I don't have a best friend..do you?

jackieb

Last time I had a best friend was when I was 12 until I was 16. I got pregnant young and we just grew apart. I left school when all my friends were still there. When you have a baby your priorities change, especially when your friends are still teenagers and they want to go out getting drunk. I got married at 18 and we're still together 25 years later.

A friend to do things with would be nice but i'm not one to push myself onto others. My husband is very quiet. He doesn't have one either. He can nearly always find someone to play golf with but no real close friends. I have my immediate and extended family and that's enough for me.

Ex-Spendaholic

Thanks for starting this thread, a it makes me feel more "normal"

I cant honestly say I have any real friends either. I have many aquaintances ranging from people I went to school with, work colleagues, parents of my kids friends etc. However, there is no-one I would refer to as a friend.

I have pondered this recently and wondered where I have gone wrong in life. I have had friends over the years but all have fizzled out for various reasons.

My conclusion as to why I dont have friends:

I have 4 kids and a husband
I have a job
I have a house to maintain
I help run OH's business
I have hobbies

I simply dont have the time to maintain friendships. Suits me fine when I come to think about it. :rotfl:

Notsosharp

I had a best friend, we were really close and supported each other through everything for the best part of four years.

Then he became my boyfriend and it was a fantastic relationship, I thought it would feel odd because he had been my friend and he was quite a large man....never thought I would see him "that way" but when it came to it, it didn't matter it just felt right and natural right from the start.

Then in November he announced out of the blue he didn't love me anymore and just left. Haven't really seen or heard from him since, I tried to keep in touch mainly because he said he wanted to, he said next to his son I would always be the most important person in his life....he lied. He's cut off all contact with me providing no explanation at all. And you know what, it's not the boyfriend I miss, its the friend.

Bascially, I'm gutted and despite the fact the relationship was the best one I've ever had, he broadened my world a lot I regret becoming his girlfriend, maybe then we would still be friends.

So nope, I don't have a best friend, I used to but not now and I miss him a lot.

I do have a fantastic family who are close to me and another friend but there's no one really I would feel comfortable with sharing some of the things I shared with him and not anyone I can laugh and joke with (I have an obscure sense of humour, very dry and not everyone gets it) and no one to discuss music with late into the night.

I feel very lonely and very lost but I suppose it'll pass, theres a huge gap in my life where he was though

I'd love to have a friend to go out and do things with, we used to just drive round the dales and end up in all sorts of places. I think it's because I felt like I didn't have to put on a front with him, he was the first in a long time I've let get that close and look what happened. I'll probably never have anything like that again.

BugglyB

I have a lovely best friend, shes funny, smart, interesting. We just 'click'.

I dont expect my best mate do have daily contact with me - thats just too much. I dont have daily contact with my OH! She sometimes cancels plans with me, as I do with her, thats life. Shes currently single, if some date comes up I'm happy for her to cancel plans with me to go. When she had a hard time after breaking up with her last boyfriend we saw more of each other.

Likewise when I have tough times she is there for me, however I dont flip out if she doesn't return my calls for a week or so, sometimes we have busy lives. I'm no angel either, sometimes I'm inconsiderate or too lazy to go and see her. We both always have other stuff we can do or other people we can talk to.

I wouldn't say I would ever bend over backwards for anyone, unless I did it in the same vein as how I lend money, which is only if I can afford it and then never expect to see it back!

Notsosharp, your story made me sad. My OH is a great friend of mine and it makes me feel sick to think if it didn't work out I'd never see him again. Sorry about what happened to you.

SnowBelle_2

I have just sat and read all this thread & have finally realised that I too have a little of most of the friend experiances.
I got married late(ish) at 39 and I am now 44 and think my OH is everything I could wish for in a friend.

I too have been there for many friends and have had the dirty done on me and it hurts and you think to yourself 'what did I ever do to deserve being treated like that' But you get up, dust yourself down and start again.

But now I am at the stage of my life where I am very short of friends,because of being hurt and me backing away for fear of those experiances, and it does make me sad.
In fact I have been crying just writing this,but I know that I love myself and my DH loves me to bits.
Thats all that matters to me now.

Twiglet0309

I gave up all my friends when I moved in with Mum to become her carer. Given that I have little or no time to myself, the last thing I needed was to hear about friends having great nights out or holidays or rideouts (Im a motorcyclist).
My only interpersonal contact nowadays is with Mums friends who are predominantly over 80yrs.
My best friend is my dog. He is always pleased to see me. Listens to all my gripes and rarely tells me Im wrong - perfect!

elantan

i have to admit i dont have a best friend either ... i dont feel as if i miss out on having one ... i dont tend to mix very well socially at all to be honest and used to worry a bit about that ... thinking i was abnormal or something

i did the myres briggs test to find out my personality type and that helped me understand myself a bit better ... it isnt entirely accurate but i can deff recognise alot of myself in the description ...

i dont live by these ideals ( myres briggs etc ... have done a few now) but i think it did help me to understand myself more

elvis86

Whilst I agree that for some people, a "best friend" isn't something they have or maybe even need (I'm not sure I can nominate a single "best friend", though I feel that of all of my friends, I could identify 4 or 5 as "the best"), I can't help but it's really not healthy for some of you to reassure yourselves that having no friends whatsoever is okay.:(

I just find that so sad.

elantan

elvis what you may find sad though others may find works best for them ... we are all different , which is great , maybe some people would rather have no friends , maybe some people are happy in their own company

Newly_retired

I hate it when others make an arrangement in front of you to meet up. They are obviously "best friends" and I am excluded.
It is the same feeling when you see other people in your group/ choir/church etc giving out Christmas cards, but not to you. You think - so aren't I your friend then?