I don't have a best friend..do you?

lori64

karen23 wrote: »

I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Whichever one they are, I also believe that we learn something from them all - be it good or bad, about ourselves or other people.

I wish someone would come into my life for the lifetime scenario!
Have never had a best friend, but would like one very much. The only person I could class as my best mate would be an internet friend who lives 500mls away and that I have never met. Pretty sad, eh! lol

Bangton

Had a quick catch up on this thread and I'd just like to say thanks again for your posts...and for your honesty. It has certainly made me feel better as I truly felt my situation was rare.

I still miss the fact I don't have a really close girlfriend but I have been inspired to cherish what I do have... x

red_devil

Bangton wrote: »

I feel a bit abnormal...I have a handful of friends, I have a partner, a great family BUT I don't have a best girlfriend...someone I can talk to when I've rowed with the Mr (which is rare I suppose), someone I trust with everything....who I could turn to if my partner left me etc etc etc

Am I the only one without a best friend...?

I have one its between my legs:p

mytimetoshine2012

Phewwwww!! So it's not just me then! I don't have a 'best' friend either or that many people I would consider to be friends that could be counted on in a crisis.

Like many others on here I have been there for people in the past during some pretty horrific times and put their needs in front of my own but as soon as I need help ---zoooooooommmm---off they run into the distance. I have also been the driving force for some 'friendships' and realsied how one sided they were last year when I was depressed. I decided not to contact people over Christmas and New Year (they knew I was struggling) and see how many remembered me....WELL wasn't that an eye-opener!! :rotfl:

So I made a new years resolution to let all of the phony friendships go. We are now in February and I am much happier. I have stopped asking people for coffee or bending over backwards to fit in with other peoples schedules at my own expense. Three things have happened firstly I have been able to do more with my family and actually appreciate them more, I have not been spending money on things I don't want to do and a couple of nice people have asked me if I would like to go out for coffee.:) Not expecting much but you never know!

Like many on here I am VERY lucky becasue my OH is my best friend in the world. We have been together 9 years but were friends for two years before that. We have been through thick and thin together over this time and support eachother through everything. It's not so much that I *need* help and support from 'friends' just sometimes it is nice if they exprerss an interest...but hey ho we can't have everything and given the choice I would choose my OH everytime.

Isn't it telling though that seems to be the consencous on here and we all thought we were abnormal? Interesting!

Byeee
MTTS

robotmode

This post has really cheered me up and I don't feel so alone now. I was feeling very down yesterday and am still teary today all thanks to another so called friend.

Since I moved into a village, I really thought I'd made a nice circle of friends when my kids started preschool, but over the last couple of years have realised that with most of them all seem to have their own special friends and unless I make the effort they don't and I'll bend over backward to help them out, but it's never reciprocated. Then yesterday I found out someone who I thought was one of my closer circle of friends had totally excluded me & OH from her birthday celebration and the 'gang' had all clearly gone out of their way to keep it secret from us:(. Although, OH is a bit put out too and tries to understand how I feel, he gets over this sort of thing much quicker as I'm a total worrywart. In some ways I'd half expected it as she has been odd for a while and mostly since I stopped hanging round for a chat in the playground after I was accused of an untrue rumour by the headteacher at DD's school.

In general I don't find it difficult to make friends, but if I think someone doesn't like me then I'm very guarded, the barriers go up and it then results in them thinking that I don't like them. The thing with the headteacher was also traumatic for me so I did avoid people in the playground as I was left depressed for a long time. I've also made the mistake of telling people too much before now and have learned to be more careful as I find they'll then use it against you at a later date:mad:.

When I was younger I went through all the usual girlhood !!!!!iness traumas. Then at college I found a BFF (her words) who I now realise was beyond manipulative and never wanted me to have any other friends. I basically let myself be kept on the end of a string to be picked up and put down whenever she felt like it. She even went on to poison my relationship with my brother's GF by spreading lies about her to me and vice versa, which has since led to losing all contact with my brother. Then luckily for me, while she was dating his brother, she introduced me to my wonderful OH (who could see right through her from the start), but of course she then couldn't handle that I had someone else in my life and kicked off with her scheming again. The sad result is that OH's brother no longer speaks to us either and yet they have upped and moved into the same village as us???!!!

