I don't have a best friend..do you?

SailorSam

I find it hard to make friends,, it seems when you're in school it was much easier but after school you all start to go your own way, 'cos i've been most of my working life i've been self employed there wasn't even the same group of work mates. I'd say i only have one good friend for last 35yrs that we keep in regular touch with.
It amazes me when i see how many 'friends' people have on their FB profile.

blue_monkey_2

Wow. I ewas feeling a bit stupid and gullible for having been sucked in by my friend - it's nice to know it has not only happened to me (in a weird way).

I am one of those people that people confide everything in - I must have one of those 'been there, done that, got the t-shirt' kind of looks about me as anyone who has a problem comes and speaks to me about it. I do not judge, life is what it is, I've had some terrible life experiences but I now look at it in that they might help me to help others get out of the same situations.

I am still in a place in my head where I feel extremely angry about what my so-called friend did to me, I know I need to get rid of those feelings as they are not good for me, coming on here helps me to get a different perspective on things and just this morning, typing this email and realising I am not alone in my situation, has helped. You say you have no-one to help you, just come on here and get a new username and speak to people on here - that helps. Some people might think it sad but I find it helps me and stops me offloading the crap onto casual friends unless I really need to.

FatVonD

I don't have a best friend, my husband is my bessie. I have a couple of old friends but if I'm honest that's more down to them putting in effort than me, I'm a bad, bad friend Throughout my life I've tended to have close friendships that last for a few years but then things (jobs/dynamics/relationships) change and I'm rubbish at keeping in touch.

blue_monkey_2

SailorSam wrote: »

It amazes me when i see how many 'friends' people have on their FB profile.

Ha, I can tell you now, there is a reason for those 'friends' - that is because a lot of those people are needy people, they have a need to feel wanted and a need to feel popular (note, not BE popular). There could also be a need to show an ex that their life is so much better without them. The same people probably spill all the marvellous details about their life on there.

Facebook has it's place, I use it to share photos with friends and family who live abroad - however, some people post WAY too much on there about themselves. I am so nosy though, I just use it to be nosy, LOL. Sad but true!! Got to love FB!! :T

saidan

in my adult life i've had 3 best friends.....in 3 locations who did not know each other.

the first died of cancer 8 years ago.

i supported the second through cancer - and one day she said she'd call me back later and she never did. i have not heard from her for 5 years now (but see online she is alive & well)

the third died of cancer 3 years ago.

so never ever again - too painful..........
(but bizarrely I met a lovely girl last month who i thought i could be good friends with - you guessed it - she phoned me last week to say she had just been diagnosed with cancer and needs surgery next week.....)

Twinklebear

Continuing reading this thread with interest...thanks again for starting it. I still feel particularly gullible and stupid for not being able to "suss" someone out quickly enough before they can do real emotional damage. What makes it worse for me my family cause my a lot of problems as my mum and sister in particular are quite uncaring so I suppose I have always been looking for someone to be there and care enough I just ended up confiding in the wrong people who took advantage. Luckily for me I do have a very supportive husband, who in fairness did try and warn me and could see what was going on with the controlling nature of the friendships but he tells me I always try and see the good side in people and in the end I found out the hard way the true nature of the people I was befriending.

Bangton

blue_monkey wrote: »

Wow. I ewas feeling a bit stupid and gullible for having been sucked in by my friend - it's nice to know it has not only happened to me (in a weird way).

I am one of those people that people confide everything in - I must have one of those 'been there, done that, got the t-shirt' kind of looks about me as anyone who has a problem comes and speaks to me about it. I do not judge, life is what it is, I've had some terrible life experiences but I now look at it in that they might help me to help others get out of the same situations.

I am still in a place in my head where I feel extremely angry about what my so-called friend did to me, I know I need to get rid of those feelings as they are not good for me, coming on here helps me to get a different perspective on things and just this morning, typing this email and realising I am not alone in my situation, has helped. You say you have no-one to help you, just come on here and get a new username and speak to people on here - that helps. Some people might think it sad but I find it helps me and stops me offloading the crap onto casual friends unless I really need to.

Blue_monkey..I really have liked your posts on this thread

System

I'm not that successful with female relationships. I tend to stick to myself when i have a problem.

suki1001

Bangton wrote: »

It's amazing how many 'friends' have let so many of us down. I except we are all human and can't always be there for someone but it's funny how flippant some people are with friendships that they would deliberately harm them

I can understand there are those friends who just grow apart, or those who fall out through misunderstandings etc. However when you've been mistreated by someone who is manipulative and literally scheming, it's quite different. I think these are rare events. In my case I feel very sorry for those people who feel they have to behave in this way.

In my case, it was a short sighted gain for the individual e.g getting sympathy for something made up. She really couldn't see the damage she was doing and it seems she made a destructive path through life and had done it for years. At the time when it happened to me, she managed to suck in not just me but shrewed business women, who tried to take her under their wing. When it all came out in the wash, she was the one who completely lost out, lost a lot of nice people who would have been her friend, had she not (intentionally or unintentionally) chosen to make her relationships based on people just feeling sorry for her (in order to gain not just sympathy, but financial benefit too).

I really think these people, although they happen to eveyone at some point, in one way or another are very rare and stupid, because they go through life never forming proper relationships and base their popularity on the downfall of someone else, even if it isn't true. My perception of this, is that it is their problem, because at the end of the day, I have a fab husband, lovely children and some fantastic friends.

For those of you who have had your fingers burnt (or more), these people were never your friend, because true friends would never do that. If you have had the misfortune to be the recipient, then it is because you are a nice person. Don't see that as a negative thing.

Bangton

SailorSam wrote: »

I find it hard to make friends,, it seems when you're in school it was much easier but after school you all start to go your own way, 'cos i've been most of my working life i've been self employed there wasn't even the same group of work mates. I'd say i only have one good friend for last 35yrs that we keep in regular touch with.
It amazes me when i see how many 'friends' people have on their FB profile.

I used to have over 300 when I was on FB but that was because it was easy to make friends at school and I had a series of pub/cafe/restaurant jobs where I met friends too. Suddenly when I joined facebook there they all were!!

The thing is of course those people had forgotten about me for 5 or more years, so aside from a select few, seeing me on FB wasn't a treat for them and they would add me and I'd forget I was actually even friends with them!

Back when I was on FB I did have more 'friends' as people would contact and ask to meet and stuff. However I can safely say I only spoke regularly to about 15 of them. Now I don't use FB I speak to about 3 of them...once a year!

FB did make it easier to keep in contact as I was logging on in an evening and devoting time to it. Now when I get a text it's annoying because I have a touch screen and I can hardly use it! So in that respect I sometimes miss FB however it's too big for me and I don't want to be friends with every Tom, !!!!!! and Harry I ever met although there are people I should have resolved to stay in touch with