Whats the best way to ask for money on a wedding invitation?

74jax

SandraScarlett wrote: »

Now you called my poem "silly", and you think my poem "lame"
And you've also called it "shocking", now I think that that's a shame :o:o

For I just tried to be humorous, and be a little funny
Cos, let's face it, you can hardly say "Don't send a gift, just money"

I'm assuming you're a bride to be, and p'raps a little stressed?
Cos I don't think that the words you used were, tactfully, the best

But my wedding, in the 60s, is a distant memory
And, politely, I just tried to help the current brides-to-be!

xx

Aw I love it, thank you :T


However I do think this is better than poems if you really do want money rather than a gift.

JOHN1982 wrote: »

I'm definitely asking for money in our invites. Think I may simply word it as;
"We've lived together for half a decade, don't bring us presents, bring us cash!"

It's just personal preference.

RashelA

I've read this with great interest, as I would like to add gift information on my wedding website.

Although we don't expect gifts (a lot of people are coming from abroad, and so will be shelling out a lot of money just to come!), we've already been asked by several people about gifts.

What with trying to be as thrifty as possible with the wedding, I've decided not to send out invitations (well, only to the older members who never use the internet!). It's a very informal wedding, and as I have a small family, it will be mainly friends on my side, and OH's family are 'modern' (e.g. grandmother messages us on facebook!). One of the pages provided for the wedding website is for "gift registry". I've been debating on whether I should put anything on there or not.

Having read this thread and thought about it, I have decided to include a request for monetary contribution. Here are my reasonings:

When I go to a wedding, I would rather know what to give as a gift, than have to (a) spend a long time trying to find the perfect gift (b) have to choose something I can't really afford on their gift list. I like it best when they want money as I know they're not restricted on what to spend it on, and I can give exactly how much I want to give/can afford to give.

I also understand the frustration of NOT knowing what people want due to the fact that they have not included this information. Even if you are fairly close to the person, it's still slightly awkward to ask them what they would like because (a) you can seem lazy in not thinking of a great gift for them, and (b) knowing what you're going to get from someone in advance is not always fun.
I was left to find out what one of my colleagues wanted for a wedding gift from all the workmates, and although we're fairly close, I still found it a little awkward to ask.

I know a lot of my guests can't afford to give much, but would feel terrible about not giving anything (I would also not be comfortable turning up empty handed to someone's wedding). Although we don't EXPECT any money/gifts, I think it does make it easier for the guest to know, if they were thinking of giving a gift, what gift to give. At least with cash, you can choose to give what you can afford, even if it is a fiver. Our family and friends would know that we don't expect huge amounts.

I did think about the 'word of mouth' option, but I also agree with the people who said that it would be time consuming and possibly annoying for family members to keep getting calls about what we'd like.

I have the same issue as others asking for cash in that I don't need a toaster/pots, etc., but would love to have a contribution to honeymoon/house (we're currently renting and would love our own place). It's not a case of “if you can't afford it, don't go on a honeymoon”, but more like the contribution would mean that we can put the money we were going to use on our honeymoon towards our future plans, instead of receiving something that sits in the back of the cupboard, or be able to go on our honeymoon sooner than planned (we think we may go the following year). I also feel that it's even ruder to receive a gift and never use it, than to ask for money, which you will definitely make use of.


Let's face it – we can all say 'it's the thought that counts', but isn't it better if you actually like the gift?


Wow..this turned out to be an essay..Sorry!

double_mummy

rashel your the same as me half of my day guests including the 2 best men are coming from overseas

have you looked at the amazon giftlist thingy because you can put little thins like picture frames on there that dont cost a lot also the larger things that you would like

RashelA

double_mummy wrote: »

rashel your the same as me half of my day guests including the 2 best men are coming from overseas

have you looked at the amazon giftlist thingy because you can put little thins like picture frames on there that dont cost a lot also the larger things that you would like

Thanks for the suggestion but think we will stick with the money as it seems like a waste on postage, and there's not anything we really need..don't want to have things on the list for the sake of it, and I'm pretty sure most people I know won't be offended

sj999

I don't think you should ask for money on a wedding invitation. You wouldn't ask for gifts so you shouldn't ask for money. Spread the word by "word of mouth", make sure you leave enough time for all the guest to know what you want. Here is a guide for wedding money trees.

RainbowDrops

sj999 wrote: »

I don't think you should ask for money on a wedding invitation. You wouldn't ask for gifts so you shouldn't ask for money. Spread the word by "word of mouth", make sure you leave enough time for all the guest to know what you want.

If someone's going to make sure all the guests know they want money by word of mouth, then why not just put it on the invite?
I'd understand if someone just doesn't want to ask for gifts at all, but if you're going to spread the word anyway, it seems a bit of a redundant gesture.

lazer

RainbowDrops wrote: »

If someone's going to make sure all the guests know they want money by word of mouth, then why not just put it on the invite?
I'd understand if someone just doesn't want to ask for gifts at all, but if you're going to spread the word anyway, it seems a bit of a redundant gesture.

The difference is by putting a request for money or gifts on an invitation you are asking for a gift - gifts should never be asked for, but should be graciously received when given (even if it is something you do not want!)

If someone asks you what you want for a gift, they have already indicated that they are getting you a gift, so it is not asking for something. Spreading it my word of mouth generally happens where a few people ask the bride or groom what they want, they tell a few people, and these people then tell others. The bride and groom (or parents) do not ask people for gifts.

RainbowDrops

But the other poster gave the impression that you should make sure everyone know in plenty of time, so "all the guest to know what you want" - which is suggesting that thwy want everyone to know what they want anyway.
Personally I think that's more of a hinderance to a guest than a simple note in the invites.

When I'm a guest, I always feel more put out when I don't know what the couple want, and worry that I'll get them the wrong vouchers, or something that they don't want / already have.
I'm much happier if they have a gift list as I know they definately want what I get them!

*miaomiao*

We said on the invite that we would be happiest just if people could attend as it costs a bit to do that anyways.

Then we mentioned we had a gift list at John Lewis (minimal house things, gift certificates for any amount) for anyone who wanted to choose something anyways, but what we'd really like is a contribution towards our honeymoon, which we'll take when we can afford it and it'll still be pretty minimal (a UK cottage in the off-season) because we would rather have all our friends to the wedding.

That being said because it's costing us about 150 GBP per couple invited and as we're paying for the wedding ourselves and it will be very nice, we didn't feel bad stating this because many people ask anyways.

We always have bought something or given money to the couples whose weddings we've attended.