judged by, a relationship that is comfortable by nature but not does require daily maintenance. I guess for others it may be different - if I had children I'd definitely need a bestfriend who understood that kids come first before our play dates - if I was more of a social person I'd probably require a full circle of best mates to go clubbing with a few nights a week.

I've written a freaking novel here already lol but I kinda wanted to share my experiences. I have had my fair share of !!!! friendships, users, backstabbers, fake people. A few early bestfriendships ended prematurely because they quite literally upped and left without saying goodbye or giving me a chance to stay in touch when they moved away/abroad.

My bestfriend has been in the past controlling, insecure, and a bit of a bully. She can also be very moody. I took issue with this so much a couple of years ago, I was at breaking point with the friendship. She is an incredibly kind, generous and fun person to be around sometimes which made it hard to me to justify the "Break up". I ended the friendship because I felt she was way too reliant on me, for various reasons, the main issue being that she can be very insecure.
Fast forward 2 years later, and we went and had a drink together and talked over the problems. The main point of the discussion was that I felt I had handled the end of the friendship very badly and could have been more sensitive, but also needed a break and some breathing space. It turned out that in the 2 year interim she had faced up to some of the qualities which had negatively affected us and gained some new friendships outside of us (which she needed - desperately). She learnt a lot about herself, and likewise with me. I used to despair over her sometimes as a teenager, thinking she could be really difficult. I think trying a different approach really helped us - for us we needed time apart to grow as people for the friendship to survive. Although I was a total cow for turning my back on her, she stood on her own two feet when we "broke up" which actually made us stronger in the end.

aintshesweet

Pee wrote: »

I think it's harder to make friends as you get older.

I'd be hard pressed to say who my best friend is. Is it my boyfriend, is it my sister or is it my two friends from Uni days (getting on for 20 years ago) who I am still in contact with every few days?

I could tell all of them absolutely anything and they all know me pretty much equally well..

I would absolutely consider my OH a bestfriend, but I don't think it's healthy for them to be the only person you can talk to or turn to.
Heaven forbid should something happen to them, to not have support from others would be terrible. You should never make any one person your whole life, it's setting yourself up for real heartbreak if anything happens.