OH is my real BFF and I can tell him anything. Sometimes I know I treat him terribly especially when I''m suffering from depression:A. Main problem nowadays is I'm so used to putting barriers up even to the wrong people. We have 3 gorgeous kids who unfortunately are unlikely to ever get to know their uncles or cousins as the relationships with both brothers are well beyond repair. This has led to numerous difficulties with the rest of the family on both sides, so I don't feel that I have family I can talk to either. Looking back I now realise all her other friends were just like the person I used to be, but she is one of these people who fall in a bucket of muck and come out smelling of roses, still grinning her spiteful grin and getting people to fall for her side of the story.

Nowadays my definition of a really good friend is someone I haven't necessarily seen/spoken to for ages, but when we do it's just like I only saw/spoke to them yesterday and there's no sarcastic comment we're just pleased to see/hear from each other. I'd feel silly telling these good friends how upset I am about what happened yesterday as I wouldn't want to burden them with it and on the face of it it seems quite trivial even though deep down I'm feeling very downtrodden and hurt.

Thanks OP and sorry for the essay, but I do feel better for getting all this off my chest and good luck to you all - mytimetoshine2012, your so called friends sound like a mirror image of mine. Good luck to your new friendships, there must be some great people out there somewhere. :T

Sue-UU

It sounds as though there are more of us than we, the individuals, sometimes think. My best friend is my wonderful Husband of 40 years, he's my life and I know I'm his, and I'm so very thankful of that!

I did have what I thought was a girl BF, but at the last time of needing her, she let me know she wasn't interested at all.

Because of an ailment I don't let too many people get close to me now and would now consider my friends to be here - on MSE - where I've met some terrific folk; mind you there are a few who go all out to make life hell, but at least I can turn away from them or ignore them though that too is hard sometimes.

Our Son and indeed his lovely Wife are wonderful folk who we can always talk to, likewise for them too, we're always 'here'.

It's not just you at all, Bangton, there are many of us in the same boat, but maybe sometimes we're best off being without friends who aren't really friends at all. If we have just one that we can rely on, that's all that matters, and never forget, you've made friends with this thread alone. Anytime you wish to, you can always PM me - that's surely what friends are/do.

So long as we're relatively happy, that's all that matters!

Sue x

bugslet

I have no family apart from OH, so in my 30s when I realised that and I was working silly hours and whilst I still had friends from school days, a re-location meant it wasn't easy to meet up frequently. So I really made the effort to make friends and it was successful and one of the people I met back then supported and helped me through a difficult time and I hope that if she needs the favour re-paying, I can do as well for her. My closest/best friend came about though in my early 40s when I joined a diet group and we clicked slowly over a period of 6 months and without a doubt I'd trust her more than anyone else.

She is no effort to stay in touch with and arrange things with, we see each other about every 10 days. Other friends are good, but I tend to be the one to organise stuff ( maybe I'm just organised or bossy!), and they fall into different camps so to speak from good friend to casual aquaintance.

My point is, that if you are unhappy about your situation, you have to put a lot of effort in and it doesn't happen instantly. Of course if you are happy with family and OHs, then that is fine.

DUKE

No friends let alone a best one, but many acquaintances. I just don't get involved with people.

Flat_Eric

No - did have at primary school but then I moved away and we lost touch

cjj_2

I have 2 best friends at the moment and cant see that changing.
One I met 9 year ago at the school gates (dd's are same age). She is there through thick and thin and will drop everything for me as I suffer with depression. I have not always been a great friend myself but she never held that against me. I do realise that now and cherish her.
The other I have known 9 year also although its only over the last 2 years we have grown close (Only ever said hi before). Now I cant imagine my life without her either as she has also helped me so much. I like to be there for her too.
Before my 2 friends appeared I had no one really as I was so wrapped up in raising my family I didnt make efforts to maintain friendships, also having ocd, socialising can be extremely difficult.
I now have other friends through dd and 2 or 3 of them look like the sort of people I would like to not lose touch with in the future. Then I have a friend round the corner who I reached out to when she was depressed and that friendship has now flourished. I had given up hope of finding friendship x