I don't have a best friend..do you?

Welshwoofs

I have some very good female friends, 2 of whom I've been friends with for 35 years, but there isn't a friend who'd I'd tell absolutely anything and everything to....but that's because I'm just not that sort of person anyway.

Hezzawithkids

How to you define "best" friend? I have lots of friends but no best friend - meaning someone I talk to regularly, email, text all the time etc.

I used to have one, from the age of 12 right up to my early thirties. She travelled all over the world while I stayed at home making a career for myself but we were always in touch by letter or phone, and whenever she was back in the UK we spent all our free time together. But - like so many other posters here - I finally realised how manipulative and controlling she was (long story) and broke off all contact with her. Since then I've been wary of giving too much of myself away. The nature of my work means that I don't stay in one place for very long and while I find it easy to engage with most people on a personal level and I will form friendly relationships wherever I am, I don't get too emotionally involved with anyone if I can help it (I have my OH for that!).

I have friends that I have known for many, many years but no-one who lives nearby that I 'talk' to every day. They are the sort of people that, when we do get together, we can pick up right where we left off as if we saw each other only yesterday. They know everything about me and vice versa and our relationships go back with enough shared history to form a rock solid foundation. They know that if they ever need me I will be there for them, and I know that they would be there for me.

I'm old enough now that I don't feel the need for a daily, emotional attachment to anyone outside my immediate family. I don't know where I'd find the time to be honest!

pearl123

ginger_tony wrote: »

Ive got 1 best mate and friends l can go out with if l need a night out. l really love my bessie mate but she is very jealous of my husband who hasnt done her any harm. my previous relationship was abusive and she was my rock and we would go out together on the phone regular etc. When l got the balls to leave my ex she was so happy for me but when l met my hubby who is a really good man l saw a very different side to her. She started demanding my attention and being cheeky to my husband she even dithered about being my bridesmaid at the wedding. She started saying things like men love motherly looking women like me why couldnt she find someone maybe she should put abit of weight on and she could meet someone. At this point l thought who the hell do you think you are. This has been going on for over 7 years now and l have pulled back a fair bit now as l love my life and wouldnt change it for the world but sad my best pal couldnt be happy for me, its not like l left her behind l was and always will still be there for her but dont think she will be content until she meets someone.

I had a very similar situation. My friend just could not seem to cope as soon as I met my OH. Even before I had my first date she started moaning that everything was going to change. She had become so very difficult and critical of my relashionship that it became impossible to continue to be friends with her. She was also a dreadful busybody phoning up my OH all the time and trying to make mischief. I had to put OH first.

suki1001

I was quite shy at school and had a best friend for a couple of years at a time. Then I had boyfriends and there's been times where I haven't particulaly had a best friend.

What I did learn when I go a bit older, was that people who wanted a best friend, in my circumstances, were usually quite needy people and manipulative. The worst instance went badly wrong and this person spread a lot of lies and twisted the truth about my past. I wouldn't have known she was doing it, until someone who had originally been sucked in by her, realised something she was saying about me just couldn't have been true.

I have a handful of very good people, I don't use them as an ear for my problems, unless I really need to. They are very important to me. I tend to distance myself from people who come across as very negative.

clearing_out_my_pockets

I said earlier that DH is my best friend - I probably should point out that I've been with him for 5 years this time around, 1 year the previous time, but I've known him for 13 years, so the other 7 years he was my best friend. So glad things worked out between us - I would have hated ruining our great friendship if it hadn't worked out.

Bangton

This thread has been a really interesting read for me and so many of the posts and stories of friendship mishaps have resonated with me.

I define a 'best' friend as someone I see/speak to often and share everything with..good/bad/personal/embarassing etc

By nature I am very friendly too and will speak to anyone without judgement, I am well liked at work and often people confide in me but work friendships feel different to personal ones...for me anyway.

I'd say my relationship with my partner is really strong now and we have worked hard to right any wrongs but it hasn't always been easy and we have gone through some tough times to get to where we are now. During these tough times I coped alone and regrettably didn't necessarily speak to my partner when I should have. My mum always guessed what was going on and my family were good to me at this time but it was all unspoken. I feel a good, female friendship would have helped me at what was a lonely time for me.

Similarly I have experienced alot in my life, as I am sure others have. I think I would make a good friend and would always, always be there for someone if they needed me. I'd never break the trust of a friendship yet no-one has ever called me their best friend either.

One day at work a colleague asked if I had any single friends I could bring out. No I thought...I barely have friends and the ones I do have probably would find it odd to be invited on a works night out since we aren't that close.

I last saw a friend for coffee about a year ago, but it only lasted an hour....I had to get back to work. (How many times can a person say work in one post eh!)

Yeah, so friends...not really happening for me !

mummybearx

I have two girls that Im friends with. One I worked with 10 years ago, and one I met on a wedding forum 4 years ago. My work friend I see maybe once a year, even though we live 5 mins apart. We text and facebook to keep in touch, it's nice having her friendship knowing that she is always there for me (and has been on many occasions). My internet friend I have met a few times, we email/text/facebook daily, just general chit-chat really.

But I don't have a 'best friend' nor any female friends that I meet up with, go out with or tell all my problems to. Like most of us, I've been bullied and manipulated by 'friends' in the past, I really just don't trust anyone anymore. My closest friends now are my husband's male friends, and my DH is my best friend, the best I could ever ask for.

x

Bangton

PasturesNew wrote: »

I don't actually have ANY of the things on your list.

Hmmm now that's something and someone else earlier mentioned having friends but no partner. Perhaps the key is to be gratful for what you have not worry about what you don't have. Hope I haven't offended you

January20

Bangton wrote: »

I feel a bit abnormal...I have a handful of friends, I have a partner, a great family BUT I don't have a best girlfriend...someone I can talk to when I've rowed with the Mr (which is rare I suppose), someone I trust with everything....who I could turn to if my partner left me etc etc etc

Am I the only one without a best friend...?

No you're not! I'm not 12. I don't need a best friend any more than I need an imaginary friend!

Bangton

zepsgal wrote: »

I have two girls that Im friends with. One I worked with 10 years ago, and one I met on a wedding forum 4 years ago. My work friend I see maybe once a year, even though we live 5 mins apart. We text and facebook to keep in touch, it's nice having her friendship knowing that she is always there for me (and has been on many occasions). My internet friend I have met a few times, we email/text/facebook daily, just general chit-chat really.

But I don't have a 'best friend' nor any female friends that I meet up with, go out with or tell all my problems to. Like most of us, I've been bullied and manipulated by 'friends' in the past, I really just don't trust anyone anymore. My closest friends now are my husband's male friends, and my DH is my best friend, the best I could ever ask for.

x

It's amazing how many 'friends' have let so many of us down. I except we are all human and can't always be there for someone but it's funny how flippant some people are with friendships that they would deliberately harm them