Whats the best way to ask for money on a wedding invitation?

Idiophreak

SandraScarlett wrote: »

It really is a great shame if people cannot accept that some guests prefer to buy a gift than give cash. It may be something you have or hate, but if you are that concerned, then perhaps it would be better for you not to ask the guest?

xx

...but why? Why should it be "it's a crystal pepper shaker or nothing"...?

The person buying the gift will be spending their money, whether they spend it on gifts or cash. The only real difference is whether they waste that money, by giving something the couple don't like or won't use or spend the money wisely - by giving the couple what they actually want. Whether that's a deposit for a house or an extra night on honeymoon, it really shouldn't matter. People shouldn't judge the presents they give on whether *they* think it's a good gift, they should judge it on whether the recipient will think it's a good gift...

SandraScarlett

Idiophreak wrote: »

...but why? Why should it be "it's a crystal pepper shaker or nothing"...?

The person buying the gift will be spending their money, whether they spend it on gifts or cash. The only real difference is whether they waste that money, by giving something the couple don't like or won't use or spend the money wisely - by giving the couple what they actually want. Whether that's a deposit for a house or an extra night on honeymoon, it really shouldn't matter. People shouldn't judge the presents they give on whether *they* think it's a good gift, they should judge it on whether the recipient will think it's a good gift...

Because it all strikes me as the guest being told what to give, rather than just be invited to a wedding, because their company is desired.

xx

AFiancee

SandraScarlett wrote: »

Because it all strikes me as the guest being told what to give, rather than just be invited to a wedding, because their company is desired.

xx

Exactly!

And it is also bad for us MSEr's - as you can buy giftsd with tesco vouchers etc, or get discounts in the sale and therefore give an expensive gift that costs very little, whereas if you give the same about in cash you would look like a skinflint!

Raksha

SandraScarlett wrote: »

Because it all strikes me as the guest being told what to give, rather than just be invited to a wedding, because their company is desired.

xx

Or maybe the guest enjoys a kind of passive aggression - if you ask me for money, i won't come to your wedding...

JBD

AFiancee wrote: »

Exactly!

And it is also bad for us MSEr's - as you can buy giftsd with tesco vouchers etc, or get discounts in the sale and therefore give an expensive gift that costs very little, whereas if you give the same about in cash you would look like a skinflint!

I don't think it matters what amount you give, because you're not giving it to look good. Just give the amount that you can afford, and if that is less than all the other guests then so be it.
When I got married I know some of the gifts we were given were very inexpensive, so what? They were still gifts and appreciated as much as the most expensive one.

cgk1

I think there is something morally wrong with putting a 'minimum spend' on a wedding invitation - those are tough times and a lot of people don't consider that attending a wedding can cost the guests a couple of hundred pounds before they have even thought about a gift.

indiepanda

I've been wondering about how to do this too. I'll be 40 by the time I say "I do" and already have my own home (well, technically the bank still own most of it but you know what I mean) and because my OH won't be allowed to work on his fiance visa till the wedding, it's all going to be done up by then too so we would struggle to think of anything we need for the home.

The most important thing is that my friends are there - I wouldn't mind if they didn't give us anything, though I know them well enough to know they would feel uncomfortable about it if they didn't.

I certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel their presence had to be paid for in the form of a monetary present. And for people we might just invite to the evening do, I'd rather not mention anything at all.

Maybe I might just not mention presents to anyone and let them ask me so it doesn't look money grabbing.

burnoutbabe

then ask for something like a donation to charity? or a shared memory, like a photo of you/your other half that they have of you and the guest when younger?

soontobeawife

After reading endless threads and after receiving a couple of wedding invitations myself I have decided that my opinion is that there just is no way to ask for money without risking offending some of your guests.
We are getting married in September and having lost half my hours at work are DIYing as much as we can and could really do with new household items but we are not asking for anything - we are leaving it to our guests if they want to bring us a gift.
My washer would still be knackered if I wasn't getting married,who would replace it then? Lol :rotfl:

74jax

burnoutbabe wrote: »

then ask for something like a donation to charity? or a shared memory, like a photo of you/your other half that they have of you and the guest when younger?

Have to say this is the route we have taken and a couple have been annoyed at that.

The gift list section of our website says we've been together for 8 years and own two homes, we honestly do not wish for gifts. We then added we do not wish for money either (after a few questions). We THEN added anyone wanting to part with money could donate to a charity or their choice or we support RNLI if they wanted to donate there (after MORE questions) We THEN added those who wanted to give something TO US we would like their favorite recipe to make a collection.

Seriously you would not believe the questions even this brings. 'Well we will give you money and you can buy want you want with it' to which we say 'thats lovely we will donate to charity and it will be a huge help thank you so much'. And they look at me as though I am something off their shoe.

I must add this is not someone invited to the wedding, just someone I know at work (who gave the look).

I do not get married til 2013, god help me.